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Love, Relationships, Marriage Cross Cultural Lines Redux - My Experiences? Not So Good
Astrology in real life
Very interesting comments on the Love Across Cultures piece, I am not surprised. Some state plainly, they wish to expand their horizons via their relationships and having Jupiter tied to the 7th house, I can relate.
I also have a 7th house Uranus so would be attracted to to an “other” who is unusual or shocking but I have to say this has blown up on me throughout my life.
What I have learned is (projection again) just because race does not matter to you, does not mean it does not matter to them where :them” refers not only to the partner’s friends and family but to the partner themselves!
For example, I once found myself (very briefly) married to a man who was rebelling against his father by marrying me. His father referred to me as, “that nigger” many times. I have Venus square Neptune and probably should have paid more attention to to that.
In another case when I was much younger and even more ‘desert-ish”, I was deeply involved with a man whose mother ultimately did us in and in the process almost lost her son.
She intercepted my (repeated) communications to him causing him to think I’d abandoned him which led him to attempt suicide.
Seeing as he never responded to my many calls and letters, I thought he had abandoned me and did not find out otherwise until years later when I found him in another state. He gave me the scoop, and told me of his suicide attempt.
“I sent you at least 10 letters,” I said. “More.”
“Never got ‘em but I’m sure she did and they went right in the trash. My mother had it in for you from day one,” he said. “Suzanne the plans they made, put an end to you. You were, Suzanne.”
“What? Fire and Rain?”
“Yep, my mother hated you. She was on the phone from the first day trying to get rid of you. She’d have us married over her dead body.”
“You mean over your dead body.”
“Almost,” he said with a chuckle. “Come to think of it she probably would rather see me dead then married to you…”
I lived with that man for 2 years and was at his mother’s house 100 times and I had no idea. His father was black Irish, his mother light skinned. He was about my coloring but his mother was divorced and hated his father with a passion. Turns out I reminded her of him. She wanted the grand kids to be lighter skinned… apparently at whatever cost.
The picture is of me in the era. I could not possibly have been more naive.
16 Responses to “Love, Relationships, Marriage Cross Cultural Lines Redux - My Experiences? Not So Good”
citygirl1980 - thanks for helping me make my point which is…
These things are very deeply ingrained and ignore them at your peril.
(((citygirl1980))))
Er… many (most) time the family is just waiting you out. Sad but true and don’t expect anyone to clue you in or anything. 
This is a really interesting post and I can definitely relate. Elsa, I talked to you about this on Monday over the phone and email - my boyfriend was from a different place in India from my family and therefore, his family did not accept me and he would not marry me. His mother reminds me of the witch you describe above - she constantly interfered in our relationship for 3 years. And his father refused to meet me.
Do I have a 7th house Uranus if Aquarius is in the 7th house?? I actually have tried dating outside of my ethnicity because I don’t really care, but I don’t think American/white guys really are interested in me : ( Its too bad.
This is all so true and sad.That was a major factor, (of many) in my marriage ending. His family was irredeemabley racist, and treated our children on the basis of their skin tone, among other things. Yet, if it weren’t for many generations and levels of cross cultural relationship, I wouldn’t exist at all. The stress people’s families put on them is astounding, and for what? The world needs intermarriage, in my opinion it breaks down barriers that are worth breaking down. On the other hand people like my siblings and I feel like there is no where in the world we really belong, and no group of people to which we belong.
i also love this post. thank-you elsa- i also found it to be very personal. i have always dated and ultimatly married a foreigner… (venus in sag in the 12th on the asc). i grew up in a black irish family- a saturn family. the history of family dynamics (i think that was the title of the astro book helped me alot)- i identified with the idea of the circuit breaker…these come along for a reason- to break up old family patterns that are no longer useful- i love my family but do not agree with their rules of life and love. i have a new family and live in a different culture, and they accept me-my mother and father in law welcomed me as the daughter they never had, they are all along the crazy air dynamics and we fit well together…
thanks for the song as well, one of my favs!!!!!
only one of the people i ever dated was that far distant from me culturally and it never seemed to be an issue with his family. mine was so far away they never met him. if it had gone farther it might have become one, but i just don’t know.
i think that’s a part of the issue… sometimes you don’t know which way the coin will flip with people until you test them…
i guess you can have some clue. but there are things you don’t know until a person’s been tested.
it’s saddening the pointless obstacles people put in the place of love’s flow.
