Ah man.  Some of you know I am freakishly sensitive to some things, namely thing that are super energetic like those boxes of things the soldier sent me over the years. It’s a big joke to him how I have to let a box like that cool off, or in one case I just lay near the thing in the dark for a few nights, absorbing. One box I did not open for almost a week… I just know me and I know better, there is nothing else to say.

So today I went to go pick up his families old movies that we dropped off to have transferred from super 8 and older film to dvd.  “You going to watch em, P?”

“Hell no. Are you kidding me? No, I’m not going to watch them, I am going to wait for you to get home and we’ll watch them together and even then I am going to have trouble.”

“Oh, P…”

So I get to this guy’s house and sure enough he’s got the dvd playing. Yep, I look at the TV and there is the soldier’s mother (hot) with 2 little boys toddler age.  “I suppose one of them is him?” the guy said.  I didn’t answer, I was just… mesmerized.

He went on to flip around through the dvd, talking technical stuff the whole time.  Water damage, this. Film emulsion that. Meanwhile I have an eye on the screen watching what the soldier had not seen since he was about 13 years old.  His sisters as babies, with writing on their stomachs… it turns out they were traveling internationally so his father wrote their names and addresses on their stomachs in case they got lost… and so on and on and on because even though less that 10 minutes passed, I started to get dizzy.

“You probably don’t have time to go through all this,” the guy said, finally sensing something.

“I am becoming overwhelmed,” I said. “This is overwhelming me…”

I left shortly after, got in the car and dialed the soldier. He didn’t pick up because he was going to sleep but I’d forgotten that so I dialed him again.

He picked up the 2nd time and I started rambling.  A few minutes later I started rambling and crying.  He knows me pretty well, ya know.

I turned on to the highway headed home after attempting to articulate my emotion, realizing I was not all that coherent. I told him I would call him later when he woke up and I got home though that made no sense because he was not asleep.  3 miles later all hell broke loose.

Yeah. Next thing you know I’m driving down the highway, SOBBING.  I mean I started crying hard. Hard, hard, gasp, sob, gasp… well, fuck.

I kept driving and I kept crying, I tried to call the soldier - no answer. He called me back and by then I was totally jacked. I guess I didn’t write about it the other night when I contemplated but things in film and things seen in mirrors and in pictures…  I am FAR more sensitive to them then anything else and the solider knows this of course. I started rambling through heaving sobs, telling him what I could see in the film.

I finally got home and I am okay now I think but the next time I tell the soldier I am not going to rip into something like this, I think he’s going to concur.

Right now I feel like I’ve gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.