How I Deal With The Dark Heart (As I Understand It)
Astrology in real life
I rarely have to deal with these types that I know of. Who knows who says what when I’m not listening but as I’ve mentioned here and there, when I have come across them, my hit is that they are DEPENDENT.
I do not feel they operate from a position of authentic strength regardless of outward appearances and you can back them down with virtually anything.
“Jeez you are a horrible bitch,” will send them scampering in the other direction and if you ask me that is a pretty cheap fix.
The point is they don’t stand up to challenge at all. You may not be rid of them but you can drive them underground in about 60 seconds and this is why I have so many “dark fan clubs” out there.
Do I care if a person reads my blog and takes shots at me with their pal? Not in the least. As they focus their negative energy on me, they become weaker and I become stronger. Sorry (says Libra) but this is just the way it works.
How do you deal with the dark-hearted (as defined in the post and the comments - Dark Heart)?
34 Responses to “How I Deal With The Dark Heart (As I Understand It)”
RUN! And then ignore the million subsequent phone calls. These ppl. find so few people to put up with them, that it’s easy to fall for their otherwise giving nature. No, really, some of the most “dark-hearted” people I met were very, very giving in strange ways. Like paying for dinner, or being a soundboard themselves for my own issues- you know, “good friend” stuff, all while being incredibly dark underneath it all. That’s the trap-they’re giving so much “love,” so how dare you leave, right? I admire you for just saying the b-word and getting it over with, Elsa! My balls are still growing in that regard :/ lol.
“I admire you for just saying the b-word and getting it over with, Elsa!”
I think this comes from growing up in the desert. I have been isolated and don’t mind being isolated again. In other words, I just don’t need company bad enough to hang around bitches.
~~
“““Jeez you are a horrible bitch” scares me for fear they will target me even more, and be even more subversive about it as well. This really reminds me of the gas lighting topic.”
Well this is the terror… how terrorists operate, they control you by your fear but in REALITY when someone runs around talking smack about you (I have a lot of experience with this!!) eventually their crazy obsession shows itself.
I am telling you, people like this have one pal, two at most and if you really examine the relationship you would see, they don’t much like each other either!
In other words, it is a paper tiger. Who (with brains) wants to listen to someone go on and on about how Tammy is a bitch? You can only do that so long before people want to wrestle you to the ground and pummel you!
I just feed them rope & let them hang themselves. I know I’m not the only one they are gossiping about.
I worked with some women once that I could not bear to be in their company. If their mouths were open they were either bad mouthing someone else or themselves. I just want to scream get away from me!LOL
Tam, I agree and if they keep it up long enough the only person who will listen is a therapist!! Scott talked to one about me, WEEKLY for 3 1/2 years!
Ha ha ha.
This is a common scenario:
“Someone wrote me talking about you. Sorry, Elsa, I wrote them back. Blah, blah, but then I realized they were crazy…”
It is a hard lesson for some of these people sucked in.
I have had many, many people write me on the behalf of trolls and I don’t even tell them they are trolls because if / when I have in the past, they think I am gaslighting them!
It’s like having an ex man who beat the shit out of you… if you tell his new girlfriend of his character, she’ll think you’re a nut! So anyway, Tam’s method is the only one that works. The smart people figure it out and the dumb people, who cares? At least they’re gathered and away from you!!
I really don’t have time for crap like this in my life, I really don’t. I learned this from, Ben, 25 years ago - you’ve got to just live your life and if people want to waste theirs, let them!
‘Sorry (says Libra) but this is just the way it works’.
Nice one Elsa! I was thinking that it was my Libra asc (trying to be nice all the time) that made me a victim of these people, but I can see now that it doesn’t happen any more because my Libra has evolved into what it should be about - that is keeping my OWN balances and not making myself subject to other peoples imbalances by overcompensating for them.
While I feel that this could certainly be true, what comes to mind is the people who feed/thrive on being called a bitch, too. there is someone who comes to mind when I think of this…she seemed to thrive on putting people down to make herself good, but also thrived when people became “weak” and reacted to her cruelty.
she used to say ‘i’m scared i’m like her father.’ he was extremely abusive. she had strong views on physical aggression,but her mental aggression knew no bounds.
I remember talking to you about her in a consultation, Elsa. You advocated for me to stand up to her. Last summer I had the chance, she emailed me after we both attended a funeral. The person had been close to me for almost 15 years. She wrote me an email shortly after (I forgot to block her years previous) telling me how @$%$%^ up I was and how much she didn’t like me or respect me. To know she had waited, after 2 years of silence, to try and stab me and gaslight me while I was at my lowest..?
It actually fortified me. I wrote back something simple, something not doused with fuel she could set alight…ending with ‘you are out of my life, and that’s all’
I don’t know if it worked (I blocked her email after that) but I like to think it did. Sometimes I find myself backed into these corners with people and no idea of how to get out!
Are there certain qualities/personalities/aspects that attract the bitches? Are there types that the bitches just stay away from???
