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Ending Friendships And “Time Is A Great Master”
Commenting on the comments
Jorge Torres writes on Shocking But True:
I have tried to go to the roots of the people and even knowing them very much inside they suddenly change or make something that does not match so i learn to live here and now, keep the good moments and if i can help i do or if i cant i let them learn Time is a Great Master.
I can only think of one person in my life where this happened. I ran with this gal for awhile (several months) before I became aware of parts of her character I just did not want to be around or feel I could support.
She was a Sagittarius and I was honest in telling her I wanted to end the friendship though I did not say why. I figured she would ask me if she wanted to know and if she did I would have had to tell her as a point of respect but she did not ask. She accepted my withdrawal with extreme grace which is something I am grateful for to this day.
Regarding the concept, “Time is a Great Master”, I definitely agree with you. While I am routinely dumped and used so that other people can feel better, if I am quiet… if I don’t say anything, they almost always come back. It can take a week or a month or a number of years but they do come back after something breaks loose in their psyche… a Saturn transit comes along or whatever. They just reconstitute somehow.
The thing is, I don’t necessarily want to be quiet! I am not a guru-type for Godsakes. Nothing against them, I like them in most cases. My grandfather was one and they are as necessary as people like me in this life but being born Italian and into a family where every single one of us has Mars mashed with Mercury in some form, this pretty much counts me out when it comes to “speaking softly”.
Tell us about your experience ending friendships. Is there a pattern? Is it random? What?
16 Responses to “Ending Friendships And “Time Is A Great Master””
Friendship endings have a pattern for me. Several long in duration friendships ended when my reality just didn’t fit our history. It’s tough to tell this in a short version …I’ve always been a deep thinker and even deeper feeler, so when those old friends got a load of HOW DEEPly I do feel they either wanted me to ‘get different’ or see the folly of those beliefs; and then they just go away.
Thing is, I have been quiet and am being that(quiet and cool) right now as one more friendship waits in the balance. I’m going through a deep loss of a loved elder/a part of me, and to try to repair a fractured frienship would be like the Scare Crow facing Rocky Balboa. It’s right to save my nose and not spite my face.
Like you said Elsa “if I am quiet… if I don’t say anything, they almost always come back. It can take a week or a month or a number of years but they do come back after something breaks loose in their psyche… a Saturn transit comes along or whatever. They just reconstitute somehow.” One of those friends is peeking back into my life through the the ether-sphere.
I’m still learning about friendship: how to be one and how to recognize true friends…jeez, how long does it take for 8th house Saturn-Mars in Leo? 61 yrs and counting 
Thanks for the time you take to teach with such full-bodiedness Elsa. Really is that Italian?!
I don’t really end friendships often. Usually it’s a slow drift for reasons that have nothing to do with “I don’t want to continue to be friends with you”.
The one time I stopped being friends with someone it was a Pisces who was a “daddy’s girl”. Came from an affluent family, never worked a day in her life, and only contacted me when she wanted to complain about how hard her life was.
She finally moved out of her family’s home (at 25), and got into some “follower” type behavior and was also helping someone cheat on their girlfriend.
I told her I was disappointed in her and her flippant responses that it wasn’t her problem caused me to cut ties.
I think with anyone else I would have tried to talk to them and see what was up and if I could help, but years of her taking and taking and taking and never getting anything back made me just give up right then and there.
Mokihana, you are always so sweet!! Sweet and deadly, LOL. Just what I like!
as for real friends, if someone goes 2-3 years they are typically around for life. But some people the connection is very fast.
My friend Ben is an example. We circled each other for about a week before settling into a life long friendship that has had all of ONE fight over more than 25 years.
As I mentioned somewhere a few days ago… oh yeah, about the double Scorpio ex-SF guy. He was another one, you know almost as soon as they show up by the way they conduct themselves that they will never cross you nor you them.
As for the 2-3 year thing, this blog is an exception. People routinely stay around here that long just to seethe.
I am their person to hate on the way celebrities who show up on fat-monitoring websites serve for people to denounce them and pick them apart. “Oooh yecch. Look at her outfit.”
I want to say,”oooooh yeech. Look at your personality…”
Makes me feel sorry for men, I’ll tell ya. Women are much nastier than men by and large although there are exceptions and we have seen a few of them on this blog.
Elsa, you are just too accurate. In Hawaiian, the “Mokihana” berry is just that “an oh so sweet smelling anise like berry, grows only on the island of Kauai, and countless music is written about sweet lei Mokihana; and don’t you TRY to eat or touch it too long … cuz YUP you got it … it is deadly!” Ouch.
I stopped being friends with one gal after our friendship started to drift into an area of life that I am not familiar with nor did I want to get familiar with it….the racier crowd. She hung out with a much racier crowd and was beginning to do so more and more and tried including me and I just did not feel comfortable and finally just let go….that was not part of what I wanted to be or get from a friendship so I ended it.
