“Guilty!” the soldier shouted. “Guil-ty!” he said. “I’ll say it is soon as I see the guy come in. That guy is guilty!”
He was imagining his time on a jury and I laughed.
“No, I’ll do it right. I’ll do a good job. Why don’t they pick me? Why can’t I get picked to be on a jury? Some guy says, I can’t do it, I have a hemorrhoid on ass!”
(swearing below the break)
I roared.
“Yeah, and some gal say, I can;t do it because my mom is diabetic. Meanwhile I’m waving my hand around. Pick me! Pick me, motherfuckers, and all they do is keep looking around asking people things. We don’t see that guy back there wavin’ his hand around.”
“Maybe this time. You will have to serve with Coloradans so won’t that be funny.”
“Coloradans? No problem. I’ll just get in there and say, listen here all you tofu-eatin’ motherfuckers. This is how you punish a bastard who rapes a girl - this is what we’re going to do…”
7 Responses to “Voice Of Mars: Dreaming Of Jury Duty”
I’m not a sheep, but I got picked. The only reason is because of the pileup–Jupiter, Neptune, Chiron–in my 9th house solar return. And, Jupiter, as it began rx, rules my 9th.
Our jury was actually a very funny lot–when we deliberated we made so much noise the bailiff had to come in to see if we had gone mad.
The best excuses used: “I’m going to Wisconsin tomorrow. Really, I am.”
“I can’t be impartial, I love cops.My brother is a cop, my brother-in-law is a cop and my kid sister wants to be a cop (or something like that);I’ve come down here 5 times and still no lawyer will pick me. Trust me judge, I can’t be impartial.”
“I’m a felon. It happened when I was 18. Do you wanna hear about it’? (to judge looking bored by now)
“I have a lot of anger about having my car stolen a few years ago. It’s an issue for me still. I can’t look at most cars without feeling anger.” What??(The case was about a stolen car)
my family never gets picked (except that one time for a grand jury, but i think they work those different) -too educated. they don’t want educated people on juries.
i bet they don’t want veterans, either, in general..
Everyone says it’ll be interesting to be in a jury. But I get so nervous concerning courts. I’ve only been in one once, to support a friend. I almost couldn’t stand it, and we were only in there for a short time since they bargained.
well, it would be interesting to see if the experience lives up to his expectations. it sure didn’t live up to mine, and mine weren’t that high. but who knows?
My Pisces friend listed her hobby as astrology, the judge noticed and sent her home.
They post the times the prospective jurors should appear, he has already been dismissed.
This means he was headed home but now he’s not. Arrrgh
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Yeah - they don’t want wolves on jury duty. Just sheep. I’ve never gotten picked either.