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1 Minute Astrology - Could Feeling Jealous Be Normal?
1 Minute Astrology
From 2007: What’s a dog to do?
36 Responses to “1 Minute Astrology - Could Feeling Jealous Be Normal?”
I think a certain amount is good. There are some situations that might offend a person’s sensibilities if their partner weren’t jealous. I think it’s bad when it’s controlling and stifles. And I think it’s a balance.
When I say some situations, I want to bring up the fact that there are couples who ’swing’ which is very much against my sensibilities, but not something I see as immoral, just very unattractive to me. Some people can live without it for the most part, or so it seems. I wouldn’t want to.
Ooh kashmiri said it so perfectly, the last sentence. I’m not like a large portion of women in that I hold men accountable for their part of a relationship - and if put in a position meant to inspire jealousy I’d be pissed at the man. I’d end the connection if he’d sacrifice me to feed his ego. I would know if he was doing this…
This is a favorite of men, they look so ‘innocent’ while they do it .. setting two women up to do battle over them.
I remember my college boyfriend trying to pique my jealousy - when he said there was a ‘cute’ girl who seemed to be interested in him. Soon after I dreamt he was in his place with some other woman, I walked by them and proceeded to his wallet, took a credit card, keys, and drove off in his new Jeep Cherokee .. lol.
I guess if you both feel this energy then it’s ok .. if only one does it’s imbalance of power.
Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It means that you’re emotionally invested and wish to protect your interest. Still, it can go to extremes and I think in those situations that one must step back and regain composure. I don’t believe that a romantic relationship is worth having if you can’t trust your partner to place you above other women. Personally, I hold a man responsible for his portion of the relationship. The rare times which I’m jealous I do confront my partner in a calm mannner in order to understand what’s going on because if it’s just something in me then I want to fix it. If it’s him, I’m going to evaluate the relationship that we have and weigh the pros and cons.
It’s an odd one. As an Aquarian I don’t get why we can only be with one person. But that’s the way it usually is, and life is too mysterious and vast for me to say that I know better and it ought not to be like that.
Sometimes, I’ve been jealous and it has been helpful because that other person has some kind of trait or something that I wish I had. But of course, I don’t want to admit that so I make up reasons not to like them until I get tired of that and get real with myself.
So, I guess I’d say jealousy can be good if it spurs one to improve themselves.
I think there’s a difference b/w being jealous and being possessive. They often go hand in hand, but it’s really the possessiveness and related problems with insecurity, trust and control that turn most people off jealousy.
Society is so focused on the monogamous, marital, procreative model that it’s difficult to tell how much of one’s jealous feelings and ideas about relationships are a result of how we’ve been raised to think, or what we would naturally have gravitated towards. I do believe some people are naturally more monogamous than others and that this is independent from a person’s inclination towards possessiveness in relationships.
I am in an open relationship and have given alot of thought to jealousy. I have felt pure joy at sharing my love with others and there have been times in my life I’ve been consumed with jealousy. The difference in the two extremes for me lies in whether or not I feel secure and loved by my partner. If I am not getting what I need in the relationship then I’m not going to be able to share any of that kind of energy with anyone else.
And yes, I think regardless of the circumstance, jealousy is just something you feel and no judgment is necessary. For myself, I take it as a warning sign that some adjustment of boundaries or the exchange of energy needs to be adjusted.
absolutely. I like the soldier’s take on it. What matters isn’t the emotion but the actions taken. If it stifles the love or unifies it. Same emotion, different outcome. Usually you both seem to just admit to the jealousy and work together to find a middle ground so as to not feed into it - like swimming somewhere else naked. You could have insisted on swimming in the pool and killing the girl lol. But that would have been destructive.
In hindsight with my ex it wasn’t these feelings that were the problem persay, it was the actions that went with and the lack of communicating to be able to find true common ground. As well half the time jealous is telling you there is something that you want - figuring that out and getting it met in some form so that the monster is fed is the same thing. Surpressing it by denying it to live to an ideal of not having it can be subversively destructive.
Just be careful not to use it against each other.
i think it’s a fear of potential loss, perhaps.
if you think you have something special (magical?) any sense that it’s mundane or less than unique can feel threatening. like “am i special, or am i replaceable?”
or, well, i’m running with some of these questions lately. say you want to support the individual freedoms of others, but at the same time feel threatened that they might choose to do so in a way that would hurt you? i think it’s definitely a projection thing, that you set yourself up for given wide latitude… you’re aware of the tradeoff in “security” you’ve made for freedom. at least, that’s some for how i’m looking at it. that can be a big chink in one’s sense of security to leave open.
the deeper the relationship, the more it’s liable to hurt if damaged, and the more threatened we feel by potential damage to it. i guess.
Jealousy is a natural human emotion. It will be part of the world whether I like it or not.
