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Clearcut Astrology: The Aries Mother And Her Son
Clearcut Astrology
This gal has read my blog(s) for a long time. I have worked with her on various things at various times so be aware there is a history here.
She sent two questions with two payments so I am going to consider them separately. I feel the two questions are connected so keep in mind I have more information than what is presented here and there is nothing I can do about sharing it with you since my knowledge and impressions of this gal have been formed over time.
With that disclaimer, here is the meat. As you can see she is very wordy (self proclaimed) so I am just going to put my ramblings between hers…
Aries Mom writes:
“With my son, I’m most specifically focused on the interplay between his Leo/my Saturn and the power dynamic. I want to encourage his gifts- he’s remarkable- he won an art contest run by the university concert hall, and I’ve had people in the industry tell me since he was a toddler that I should try to get him into commercials or modeling. I’m just terrified he’s going to end up another Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger, River Phoenix (or, simply, the child’s father, who did modeling for awhile before his motorcycle accident and meth addiction 
I want to support him in becoming himself but at the same time I’m terrified of where that might take him.”
I think your concern is warranted. With Jupiter rising in Leo there is no doubt this is a shiny kid however he is inordinately sensitive and at risk for addiction. We see it in his chart and in his family history but with that said, I am not sure there is anything you can do about your son’s destiny.
It is mistake of the parent’s intellect to think they are going to be able to determine things like this - they are not. If this strikes terror in the parent’s heart, hopefully feelings of relief will follow quickly because ultimately the person who has the most to say about how your son’s life goes will be your son.
“I’m also looking for ways to teach him to control his tendency to lash out violently when he feels hurt. He can be extremely vicious, a huge change from his generally sweet behavior. He’s extraordinarily stubborn and so am I and sometimes the only reasonable thing it seems for me to do with him is shut my ears, send him to his room, and wait until he regains consciousness from whatever tantrum he’s in (or until I calm down enough to think rationally, myself.) Is there a more effective way to defuse this sort of situation?”
I know there is such a thing as a “vicious” 6 year old, however they are few and far between. You son is a sensitive kid with fears for his security who people expect a lot of. While anything is possible I don’t see his chart as a recipe for “viciousness” so I wonder just what you consider to be “vicious”. Is it possible a person like me might consider the behavior normal?
Throughout this post and the next you demonstrate that you have a standard of behavior you feel people should meet. Your standard is very strict and I am not sure it is reasonable.
In other words when your kid is hurt you want him to react in a certain way. Instead he reacts in a way that is personal and authentic to him - he rages. You see this as something you’ve got to fix because it falls outside your ideal and I see that as jacked up.
I am not sure but I suspect the “more effective way to diffuse the situation” may have to do with your accepting this fact: Your son is a man or he will be. Read on…
“He behaves a lot better when my boyfriend’s around. There’s male things I just don’t understand. But most of the time it’s just me and him. And I want to raise him to treat women with respect (he’s very very charming with women) and sometimes he exhibits some pretty unpleasant behaviour.”
He is craving the male energy and oppressed by yours. I am not being mean!
Check his Moon Saturn and understand if you do not want to oppress your son, you are going to have to relax your tendency to control and focus very hard on supporting his emotional nature.
“He picked up too much of my friend’s abusive patterns for my liking. For awhile he started to say things to me that she had. That was the biggest straw that made me realize I needed to get out of that situation (and thank you SO MUCH for your advice and encouragement this October.) Even now he will revert to some of that… like I said, he gets vicious when he feels hurt.”
You are passing blame here. It doesn’t matter where he got the problem, it is your problem now. You don’t like “your friend’s patterns” but the patterns are in your own family / your own son. You are rejecting your family here (Moon Saturn). You are also projecting the shadow per the Pluto opposition in your own chart. Where is your culpability? You brought the friend into the mix, yes?
Anyway, I feel like I’m set up to be in a longstanding battle of wills with my son, and my job is to teach him to learn how to use power well (rather than the heavy handed verbally abusive tactics my mother used on us) and I feel like I don’t have nearly enough role models or useful skill sets to do this well. And I have a big mess to clean up due to the living situation we just left.
