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The Power Of Love and Friendship - Part 3: Cards, Cars and Fast Women
Catch up here : The Power of Love and Friendship, Part 1 - Don’t Be Deceived
So when I met HQ, I was incredibly miserable although no one had any idea of this. It’s a quality about me. It’s called Jupiter… I mean, “Dimples rising”. When you grin all the time and have dimples no one imagines there is a problem, never mind a serious one but HQ eventually learned that this was the case.
When you are spending time with a person or persons who do not respect and appreciate you, all kinds of bad things happen. When someone comes into your life who does offer this kind of love and kindness, it changes everything. At some point I went to the gym. I decided I had to get my body back, or else and the first time I got on the treadmill, I almost vomited. A month later when I got on the cross trainer for the first time, I managed 7 minutes and thought I was going to die. How do people do this, I wondered. I had no idea!
But I had some idea… and inking anyway that it was worth figuring out. And I knew that for one reason and one reason only. HQ!
He believed in me and had communicated the idea I had something to offer. And I was at a point then where I had to make a choice. Either believe in myself or accept the idea that the good times in my life (and there had been plenty) were behind me. I teetered like that for awhile.
In hindsight, I marvel. It’s one of the reasons I am always telling people on this blog… get the hell out! Never mind how you got in. Get the hell out of these lousy relationships and make yourself a life because I nearly lost mine.
It’s unbelievable how much damage the wrong man (woman) can do. And this happened to me after an entire lifetime of satisfying relationships. It was as if my luck ran out or something! It was like I’d come to the end of the road and it shocked me. How could this happen? It was inexplicable to me.
But I pulled up and I pulled out, the whole time HQ was dealing me cards. He tossed me card after card after card after card and eventually instinct kicked in and I started playin’ em.
When I think of this, I imagine HQ coming across a Lamborghini except no one could tell it was a Lamborghini because it was all covered in mud and weeds. And also because they’re stupid, but never mind that. 
HQ is not stupid. He could see a Lamborghini there, these cars are hard to miss and I guess he decided to see if he could get the engine of the thing to turn over.
Skip to Benefits, Far reaching and eternal
Have you ever fell into a rabbit hole like this? Or witnessed a usually happy and successful person run off into a ditch of no return? What happened?
12 Responses to “The Power Of Love and Friendship - Part 3: Cards, Cars and Fast Women”
Oh yeah, I started sliding down the rabbit hole in 1994 and really started to plummet in 2003. I got professional help two years ago (on your recommendation) and I’m much better now. Not completely well yet, but better.
Thanks.
Very timely, Elsa…and yes, as you know, I have been in the rabbit hole. And there’s been plenty of good people hollering down that hole for me to get out but I finally found someone that threw me a rope, and I’ve been steadily climbing since.
And guess what? I got my own apartment, I move Feb 1 
Me too. Got out a couple of years ago. Please write more!
22 years in that hole. If I weren’t so happy now, I’d be sad for the time lost, but the lessons must have been necessary. I’ve always had to learn the hard way. Finding yourself in your fifties is a lot harder than finding yourself in your forties, thirties or twenties - I say get out as well. Nothing is worth the time because time is all your really have on this earth. Don’t waste it in the wrong relationship.
I too have been in a rabbit hole for a long time, and between continued therapy, good friends and in no small part advice from you, I was able to see that I, too, was worthwhile and deserving of more than the miring neglect I was up to my neck in.
My divorce is final on Friday. I get the keys to my new house on the following Monday, and while the transition has many bumpy moments, I am happier than I’ve ever been! Oh, and amidst said transition, I dropped two dress sizes, too!
I’m still a work-in-progress, but at least I’m lovin’ me for the first time in my 31 years of existence.
It’s called Jupiter… I mean, “Dimples rising”.
LOL, I have moon in Sag, 10th house, sextile Jupiter. Even if everything’s going to shit, I’ll still smile easily, laugh loud at something funny etc.
As for rabbit holes, I think leaving is just the first step. You can walk from a bad situation but your body can still be physiologically stuck in the past. Shit’s always going to hit the fan: death, illness, breakups, unemployment etc. The question for me is why do some make it out whole and some come out only to continue on half dead?
I think some factors besides social support include one’s ability to narrate the trauma and the quality of that story (e.g. repetitive sob story probably not good), overall physical health (e.g. healthy sleeping/eating patterns? cortisol levels? immune functioning?) and quality of the new environment in terms of stress and uncertainty. I’m sure there are more.
Oh yes. I am in the rabbit hole now, not relationshipwise but healthwise and self-confidence wise. I am being pulled out.
wonderful post. You just need that ONE person to believe in you. That’s all that matters.
yes, I have been in the rabbit hole in the past and am still teetering on the edge. A good friend is IN the rabbit hole and that’s as worrisome as my own hole!
yes. having people to help and others who supported me (as who i am) helped significantly.
working on it. soon it will be a hole of my own choosing. but holes are cozy sometimes too…
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~raises hand~
yep. me. 1989-2004
15 long years
and when i emerged? some very, very good people were there to help me back on my feet