Second question… Catch up here: The Aries Mother And Her Son

“With my boyfriend. Well. Our synastry and our composite are both kind of messes. I think most typical astrologers would look at them and tell me we’re doomed. Yet this relationship has lasted five times as long as any other one in my life. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, feel more supported than anyone (even my family) has made me feel, and just plain think he’s a good, admirable man (which aren’t so easy to find.)”

(swearing below the break)

My first thought when I read that was please don’t let her go on to bitch about him. Being “happier than you have ever been” is a very big deal. That the relationship has lasted when others have not? Very big deal. You feel supported by a good, admirable man? Just note that if you stopped right here you’d be happy…

“I think he respects me and cherishes me and will give me the room to be who I am, but at the same time we have rambling political/philosophical discussions where we come at ideas from totally opposite sides of the spectrum where I feel like he simply cannot see the value of things I hold to be core elements of my personal philosophy. Or he will argue points I’m not even making.”

This smacks of control. He respects and cherishes me but that motherfucker! I want to dictate the rules of war, his way of seeing things but this bastard just will not bow down!

Could this be why the relationship has lasted? That would be my guess.

“This comes up a lot around feminism, for example. I’m not anti-male, by any means, but the entire idea of going back to a legal system where every important decision in my life was made by a man horrifies me. I simply want the right to self determination. Whereas he spends a long time arguing about women who aren’t willing to make the same kind of effort as men but want to be paid the same. It’s like we’re arguing heatedly about two different things.

This happens a lot, and some of the discussions have become heated enough that I’ve had to leave the room before I said something stupid that I’d regret. It’s ridiculous. Particularly since I’ve long thought that if more men were like him, we wouldn’t need a feminist movement.”

It sounds to me like the fight is internal. You have a man’s man, a manly man who clearly you value. Trouble is that motherfucker won’t act and think like a women.

“At the same time, he seems to feel insulted that we do…. as if all the bad things a large number of men have done are blamed on him. And perhaps that’s happened to him in the past. I get the sense it has. But I think he takes it as an affront to his personal sense of chivalry (very strong… for example, he’s a guy who will always stop by the side of the road to help someone having car trouble.) And I get affronted because he seems blind to all the horrible ways an imbalance of power has been used against women and it’s just stupid. The whole thing. He’s arguing his personal experience and I’m abstract. Or it switches. We’re never complaining about each other.”

I have to tell you that he makes more sense than you do. ::ducks::

The reason is because he is consistent. Let’s just say you’ve got a male chauvinist pig on your hands. Have you not noticed you like him? If you put your gun down you might even love him.

I think you could be quite happy if you opted to be a feminist in love with a male chauvinist pig and just leave it at that. Quit trying to change the pig into a lamb, especially when you like pork so much.

“I want to know how I can best support and love him as _who I am_ without getting drawn into these weird ghost-boxing matches. While sticking up for my principles and beliefs. I am done cutting off pieces of myself to avoid confrontation. (at least, consciously. unconscious I have less control over.)”

Sorry, but I think you should love him as _who he is_ and let him worry about loving you which by the way, is something he seems to excel at.

You have a 9th house Jupiter in Gemini and your perspective can change. Instead of “cutting off pieces” so you avoid a fight, how about accepting the fact you feel differently about some things?

If you want to go a step further, entertain the idea you might agree with him more than you realize. That is, you beliefs might actually clash with your principles and he just happens to be in the room. If you read your own writing carefully, you’ll see what I mean.

Here is a song you can channel when your pig is being piggish. I hope it amuses you, helps you cope AND helps you find your way to “happy” because all in all you have a man and a son there and both of them love you. When you get upset you can play it in your head for diversion while heeding my sister’s advice below.

On the boyfriend: Bless his heart, he thinks out loud! Given enough time, he could think himself to the other side of his own philosophy! Give him time to think, (out loud,) you love to jump in. Then ~ there are the women issues, he has them. Find them and gingerly, Libra-ly work through them if you want to keep this debating-is-my-hobby person. I would. HINT: Sooner or later this dude has to find some balance in his own mind. Let him, which is a new concept for you. LET people, my Aries friend, practice this. On the woman thing, Listen, for verbal cues to the issue(s) Is it Mom?
-Annalisa

And here is this from the soldier. Another perspective for the Jupiter of yours, point being that people besides you have views that make sense even when they conflict with yours.

“Women have run the world since the beginning of time and if they would quit being oppressive to men and pushing them around, maybe there wouldn’t be so many wars. Quit starting wars like Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Queen Elizabeth, Bathsheva…

You know why cavemen went hunting don’t you? It was because some woman looked around the cave and said, I want a skin to hang on that wall, right over there. Next thing you know the guy has got to go out and kill an animal so she can have what she wants. I’m telling you, P, I think these women ought to stop pushing these men around.”

pic by satori

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