3
Fairly Depressing And Out Of The Blue Sky
Astrology in real life
I was talking to the soldier, he was filling me on some details of one of his stories and I was thinking it ought to be a movie. Of course to make a movie someone has to write the thing and the someone would be me of course. It would have to be me because I am the only person he is going to tell anything to and I just felt this horrible weight. What is a person to do with their life anyway? What if there are more things to do then you can manage? How do you choose?
If I wrote a movie, people would like it. They would laugh and cry and cheer. They would be moved, I could move them and I could have this thing that I’d accomplished. That movie? —> she wrote it. But to do that, I would have to focus. I would have to make movie-writing my passion which I could do. I could easily do it if only I knew it was right.
What is supposed to motivate person anyway? Money won’t do it, I give my money away. Fame won’t do it, I hate fame. I don’t need a sense of accomplishment because I have one and I’ve had one since I was 8 years old. What then? I can only think of love as a motivating factor.
I think this is true but it takes me nowhere. Why write this movie and not the other movie? I have a half a dozen movies I could write so how am I supposed to choose? Which one is more redeeming? They are all redeeming! And when I go off to write this movie, what happens to this blog, hmm? Why is one thing more important than the other? With my frame of reference, it’s not.
So what this means is these stories are going to die and I feel responsible for that. It is my fault if the story is not recorded because I could record it. I could but I don’t and that is depressing.
This is a Saturn in Virgo phenomenon. I just can’t do all the work, even when it’s important and even when I am the only one who can do it. It seems all I can do is hope to be guided in choosing what I make my priority and I am not even sure how to do that.
Many, many years ago (almost 20) my sister told me I had better start writing. She said I should hurry up because no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to get all the books written.
The horror here is two-fold. First, she was right and second, I wasted close to 10 years. I feel like crap tonight. I don’t know what to do with the wrist I’ve got left.
25 Responses to “Fairly Depressing And Out Of The Blue Sky”
You are a prolific writer and you’ve made me laugh, cry and cheer (three cheers for Dora!).I’ve learned so much from reading your blog. No idea how you manage to keep all the plates spinning as it is…but you do!
How’s the voice recognition software working out? Not well? I’m a good transcriptionist and a better copy editor with some spare time to volunteer…
And btw, I didn’t mean less writing in general. I meant a doc may have less writing than a traditional movie — and thus it wouldn’t take away from the blog or other writing projects–
Both of you are storytellers–
Elsa you suffer from carpal tunnel syn.? Try Vitamin B6.
I think this is a process of prioritizing. Saturn through the 8th house… energy is limited, what am I going to do.
Some things have emerged:
- I am not wasting time with people who come on my blog and attack me, impacting my ability to produce
- I am going to delegate things I can delegate
- I am going to stop offering copious amounts of energy of all types, supporting people who don’t and won’t return the favor ala the Astro Dispatch of yesteryear
- I am going to focus on every consultation to give the very best I’ve got with the idea I might not get to talk to this person again so I will want to make it count.
In general it is a process of energy conservation and redirection so I can increase productivity because the fact is (offensive of otherwise) I have stuff to say and it doesn’t necessarily come from me.
Henry had a lot to say. My sister has a lot to say. The soldier is a genius. Guess who has the megaphone, hmm?
Try to imagine what that might feel like for me.
And then there are my own issues and causes and they are far and deep and wide, going places you’ve never dreamed of in your life.
It’s like having a million babies inside of you, each of them worthy and I am supposed to pick who gets born. If it is possible for you to imagine that, then take it even further and imagine you’re generous. I mean, you are just innately giving yet some of those babies are going to have to be denied.
Do you know how bad that makes me feel?
I don’t imagine I can explain it.
podcasts maybe?
I was just going to recommend podcasts, like DreamsAreality & f the typing.
I don’t know what those are but have little interest in talking to myself and that is a long way from writing a movie, LOL.
I am just not sure. I think this has to originate inside of me. When you have a Saturn transit, it is not up to other people to solve your problems. You’ve got to make your own decisions and live with the consequences of them.
I am not meaning to be rude, I just don’t want saved from this process. Matter of fact, that is one of the things I would like to talk about - Let someone save you at your own risk!
Well if you want to explore it more my friend teaches screenwriting and the software that everyone uses is called Final Draft or some people use the free software at celtx.com
would it be possible to add those little icons at the end of each blog post so that we can easily email or link to them on facebook?
elsie, I added that and intend for them to be in there but have trouble remembering. Spread to thin, I’m telling you.
nice to see you blossoming… 
Wasted years — it makes me want to hug those years because you’re talking of your life experience… your precious life energy which you assigned, dispensed and experienced the best you knew how then.
Elsa,
If I could say something to you…my two jobs - I’m a part-time instructor and I’m a screenwriter (which of course is on the side although I had one short produced). I just have to say this…Why is it your responsibility to write this movie for someone else? Just my feelings on this and I feel strongly about it, you can’t honestly do this - and I mean do it well - if it doesn’t come from within.
