Elsa, you are so right about this. I did read that book “Sociopath next door” and was befuddled because the author really said nothing the whole book. A friend of mine had given it to me.to read ..(.one who had never encountered a sociopath until the one she is with now and still does not believe he is one) to show me that I was wrong about her boyfriend. I asked her where she got the book because I had never seen it or heard of it…..and the descriptions she gives in the book sound like they came out of a textbook….no examples of behavior, repetitive patterns to look for……I could be wrong but now you confirmed my doubts.

I have been in some crazy situations and been around crazy people so I have a nose for it now, I guess you could say. Considering the source is extremely important. Talk to someone who can give some details or analysis of situations in a way that lets you know they know what the heck they are talking about….they have experienced it.

For example, I was in a Social Services meeting with a woman that I have been working with for almost 3 years…..the meeting is a monthly update, all the people involved in the case get together and give a review of what has been going on with children and mom for last month. Well, the topic this one time was about my client’s 12 yr. son. His social worker was saying that when she picked him up from school a couple of times the week before, he seemed to be “down”..in a down mood. She tried to talk to him, but he wasn’t openning up and didn’t feel like talking. This upset the SW and she thought he required immediate pyschiatric treatment and took him to the therapist and they put him on medication.

There were seven women in the group meeting and they all agreed that she had done the right thing. I was interpreting for the mom (my client) and she was in tears because she did not understand why they thought he needed medication and they were not listening to her. They just kept saying, “because the therapist said so and he probably is still suffering trauma) we still at this point cannot figure out what the trauma was, but they have diagnosed him.

I got so upset and was later reprimanded by my boss for having done so….I am just an interpreter…..but, I spoke up and asked how many of them had children, (one person) and of those that had children how many had 12 yr. old boys (none). Then how do you know that what the child was experiencing wasn’t just normal behavior for a kid that age and it did not require medical attention, let alone medication. If you have been around a 12 yr. old boy, you know….they are moody, they like their quiet time….most teenagers do. My point is that none of these women knew what the hell they were talking about and all they were doing was delaying the time when the kids finally got placed back with their mother.

There has been an audit done at this particular place and several staff members have been fired. The children are finally (cross fingers) going back to mom at the end of this month.

You can’t go mouthing off something you have no idea about. You have to do research.

There’s one book I read recently that actually covers the topic of discerning good information though it is from a military perspective. The Mission, The Men, and Me: Lessons from a Former Delta Force Commander. It focuses on a lot of the life lessons the guy learned. For example listening to the guy on the ground instead of satellite imagery and making sure everyone is on the same shared reality for making informed decisions.

Other than that I tend to do a lot of double checking and fact checking on things that I’m not entirely sure of. Check, double check, and then, after processing, decide. It does get harder and harder though so when in doubt defer to the guy on the ground… if you can find the guy on the ground… or even the ground.

Double check, check various sources, know the biases of your sources, know that everyone is biased in some way.

Trust but verify - that was R. Reagan’s saying.

Actually, that was originally a Roman proverb.

“The Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker is THE best book hands down. I think I would call it wising up and sizing up, and he preaches listening to that animal part of yourself that knows things and knows when it is threatened and to take appropriate action and not go against instinct. and I agree. Not going into too many details, I lived in Charlestown Massachusetts for five years near the worst public housing projects in the City of Boston. You have to size up and wise up when you live in a neighborhood like that. First you identify is someone is a threat or not, and if they are a threat how do you neutralize it. Not pretty - not idealistic - but until all of humanity is spiritually enlightened - a necessity if you live in the city.

look for consistency. do all the pieces add up? do they keep repeating one thing or does it create a whole picture? does the story change significantly?
are they trying to defend something? what sort of logic are they using? are they appealing to your emotions? do their arguments make sense when put together? are they comparing apples and oranges? are they playing on common fears? are they doing something “special” “just for you”? what are they trying to get you to focus on?