She recently contacted me…a couple of months back and I still had no interest in re-igniting that friendship. It was like oil and water to me….hard mix.
there have been a few. i clean out the cupboards in that way every so often. here’s one of them: a girl that i considered to be my closest friend started dating an emotionally abusive (piscean) psychopath. over the course of 4 years he had limited the amount of time she was allowed to hang out with her friends to about a few hours at a time. when she was with me he would drive by my house and call her, picking fights with her so every time she wasn’t with him she just spent it crying. (he always made up for this by buying her jewelry, i guess this appealed to her taurean nature.) i was there for her every time they broke up (about once every 2 months) and always helped her realize that she was better off, and she always went back to him. she would hear stories of him cheating on her, robbing people, doing drugs, but she always chose to believe him over the cohort of friends that tried to wake her up. it came to a head when he drove by my house late at night while she was there, leaving serial-killer-esqe notes on her car. eventually he parked in the driveway and sat there for an hour. then coming up to the door and began slamming on it repeatedly trying to get me to open up. she was crying and scared, and my grandma was in the next room. that was it. this is not my bullshit to deal with! i called the cops after he drove off again and they found him parked down the street waiting for her to leave my house so he could follow her home. the next day she told me how angry he was at me, and how he had to spend the night in jail, and how she thinks that we overreacted and he wants an apology. HA! it was done. i didn’t speak a word to her after that. done. she had no idea why, which is hilarious because it just goes to show how much she was unaware of how i felt, when she once knew me so well. (i then ended up dating a psychopath who shared the same birthday as this guy, which must be some cosmic joke i’m thinking.)
if i start to feel that again, that feeling of being energetically taken for granted, i just drop the friendship early on. this could be my moon square pluto.
i also ended a friendship not too long ago with a guy who started using me to play head games with his ladies. he would make sure only to call me when he was about to pick up another girl so that by hanging out with me he was manipulating their feelings and basically just fucking with them. i caught on to that and ended it fast… after having a nice little mars-pluto flip out!
i’m getting to a point where i’m starting to question being friends with those who lack integrity, because i now see that behavior in myself and realize i can call on a group of cheerleaders to bolster my behavior, and it makes me sick to my stomach. they’re high school friendships, old drug buddies who i never had much in common with that i just let fester. i’ll be rid of all of these rotted attachments once i leave for uni but i’m sure karma’s not done with me. live and learn. restart.
I thought of another situation. I have abandoned a friend in an abusive relationship once. She confided in me, did not want me to say anything and I just couldn’t be around her husband (who I knew very well) - look him in the eye and not just come unglued all over him so left because it was their marriage.
sidenote: the guy who i ended this with was a libra-scorpio cusp. he knew what he was doing.
exactly elsa. what else can you do in a situation like that? stand there and watch two people demean themselves over and over? it’s too much.
And the level of the abuse was just ungodly. I just have no way I can be around that without getting a bat and swingin’ it.
I can only recall ending friendships when we couldn’t work through a conflict/argument. Those that make it past that barrier, I consider gold. I don’t consider drifting apart an end to a friendship; You can always reconnect later in life.
If a friend is doing something I find problematic, it honestly does not affect my positive regard for them, even if their actions harm other people or themselves. If the topic/behaviour comes up I won’t pretend that I think it’s okay. But people are multifaceted, contradictory and highly flawed beings. I’ve never met someone didn’t eventually reveal themselves to be a hypocrite or to exhibit multiple instances of profound moral failings.
Sag rules my 11th, Jupiter in 8th aspecting a bunch of stuff.
I’ve always ended them suddenly. I stay quite for a while, and either drop a bomb and leave or drop the phone and never pick up–8th house stuff here also. I’m trying to get better at it, like just lessening time spent instead of cutting it off completely. It gets lonely “amputating” people all the time, though I’m too sensitive to keep negative people around me for too long.
I rarely end friendship. Other people end friendships with me, though. Usually it is some bizarre projection onto me where they thought I’d be their savior or bff, and I turned out just to be lil’ ol’ me. I usually obsess about these lost friendships for months on end, trying to figure out what I did wrong — even if I didn’t really like the people. I’m hoping the next time this happens, I can actually live what I’ve learned, and understand that it isn’t me; it’s them. They didn’t get what they wanted from me, and that’s not my problem.
lying to me. trying to make my decisions for me without consulting me.
when i’m inclined to leave, it’s usually pretty sudden. hasn’t happened often.
not with friends. but i don’t have many. and i take awhile to warm up to people.
usually.
There has only been one friendship that I’ve knowingly ended, and except for the people abandoning me that I talked about on another thread, the rest just drifted away. The one that I cut off was in high school, said person told a lie about me and the rest of our gang of misfits that was very demeaning so that she would be cool enough to hang out with another group of kids. Fuck that noise! But even then, after leaving high school, my rancor faded and I could be cordial to her. I still keep in very irregular contact through social networking sites, though I don’t know if I will ever comfortably call her a friend again.
Depending on house system, I’ve either got an empty Taurean 11th (equal) or Chiron in there (Placidus). But since I don’t know jack about Chiron, I never “read” it anyway. *lol*
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I’ve ended a few friendships. The pattern as per my Mercury/5th square Saturn/8th is that I am bothered by something they have said to me: some perceived cruelty or carelessness…for some reason I keep quiet about it. I fear I can’t say anything or the repercussions will be “too big.” There is some kind of undertow…this is the 8th House I guess.
I do have a persecution complex, which I attribute to past lives (make of that what you will, LOL)
I have a genuine fear (Saturn) of speaking up (Mercury) unless I am pushed to do so (square aspect). Mercury is also in opposition to Uranus/Midheaven which adds to the feeling if I say anything I’ll be punished.
I recently ended a friendship with someone…without a second look. I realized I erred in befriending her in the first place. Which sounds harsh, but true.