“I’m on the way to get your hair stuff,” I told the soldier.  “Turns out they’re open on Sunday, big surprise.  And I’m rushing over there too, first because quality of hair products vary widely and if you have one you like you ought to stick with it.  But there is another reason too.”

“What?”

“Well I shopped some other men’s hair products just in case… you know. I looked around and do you know what I found? Pheromones!  Yep, they have pheromones in hair products, you put this stuff on your head and women flock to you I guess.”

“Get me that!” he said. “I want some of that.”

“Hell no, I’m not going to get you that. I am not having you put stuff on your head to make women crawl on you. You’ve gone crazy if you think I am. I guard your head. In fact, I am ready to cut off the heads of any other birds who come around.”