Quite a job this kid has, given to him by the mother (Moon Saturn). He has got to redeem his grandmother? Quite a heavy burden.
Also more passing of blame here.
They’re still my only overnight babysitters. I keep thinking I should cut them off but I don’t know how I would manage to get time to do grownup things otherwise. Guess maybe I should try to find more teenagers. We had an awesome evening babysitter who just left for boot camp and I’m at a loss, again.
Here you get in supreme trouble. These people are supposedly the cause of your son’s ills but you have to have them in his life so you can stay out overnight? You can’t have it both ways.
If they are heinous then get rid of them and stay home at night. If they are merely not ideal then work on accepting this. They are not ideal, your son is not ideal and most important of all, you are not ideal. Further none of you are ever going to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for keeping an eye on`your kid but I have the strong impression you have given birth to an oak who you would like to behave like a willow and this will never happen no matter what you do, how hard you try, or what your hopes are. And I appreciate this probably seems harsh to many, it seems harsh to me! However, every consult I have ever had with this gal has been similar and I think this is why she hires me.
Part 2 - The Boyfriend, coming up! Elsa P, out.
Preface:
Hi Aries, (in the 8th, no less, lol..) Plain talk for you. I’ll bet you thought I’d fill this space with riddles! ha! Ohhkay:
You can’t change people and with your chart, you, especially, must change yourself, your mind, your actions, YOU. You communicate beautifully, now: let’s learn to communicate with your men. Begin, with your hard head and start to debate inside the way you do/see things. I’ve got an Aries in me, and I would. It is not easier to bang your head through the wall, it is better to find the door. I say this with love.
The young man: He’s stubborn, it’s his JOB! Actually, he’s got two jobs, he’s also a dramatic creative young soul who loves the stage. The sweet thing wants to be a good boy. YES, let him have that attention by performing, it’s what he DOES! ( It also happens to scare you to death. Why? Someone rained on YOUR parade.) Let him be a noble star, I would.
oh, and he needs LOTS of love. love, love, love.
Annalisa
pic by satori, “Shirley MacLaine and her daughter Sachi. I think it illustrates the opposite of control.”
satori chose the video as well
Comments welcome.
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15 Responses to “Clearcut Astrology: The Aries Mother And Her Son”
I’m a bit confused about the age of the son (which is going to have an impact on how he responds to situations) — from Elsa’s response, is the child 6 years old? Or are we talking a teenager? Still young enough to need someone overnight, in any case?
If he’s very young (which I’m assuming from the 6-year-old comment), he’s a child, and not many children can respond in an adult-like manner to upsetting issues (there are exceptions, as with anything, but most children have to grow into some maturity — they’re not born to it). It’s not necessarily being hard-handed to understand that you’re the adult and he is a child, and he does not always “need” to understand the same way you do. Setting boundaries and rules does not make you a stifling or verbally abusive parent.
If you want to guide a river to flow in a certain direction, you have to build the wall of the riverbank first. You can spend all day explaining why the river has to flow that way, but it’s going to channel it’s energy the way it wants to until there is sufficient reason to go in another direction. If you want your child’s energy to move in a certain direction, perhaps setting the boundaries (instead of trying to reason him out of his rages) is more productive.
that was >:sniffle:<
Sounds like a beautiful child.
You know, I found this one of the most difficult parts of parenting: accepting that I did not control my children’s destinies, how much ever I wanted too. (I have Moon/Saturn, too.)
It felt like a slap in the face the first time it hit home that hey, my kids could grow up to be assholes, and it was entirely their choice! Ow.
And they aren’t going to do things the way I would choose for them. Even if I explain why VERY well….LOL. It took me until they were teenagers to get this. You’ve got a gift if you can process it when you kid is 6.
Good luck, Aries Mom!
