I’ve spent most of the day contemplating patterns and rules of relating that are deeply rooted. The subject is too vast for me to contain and communicate but I’m going to try to get something (coherent) up here. I wound up thinking of this in terms of different cultures and I started with my own…

When Italy was hit with their earthquake, the US government donated $50,000. I could barely believe my eyes when I read the story - such an insult!

I mailed my inner circle to say the Italians would not forgive an insult like this for centuries, if ever. There are certain things you just don’t do…and being cheap when people and babies are lying there bleeding is one of them.

Madonna has since pledged $500,000. I was glad to read that and being Italian herself, I am sure she felt something similar to what I did. Anyway it seems there are certain rules among cultures.

For example if an American tells you they will pick up their kid at 8 PM, they generally show up right on time but if a Mexican tells you the same it means, “thereabouts”. My son’s best friend is Mexican and you just pick this stuff up after awhile as you should if you are trying to bridge gaps.

Now I have lived in a multi-racial neighborhood and have for 13 years. Matter of fact when I moved here, this was the most integrated city in the entire country. I moved here when I was pregnant specifically so that that my kids could grow up exposed to different cultures and have had literally no problems at all. If you have any problem with anyone, you really can’t live here very comfortably because you are going to see the thing you don’t like every, day on every corner. So it seems like it’s all blended… but.

Last week I would have and could have argued this was the case but today I can’t. I reacted to that $50,000 thing for starters. The person next to me (my neighbor) probably did not have the same reaction I did. My response was acute and visceral. I was an offense to my soul and a couple days later I suffered similar blow.

There are certain things all Italians know. One of them is that you mind your own business. Another is you keep people’s confidences or secrets. You don’t go blabbing, see?

You don’t poke and you don’t blab and if you break this rule, you are swiftly dealt the harshest penalty. Basically, you become an instantaneous pariah if you don’t wind up tossed into the sea, food for the fishes. This is just social rule and once a person breaks it, it is impossible to recover.

If you doubt this, just recall the Italian gal who stormed off my blog a couple years ago when I wrote about the mafia. She really had a fit and frankly, I didn’t blame her because I’d have acted the same way in her circumstance. Piss off or betray an Italian and they are going to get mad and stay that way for what may as well be a million years.

I think all cultures / religions have rules like this. The Mormons will shun you for various things as will the Amish.

I actually contacted HQ who is part Asian to ask him about the Korean geh, or kye today as part of my research. A kye is social group where money is pooled for the benefit of all. It is based on trust and if you break the trust of the group (take the money and run), you are going to have a very hard time living among Koreans as your reputation will be ruined.

I have spent the day thinking about what all this means, living in America the melting pot and I wonder how other people feel. It’s Moon stuff, see? You really don’t want to ever piss off the Mama if you can help it. This is just good sense.

Are you aware of your roots and the rules of your culture? How do you feel when other people (from other cultures) break them?