I’m trying this again.(last one went somewhere).
I’m glad you picked this thread up again. I want to add the one most valuable outcome of my marriage to 1st husband of 23 yrs.
We have one very beautiful,culturally and racially mixed son who will be 37 in Sept. A Libra Sun born to an Aries and Scorp. He is now living in my culture immersed in the Hawaiian Island healing and cultural practices to a degree I could not have gone.
Stymied by racism in a small town white community as a boy, he chose to move into my island culture to find ‘culture’ in his way. The journey is destined … I give thanks I get to participate in whatever fashion possible, and wherever I am on the planet.
((citygirl1980)). I stayed too long, ‘adaptation’ comes with a price; and yet my son is real and we learn from each other.
Take good care!
Hi Elsa,
I also have Uranus in the 7th H Scorpio conjunct my Venus in early Sag opposing Moon in my 1st H Taurus… boy this activity in my chart does not sit well with the cravings of my Taurus Asc for stability. Out if my 5 relataionships I have ever had 3 were with guys of African descent (I am Romanian). For some time now I have been thinking it is time I settled down, get married (I ll turn 29 in December)… but I do not see that happening anytime soon… if ever with that combo in my chart.
I liked the post. Thank you!
What was especially crazy about this story is the mother saw ME as the one responsible for his suicide attempt.
It’s so handy to keep a toilet in your life for just these purposes. 
((((citygirl1980)))))) i have been rejected by a partner’s family before, not for the reasons you outline. but anyway you slice it it is hell on a relationship and my heart goes out to you!
As Elsa said this is ingrained in our fibre, world over we try to accept and reject people as per our prefernces, color, caste, creed, religion, status, education you name it and we have differentiators available as if a checklist..its sad but true…but i am happy atleast we have started voicing ourselves. it is in every realtionship but most painful and prominent in intimate ones..
I love my x-husband’s family, now that we’re no longer married. I still stay with them when I take my son to visit his dad (in Cyprus). They are Turkish…Muslim. When I was married, it was hell. I found it very difficult to compete for control/power and the last thing I wanted was more ‘mother’ like figures in my life trying to control me. My sister-in-law wouldn’t speak to me for several months because we had decided to give our son an anglo first name…for example.
But now, down the road…and in such different circumstances…we bond as women and as friends and I can say I truly love them.
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WOW…this is a very deep post that hits VERY close to home for me. I am african-american and married to an italian man. We met on the internet in June ‘01 and married in ‘04. His family liked me BEFORE we got married. Even after 9 years of being with him, his family STILL treats me like I am a stranger, as if they have never fully gotten over the fact I am black. I rarely get along with his father, who always makes me feel uncomfortable with his snide comments and negative vibes he gives me. I get along okay with his mother and sister, but still, It has taken a toll on our marriage. So much so, my husband and I rarely get along anymore (we are currently considering divorce). Also, It doesn’t make things any better that I live in a predominantly white neighborhood where black people are scarce in numbers.
While I fantasize everyday about having babies with my husband and living happily ever after with him, I lose faith in that every time I get around his family. They never ask us if we will ever have children, they never ask us how we are doing, and they never invite us out to family get together’s unless it’s for dinner. I know instinctively they REALLY want him to be with a nice italian girl who will give him beautiful italian babies so the bloodline won’t be change. it’s all very sad to me, I cry alone at times over it. These days, I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop so I can move on with my life. I love my husband, but I don’t love what and who is surrounding us.
The whole experience (including the marriage) has made me a little hardened towards life and love, but on the flip-side it has made me a stronger person because I appropriate my differences and who I am in this world even more. I have 7th house Saturn, Jupiter, and
Mars, I don’t know what that means exactly, but it must be a huge factor on my love life right now.
Love ya, Elsa. Thank you for sharing your story.