Yes, he’s wonderful 
I think most of the awful things he was saying came out of when we moved to the new school and he went through two months of pretty severe bullying before I pulled him out.
He didn’t tell me for awhile, and then none of the administrators did anything useful when I contacted them about it (mostly the issue was poor supervision on the playground) but he told me one time he’d gone to ask for help and the lady told him “I don’t want to hear it.”
He punched me in the face mid-January, which is when I realized drastic measures were called for.
His new school is awesome. His turnaround’s been pretty dramatic. But he still pulls out these awful things that (I realize eventually) he probably doesn’t even understand when he’s upset at me.
Thank you goddess… all I can do is my best to be conscious. Control was the big issue between myself and my mother as well, and I don’t want to repeat those mistakes. Which is so easy to do if I don’t pay attention.
“he probably doesn’t even understand when he’s upset at me.”
It may not be about you. He may be acting out what was done to him.
I maintain the best approach is one of support and notice you are blaming the lack of supervision on the playground.
There is always going to be something out there that you can point at but it is not going to solve your problems because you can’t control ANY of this.
You have to support your kid in finding his way in this world - PERIOD. Because if it is not the playground monitoring, it will be the other boys lousy parents, or the crap book he read, etc. etc. etc until the day you die having resolved, nothing.
I remember when my son was bullied on the playground. the playground teacher said, “if I don’t see it, it didn’t happen.” and “don’t tattle.” so we moved and changed districts and schools. at the next school the TEACHER was the bully. it was definitely worse. I had to teach my son some serious coping/life skills and went all the way up to the superintendent.
it’s like the universe is presenting a teachable moment and if you “spin again” you might end up with a worse scenario.
I guess I make it sound simple, the leaving the first scenario. I volunteered every day, was on the title reading committee, my ex was on the site-based decision-making committee. I did try. but not as hard as I ended up HAVING to try later on in the second scenario.
I lost my faith in other human beings. I lost my interest in volunteering. my son was not as empowered as he could have been and lost his love of school. and tho we fixed it in the end, the harder scenario had a HIGH cost to all of us.
I am impressed that you were able to teach him those things. What did you teach him?
the coping/life-skills? the biggest one was not to run from a problem. that’s not to say he GOT IT, but he was exposed to the lesson. he was also involved in the solution. I also didn’t just take over. I let it be his problem that I helped with.
a line I find myself using with fair frequency is “pick your battles.” usually that’s in the context of “not worth fighting” but it shouldn’t be used to mean you NEVER fight. learning when to stand and fight is a good lesson.
if I had the whole situation to re-do I’d get my kid into self-defense/martial arts/ass-kicking class and let him fight his own battle with support in the inevitable establishment aftermath.
I mean HELL, he was already getting his ass kicked; he may as well have learned something helpful for it.
True enough. I wrestled with the question of whther it would be running or not. But when trying to get help got him nowhere I couldn’t stand to see how it was affecting his behavior. He was so dreadfully unhappy. It wasn’t until later I realized how deeply it was affecting me- when things improved. I relaxed.
Overall, I think… I just need to relax. Somehow I’m still thinking I can control things I really can’t.
Satori- I’m seriously considering putting him in martial arts. Trying to figure the when/where/how. I’ve seen it do good things for a lot of people. And he says he wants to do it.
I agree Elsa- It probably wasn’t about me. Took me a long time to figure that and even then it takes me a while to separate myself from what he’s saying. I’m sure I better figure this stuff out now, though. I don’t want to be stuck in the stupid when he’s 15.
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I read most about the Mothers problems with her son. I must say the Continuum Concept is a great book to read. Shows parents a very old way we forgot about in nurturing our children. Also I found that taking classes on how to deal with behaviors like ADD, ADHD, Autism etc. (Totally! NOT saying your son has this, doesn’t sound AT ALL like he does) but in taking these classes I use the techniques I was taught on children, so they don’t feel oppressed, but empowered and I’m able to set structure in a healthy way. I use to work in daycare, a bit of special ED, and my brother has lots of special needs(behavior wise)