Personally speaking, a display of jealousy is one of the fastest ways to make me fall out of love with someone. Not everyone can handle me and my take on fidelity and intimacy. Although I am prepared to be faithful to one person and put them before all others, I still really enjoy connecting to a lot of people in ways that I consider non-sexual and therefore perfectly legitimate (e.g. hugging, kisses on the cheek, sitting close together, brief fleetint touch) and since those things are an authentic expression of me I am not prepared to stop. And if someone can’t handle that, then I’d be stopping the relationship as a way to save us all some heartache.
Although my husband fights hard against his jealousy, it is there. Most of the time it amuses me (he insists people are looking at me, I am oblivious to this) and I’ve been as patient as I can in explaining the way I interact with people and why, but ultimately there comes a point of “On this issue my dear, you either trust me or you don’t. And as I have grown and challenged and changed myself because of being with you, so can you reprogram your brain on this”.
On the other hand if you are with someone who doesn’t consider those feelings to be a problem, then great. Wishing you best of luck.
There’s really nothing I can do about being jealous so I’ll have to accept it and deal with it. On top of that, I can’t feel bad for being this way because I actually enjoy that out-of-control feeling of being jealous (well, saying this makes it embarrassing, I have to admit).
I think in certain relationships, a balance can be achieved that makes this less destructive, but it’s difficult. Even though I’m jealous, I’m the kind of person that goes: “Don’t you even dare being jealous of me!” Meaning: I’m not going anywhere, so just let me be.
I have Aquarius Mercury and Venus so I would prefer to let go than hang on and fight for someone… especially, as Kahmiri said, someone who I felt would allow another person to interfere with our bond. Yes, I think insanely jealous people need therapy *laughs*.
So, you and the soldier were in phone contact during the time you were with the AMF, right? Or did I get that wrong?
Anyway, if you two have always had this deep, deep bond, and you were in contact, did it bother him that you were with someone else and very happy at the time? If so, how did he handle that? And was he experiencing a transit that might explain an enforced tolerance and delayed gratification? Or maybe dictating an outright resignation that he wouldn’t have you ever again and that talking to you would just have to do?
been thinking about this a lot lately. redefining thing. i have/had an extremely strong ideal of love being something unownable and incapable of being possessed… only experienced and cherished.
but, at the same time, i’m thinking the species was actually designed to pairbond. and the world between two people doesn’t stretch any fatehr than that. i’m wondering if you’re working at the difference between “jealously” (in the wanting to control someone’s interactions with “competition”) and…wanting to preserve the intimacy of the space between you and someone else. i’m not sure if there’s a good word for what i’m getting at. a wish to separate the rest of the world from the private space between you and a specific person. something like that.
not so much a need to control the person.
this is where my aquarius/aries moon/sun get into arguments with the pisces mars that just wants to create a sacred space. and protect that.
wyrdling, I love that: ’sacred space.’ it sums up what I cherish about love. thank you.
i’m glad i could figure out words for it.
Others maybe able to flourish in a relationship rife with jealousy. I could not. I like my romantic, friends, and family relations to have as many friends as possible. Romantic– don’t tell me about other lovers. I like my space and quiet time. I am never jealous of my friends and their friends. I would feel suffocated in a relationship rife with jealousy– kind of like– if I could cause you that much grief then maybe we should not be together and vice-versa.
That was priceless! LOL! I don’t know about jealousy. I have libra (and aquarius), and can’t decide :-). But if I were you I would just be happy that the soldier is fine with it - that you are both fine with it. Why make life difficult?
There must be something gained? A high from the emotional drama or possibly great make-up sex? It seems to me the Cardinal signs like to see where they fit into the mix. How do they measure up? Something is gained from the emotional experience.
I’m with Lupa.
“I have felt pure joy at sharing my love with others and there have been times in my life I’ve been consumed with jealousy. The difference in the two extremes for me lies in whether or not I feel secure and loved by my partner…I take it as a warning sign that some adjustment of boundaries or the exchange of energy needs to be adjusted.”
Exactly! When I feel jealous, I view it as an intuition…I’m sensing something about this new person that makes me feel threatened. When I don’t feel that, I’m able to be open with my heart and let things flow.
I think that the dynamics of a relationship are set early on. If you’ve ever watched The Dog Whisperer, you’ve seen how he can walk in and have the dog acting perfectly in a minute. Then the owner comes back and the dog regresses to his previous behavior…because that’s how he’s always been with his owner.
For some, it would be a problem. If you’re comfortable with it, then the old adage applies: if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! 
I think the only time it’s truly negative is when someone knows you get jealous easily and uses it against you/manipulates you with it. (And that wouldn’t even be YOU who is necessarily being negative.)
I know that jealousy is a part of life for many in various situations like triangulation of desire. It’s a matter of how you choose to deal with it. My mom, when she was alone would stifle any jealousy she felt for when her friends got set up. Sometimes you work within it and around it to make it something good. It’s also Aquarian to accept differences in relationships.
Sounds like jealousy is in your blood Elsa? Like an Italian connection perhaps? Perhaps some passion and jealousy mixed in your case.