When you questioned…why would you write a movie? I can tell you my answer - and it’s many days into months into years of doing this/thinking about this without any ‘payback’ in the conventional sense. So why do it? I could just be delusional, but I am driven to do this. I must do this. That’s the answer I have for you. And in my world (again this is just how I see it) it is the only reason to do this. Because you feel you must. Call it destiny. Call it illusions of grandeur but I must do this.
And personally I don’t want to write other people’s stories. I have my own and yes they beckon me, one is like an albatross that won’t let go until I do it justice.
I don’t want this to sound harsh, but Elsa it’s not an easy thing to create a quality screenplay even with the best of intentions. If you aren’t fully vested into learning the craft, again my personal view is to not pursue it. If you feel compelled to - that it matters above all other work - that you long to tell this story and you know it must be a film, then absolutely do it.
What’s really rough about the whole enterprise from a writer’s perspective that even after years of learning the craft and creating a solid story, you then have the hurdle of being read. And then if everything goes amazing well, you have no control over the final product - when and if and how it’s filmed. I’ll just guess that you might not like that lack of control. Trust me on this, it’s hard.
I watched my truly well crafted little short script become a lousy film. The director didn’t understand story or dramatic structure so there it went. I learned from the experience but it’s hard to face that I’m committed to this fully yet the final product will be out of my control.
And as for my stories pulling at me, it is a battle. This one, this summer project, the reason I wrote you recently because I’m mad at myself that I’m not focusing my energy on my work (darn it just women and getting nowhere).
But I look at it Elsa a little differently. It’s not the stories I won’t get to, but the ones I will. I will have plenty of stories I want to tell, but in each that I work on – and give it my full attention to the best of my ability at the time – can be wonderful. That I have the power and the craft now (although you never master this – you’ll always be learning) to command the page. I wish I were more prolific but I’ll accomplish what I was meant to ultimately.
So…I should once again at this late hour do something regarding screenwriting…Elsa, have you read a script before? If you wanted to read one of my shorts, I could show you what this is all about. Just email me and I’ll send one.
Elizabeth, I understand what you’re saying but I feel like you’re essentially telling Colonel Sanders he can’t open a chicken store.
I agree a person has to be motivated from inside I stated that earlier. Having someone tell me I should do something is no different than having someone tell me I can’t do something. It feels very remote from me, as if they are projecting their experience or desires.
Also, the way you feel about your stories is personal and while it may be different from how I feel about mine I don’t see that it is preferable. To feel like you do, I would have to be you and I have no ambition in that direction!
You should know I have done nothing but people told me I could not do my entire life. In fact this reminds me of my sister telling me I could no learn to drive a 2 ton stick shift truck in my mind, steal one and go to the store 3 miles away and get us some candy when I was 10 years old and weighed about 70 pounds.
She believed that right up until I came home with the gum, the jawbreakers and the Big Hunk.
that sounds overwhelming.
for whatever it’s worth, i do believe the stuff that you mentioned emerging is all really good and will help you do more good for more people.
thanks for giving a damn about it…
Thank you, goddess. I think if I get rid of clutter and distraction, things will clarify. It’s just work is all. PURE Saturn in Virgo. Discernment, integrity of thought and all that.
Things are going well, though. I walked for an hour and that is telling.
i’ve been struggling with this question my whole life. off and on. very few things i can’t do, if i choose to, and trying to figure the motivation… what compels me to do something and carry through to the end? (i am an aries, it can be problem, even with my virgo.)
i don’t necessarily have answers… my tactic so far is to wait until something strikes me and clicks… if it doesn’t have that underlying push that seems to be the universe giving me a broad nudge, i don’t tend to go far with it. so i keep an eye out for synchronicity.
there’s never enough time. my uncle told me that when my grandpa died, and i’m finally starting to figure out what he meant.
Elsa, you need to get some helper monkeys and you need to learn to DELEGATE.
Don’t say if I don’t do it it won’t get done right’, that is a stubborn old fashioned attitude and it needs to change!
Also get yourself some time-saving gadgets. Those write-while-you-talk thingies would be perfect for your poor hands.
Tones,
“Funny meeting someone like you here! Hey baby, what’s your sign???”
Get A Consultation
I'm available for consultations! You can schedule a consultation by phone or a consultation by email. You can also read what clients have to say about my consultations. Thanks, I look forward to working with you. :) - Elsa P
More
Recent Blog Comments
- Mari: Sheer class and poise She was the only and best thing about ...
- Mari: Thank you for that! I also looking forward to the continued ...
- Mokihana: I've loved this song for as long as it has been around. Now...
- Elsa: On the reanimation theme, it makes me think of the soldier's...
- Lucy: Out a window?! The Pisces part of me is like EW THAT'S GROSS...
- Lupa: SaDiablo, I think either way you have to walk away but the o...
- Ro: Ehhh, I wasn't pissed off when I first read this last night....
Recent Board Posts
My virgo moon wants to fix…. Did you ever consider documentaries. Seriously. Maybe a bit less writing, more filming, interviews, etc. Document…