In my experience if you are a kind, generous, gentle person who believes the rest of the world is also like that they see you coming. That’s not to say you shouldn’t be kind, generous and gentle, just be more realistic about people and the world we live in. Someone once said to me ‘Keep your radiation to yourself until you find a house where it’s welcome’. Radiation meaning qualities.
moonpluto - I think they pick the easy victim. They go for weakness… kick people when they are down, put them down, try to keep them there.
I have yet to see one stand for more than one punch or even a slap for that matter.
Is there an astrological pattern? I’m curious about what seems weak to them
“I’m curious about what seems weak to them..”
If they are well dressed and you are not…
If they are ____ and you are not…
and the thing they have that you don’t is something they think is universally important.
Basically, they are supposed to breathe and you go down and if this does not work, they have no plan B!!
They are weak, looking for someone weaker. I am rarely mistaken as weak so don’t draw this very much but on occasion…
When I do draw it, I stand right up and they go right down… underground anyway.
I got raised not to say a dang word to my relatives about it. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Let them say whatever, give a brief response (”No, she’s not pregnant”) and give them nothing. Never let them see a chink in your armor. No comments.
Nowadays, I can put up with almost any amount of shit from someone. Whether or not that’s good, I don’t know, but I got trained to deal with these people this way because they will probably not go away and I will have to deal with them my entire life on as polite a level as I can manage. I have seen what they do to those who are their outright enemies (as opposed to me being a “passive” enemy because I am Not One Of Them, but other than my marital status, they don’t find me too offensive) and hoo boy, I don’t want to be one of those people because I took a stand.
I think I’m picked because I’m not ever seen with a group of women. I’m usually with men because they have accounted for 80% of my coworkers over the years.
If the bitches see me with the men (lunch), then I’m having an affair with them, if they see me alone then I’m a weirdo that doesn’t have friends.
See I’m single and my friends are married with children. Plus I work in a different town from them so I’m only with them at holidays or at night in a restaurant or on weekends at their homes. I have to work around their schedules because of their personal obligations so I am targeted.
My friends have said a million times, why do people bother you? You stay to yourself, you never bother anyone, you keep secrets, you aren’t interested in gossip.
I’m different from the local norm so I’m picked. BUT I refuse to change who I am as a person to accommodate their asinine behavior!
I’m not bothered too much by these kinds of people anymore, started with Pluto’s transit to the 11th, and I think it hit its peak with Pluto transiting my 12th House. Pluto conjunct my ASC (and now it’s firmly in my 1st House) …well I just feel like I got handed a hell of a lot of personal power.
you know :::flicks fly:::
“get off me”
ha ha
“I have to work around their schedules because of their personal obligations so I am targeted”
Tam I’m sorry to split hairs–does in this situation is it the other people you socialize with in these scenarios? Ie. your friends’ friends? (Just trying to get a feel of things)
For the most part, I will not tolerate such cheap behavior, nor will I participate in a system that allows it. Because I don’t always recognize vultures immediately (I keep to myself for the most part) sometimes I can be blind-sided, but not often and not for long. Given the choice between hanging with losers or being alone, I’ll choose the latter. People close to death cannot waste time being inauthentic. Do you know how many breaths you have left? Exactly my point.
As I was reading this it struck me that the dark heart/bitches is almost like a predatory thing.
Like you said Elsa they see someone and think for some reason they are weak and bam they are on their way to try to hurt the person.
Growing up I was very little for my age and got picked on and beat up by girls that were much older for no reason. It was strange to me but whatever. Now I take no shit,lol. I usually let stuff slide cause I don’t really care about the person or what they think. If what they do affects my friends or family or starts to affect me in some way watch out(libra mars).
Now that I am grown I don’t have that much of a problem with it. What I do have an issue with is when people say shit and it is veiled. They are saying something to demean you, but it is worded in a way that is sneaky. That really pisses me off. I want to call them out on it but those types never own up to it and always deny.
I live in a VERY small place. So I standout.
When I went to lunch with male coworkers, was when I worked at a larger company so the women in the main office (the ones that had nothing nice to say about themselves or anyone else) said that I was having an affair.
The latest bitch, the last five years, I met in a class I was taking. She has tormented the f*ck out of me. The latest episode is that she turned a woman against me that I had been friendly to for three years.
I first I wanted to fight them, but I’m at peace with it now. If you will dump someone that has been nice to you for three years based on gossip then who needs you?
BUT my only “joy” in all of this is that I know astrology and the bitch doesn’t. Why does this bring me joy? I’m a Gemini with Virgo moon, she’s a Sag with Pieces moon so when I’m getting my ass kicked by the universe I know she is too! Ha Ha Ha
What goes around comes around….I’ll wait ya out bitchypoo. 
