‘Yeah, the teacher told my mother I marched to the beat of a different drummer when I was in the 1st grade,” the soldier said.

“Yeah?  What were you doing?”

“That’s what she wanted to know. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t doing anything as far as I knew but I was always getting in some kind of trouble.”

“Like what?”

“Well, they had this play once,” he said. “I didn’t get a part in it. Of course I didn’t try out for a part in it.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, so I had no part in the play and all the kids who had no part were supposed to sing. You know. In a group.  So I walked out there and stood there but I didn’t sing a lick.”

I snorted.  “Not a lick?”

“Not a lick. I did not sing one lick and boy was my mom pissed.  She got mad about that and then we had this other play - the Christmas play,” he said. “And I had a part in that, I was a shepherd. I was one of the shepherds.”

“So how did that go?”

“Not good.”

“What did you do?”

“I walked on stage with my hands in my pockets.”

I roared.

“Yep, I was supposed to be a shepherd, it was Christmas play… jeez, P, can you imagine what would happen if they had a play like that today?  A Christmas play about baby Jesus being born?  People who have a fit but anyway I got in big trouble for that one too. Apparently shepherds are not supposed to have their hands in their pockets, I’m not sure why.”

“And then you hit that kid with the gun in the Little Red Riding Hood play,” I said.

“That’s right. I was the hunter they said I was supposed to save Little Red Riding Hood. They gave me a rifle and I butt-stroked that bastard and then I chased him around stage. Yeah, I chased his ass all around and if they’d have given me ammo, I’d have shot him I’m sure.”

I snorted.

“Yep, everyone got up in arms about that and I had no idea why. I was just doing what they told me to do - save Little Red Riding Hood. Why do people get so mad at me, P?  If you don’t want me to save Little Red Riding Hood, then don’t tell me to save her but if you do tell me to save her, then you ought not be surprised when her ass gets saved.”