I think the spam filter is eating me again. :/

Friends and I — we talk about our lives. Well, I talk about my life/feelings. It is intimate, absolutely–
But for me: a kind of basic intimacy is the norm. I don’t know other ways.

And my friends know they can talk to me abt their stuff–

And sometimes we are just silly– and that is a relief too

As for my chart: 11th house cancer stellium. Always felt more at home with friends than family. As I get older though, I long for family connection.

Why are some things easy and some things hard? My what an interesting universe

I talk about very different things, with different friends.

- I talk about my deepest feelings with the inner, inner few
(I have deep-rooted insecurity about certain things that I fear only people who have known me for donkey’s years will hear without judgement (maybe this is Capricorn Moon square Pluto in 10th?)

-I only talk about art and my artistic process with fellow artists. My process is very intuitive and talking about it ‘dissipates’ its power, somehow (5th House Mercury conjunct Chiron)

-I talk about spiritual matters with (almost) no one. I grew up in a religious home where people spewed their beliefs about everything (”THIS is the truth”) and I have no interest in anyone else’s opinion about my spiritual life. It’s private. (12th House Neptune trine Saturn in 8th?)

Lastly, I have an 11th House Uranus which opposes my Sun and Mercury, so to me it seems normal I’d have a variety of friends to talk about different matters with.
I certainly have no one in my life I talk about astrology with…so I can say that I only talk about astrology with you guys!

m.p. I can relate. One of my siblings is a fundamentalist and talking to her about any relationship/interaction outside of a very narrow definition is impossible. Everything is “sick” and my heart hurts even at the thought of what she would think of me if I let her in for even one second. I know that must sound awful but I still haven’t overcome my familial/persecution issues, obviously

Doesn’t it suck, Kash? It does! I love this friend of mine dearly but she really thinks being gay is an abomination. Can’t argue with a fundamentalist of any stripe–

(that would be aspecting planets in the ninth and third)

I am one of those “walled people” in general, unless I trust someone. I can count on one hand (well maybe one and a half) the number of people I trust with my own intimacy, and even then, it’s not always the right time or place. But I have the sense, and maybe it’s from a childhood trauma, that if I open up to the wrong person it will be a disaster.

I have all sorts of conversational methods I use to keep people from digging for my intimacy. I pretend to share my heart, I stonewall, I speak the other person’s language and ask them questions, I let down my walls for an instant in another direction to lead people away from how I’m really feeling, I make small talk, I make the other person laugh, I invite them to share their own heart and I go there with them, I go abstractly deep, I say something to draw another person into the conversation…a million other tactics. It’s often entirely intuitive, how I lead people astray and away from my heart.

It’s tragic, actually, because one thing I long for more than anything is intimacy, and when I do have that feeling of truly intimate conversation, frankly, it’s better than a lot of sex I’ve had. It makes me sing and dance and go to sleep happy.

Thanks Elsa! I was a little worried about that, kind of ironic overtone, like, “oh great, the one time I actually articulate this thing I do to avoid sharing in conversation, it’s like the internet is colluding with my intuitive self-walling techniques. Lame!” But I’m glad you saved it.