Anyway, is there anything wrong with trust? Trusting that love is the glue that keeps two people together? I have said it before about jealousy, its a complex feeling which involves the anger about the fear of a potential for rejection. In many cases of experiencing jealousy the person may feel like the relationship is solid, that the attachment is strong when signs of jealousy comem through. Without that sign of ‘bonding’ perhaps a person is less loveable in the world and interest in the other starts to wander?
Intensity is another payoff from jealousy. The relationship feels intense, exciting and the best love of all kind. The intensity can work to convince that this is the relationship I cannot be without so its a way to “be together”.
The danger in this kind of feeling over time is when the intensity reduces and trust takes over some of the need to be vigilant with a partner. That might feel like the love has gone.
kingsley
ya know, Kingsley, I can’t intellectualize my feelings when it comes to the soldier. The fact is this constellates with him like none other - I think it is explained in the astrology by the opposition between our charts I write about so much. Fact is we’re hot, HOT wires and we do cross at time, flare at times and it’s just a fact of life like sometimes a volcano blows it’s stack.
Also, just for the record neither of us are “vigilant” in the way most would imagine that word means. That is we don’t snoop or mistrust or anything like that. God, I wish I could convey this somehow. We KNOW no one is going anywhere. The feelings are not rational… we also know that. But they come up anyway, FAST and HOT and you’ve nothing to do but experience them.
It’s like an orgasm I guess. ::snicker::
No but really… we have no need to do anything, this whole phenomenon is organic and I guess if you don’t live on this (low) level then it makes no sense.
Two dogs live here now… Dora and Clucky. You should see the shit they pull, they act just like us!!
Now they will probably do these things they do until they are just too old same as the soldier and I. But the soldier and I will be on our deathbeds with this energy…. the dogs too I guess.
kingsley - just saw your testing comment. Sorry, yours went in the spam filter… was recovered. Sorry about that, chronic problem around here.
I guess that is just how it is for your relationship Elsa. If something aint broke why tinker with it?
best
Kingsley
Kingsley - I wouldn’t change a hair on his head and I am pretty sure he feels same. I dunno what else to say. We love each other but we like the hell out of each other too and just don’t like other dogs messin’ with our food! 
I dunno, in some ways I sense that you are surprised by how things work for you and the Soldier. Perhaps from time to time a gentle pinching may help to remind you of such good fortune in your relationship Elsa?
kingsley
Maybe he likes me bitchy and ungrateful like this. Or maybe I am neither bitchy or ungrateful and it just seems that way to others.
The important thing that Elsa references in her video is “with certain people.” That is totally what it is for me. I think the Synastry plays a big part.
I don’t feel jealousy about everyone, but there are a hand full of people who bring it out of me. It tends to be black or white, either I’m indifferent about someone or I’m jealous without the ability to rationalize or at least a lack f wanting to do such.
I don’t think it is crazy. What’s “normal” in one relationship may not be normal in another. It’s all relative to the relationship. It’s up to the parties involved.
Updated opinion! LOL
I love your philosophy about energy, Elsa. The one where you say you need your partner to focus on you? I really relate and it was refreshing to hear my feelings reflected by someone so articulate.
Recently I was on a message board that I go to a lot in the section where people talk about their personal feelings and came across a post by a woman who was conflicted about her partner having a porn addiction. (I know that’s not the same thing as flirting with real women or having an open relationship, but I think it is intertwined as an issue) Other women on the site were actually calling her insecure for being uncomfortable in her situation. I mean, women who did not know her at all were snipping at her. I stepped in, having some experience with internet bullies (who doesn’t) and carefully defended her paraphrasing your philosophy, or my interpretation of it as it applies to me.
I was shocked at how these women who were attacking her (accusing her of being insecure) were so afraid of being seen as insecure themselves. I know some people genuinely can live with open relationships and variations thereof, but I think some people only pretend to be okay with it because they think they should be.
The women then attacked me, acting like I’m some kind of psycho unreasonable jealous freak. I think people who are truly secure can let live and agree to disagree in regards to how others want to live.
“The women then attacked me, acting like I’m some kind of psycho unreasonable jealous freak. I think people who are truly secure can let live and agree to disagree in regards to how others want to live.”
There is no doubt about that plus the lack of boundaries is appalling. Just because you live that way or feel that way, you assume I do and if you find out I don’t you have to denigrate me?
Not in the America I know.
All or nearly all emotions are natural and inevitable, what really matters is how we choose to deal with them.
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I think jealousy is there whether we like it or not, but it’s a bit like the word ’stress.’ A blanket word for a bundle of issues. It is organic, it’s how it dictates peoples’ behaviour that can be so frightening.
Not so much jealousy, but I think of another person coming between us and it hurts me deeper than I’d like to admit. I have serious abandonment issues and I’d prefer to let go than hang on and fight for someone who I felt would allow another person to interfere with our bond.