When Pluto conjunct my Scorpio Moon on the midheaven, people dropped from my life like flies. I grieved the loss of my best friend for two years. Eventually I understood it wasn’t the loss of my “friend” (liar, betrayer, gossip, cheat) that I grieved, but the loss of the dream or illusion I held dear. My father died too. (Pluto opposition Sun). And I died a thousand deaths over the next couple of decades. Now whenever I choose to divert from what I know to be true because I think “it will be just easier”, the consequences are immediate and not subtle. Knowledge is responsibility, the ability to respond. When the bitches bite, walk away and don’t look back. You lose nothing.
cherie - thanks! I like when people post good advice here, especially when it’s clearly hard won.
Please understand I have lived these stories at one time or another. There is a tendency to see people bigger than they see themselves or perhaps I see their potential. One of my “hard won” lessons is to see individuals clearly, not through my magical thinking. It’s not my job to change anyone. People change when they want to, are ready to or don’t have a choice.
“People change when they want to, are ready to or don’t have a choice.”
Awesome!
Pisces moon transcends and Leo sun hopes that other people will notice that I’m not the one with dirt on my hands.
I have Mercury in Virgo and paired with a Scorpio Mars it’s within my abilities be straight-up nasty — I can hit all the notes — but I have not done so since I was a child. The reason being that after I vomit cruelty to defend myself, I feel unclean: I feel like I just stooped to their level. Which I guess I did.
So it’s Pisces that transcends.
So many good comments on this post…great advice too. I have to say that what Miss said struck home for me…the sneakiness is what really gets me fired up. It’s the same as fighting someone who is unarmed. Even in fighting there are rules of fairness and good sportsmanship. There have actually been a couple situations where I am left standing there with my arms up in the air saying, “Hey, come back here and fight like a man!”….”that’s not fair, what you just did!” Or how about when you confront a person that you understand has been talking behind your back and they deny it to your face, but you know it’s true….I hate that.
People who are sneaky with their attacks or run away after they ring your bell, well….as my son would say, “that’s just lame”.
“I really don’t have time for crap like this in my life, I really don’t.”
I wanted to thank you Elsa, because with a very few short words and a sigh, you put things into clear perspective for me on an issue I was feeling quite ripped open about. Your words changed my perspective and I realized I was expending emotional energy on something that wasn’t worth a pinch of shit. Thanks again
“Please understand I have lived these stories at one time or another”
I get this, Cherie. thanks for the reminder, too, that some of life’s most efficient teachers have experienced things so others don’t have to (makes me think of Shadow work).
I don’t have time for this crap, either.
How do I deal with it? Usually with the Miss Manners approved blank stare. I figure if you give much of a counter attack, it lends credence to their initial attack, and I definitely don’t want to do that. So they get the blank, almost confused stare, maybe a couple blinks, and my back in rapid succession. No energy at all. (And much like the “cut direct”, it sends a pretty clear signal.)
Reminds me of a chapter in a book (I think it was The Plains of Passage by Jean M. Auel) where two travelers came across a camp that was being run by a ruthlessly evil and twisted woman. The female lead saw what was going on in the camp and called the evil bitch something like “inhospitable” - slapped her down cold without giving any more to her fight. I loved that.
I don’t. Once I know what they’re all about, I distance myself from them ASAP.
Someone wrote on another blog about this possibly being a Venus-Pluto issue. I think it is; well, one aspect that relates to the issue, anyway. Since Venus represents the feminine psyche, and if she aspects Pluto, you’re carrying the collective dark side around. Any woman who’s not in touch with herself is naturally going to lash out at this.
I haven’t been bullied by anyone, but I have been ostracized and pegged as a “weirdo”. I don’t relate well to women, especially those my own age, and never have.
I wonder how my little daughter, who’s 5, is going to fare with this issue. She also has a Venus-Pluto conjunction (my son does too), in Sag. (It runs in our family…everyone except my 7 yo daughter has it, and she will have it by progression.) It’ll be interesting to see how she relates to women when she gets older.
i used to walk away when i recognized it. that didn’t work when they were my students. calling them on it (with more pc language) didn’t seem to help, but then, i did get the worst of the mess sorted out just about by the time the year finished.
most of it seemed to be… making it clear that their fault finding had no relevance to you.
but not in the saying… showing by doing.
but, well… what about the male types… who use their fists rather than words? it’s a different game (steal, break, destroy, damage, and wound…)
Much like Shannon - I give the very flat deadpan stare. It has a bit of the ‘eat dirt and die’ look to it though. Most people don’t try again to splash their blackie-black heart rays at me again. They KNOW it won’t get past the deathray-shield. 
Because I’m fairly certain they get the feeling that if they try THAT again? I will do the verbal smackdown and they won’t live thru it unscathed.
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I will remove myself from the situation and if I can’t I will ignore them as best as possible. I keep on reminding myself that they’re massively insecure. I might look at my Aries Mars sitting on the 7th cusp (both quincunx Pluto) and wonder how much I might be projecting & why am I attracting this. Maybe wondering is a waste of time here!
Thanks for pointing out the dependence operator. The thing is the dark hearts I know are subversive and indirect and so saying ““Jeez you are a horrible bitch” scares me for fear they will target me even more, and be even more subversive about it as well. This really reminds me of the gas lighting topic.