Well, what if the men split on you?

Of my exes, all of whom dumped me, I think only one of them really regrets it and will repeat. But on the other hand, the end came because he was refusing to shape up and decided he didn’t want to any more. I think he’ll be doing that his entire life no matter who he’s with, and I doubt his future partners will care too much that he’s a slacker if he sticks to dating other slackers.

I do have to say here that his dad got dumped for not getting his life together by his fiancee, and when I heard that story I thought, “Yeah, someday that’s going to happen to (ex) too if he doesn’t.” And he didn’t. Family repetition. For the record, dad had it somewhat more together than the son- they had a rat-trap sort of life, but at least he eventually learned to stay employed and kind of figure out money. I highly doubt my ex will ever manage it.

On the declining quality of men, though, that’s probably true. But that also comes with getting older and the good ones get married.

I hear this a lot from older ladies…”If I knew all men were like (x,y, and z) then I woulda just stayed with my ex-husband.”

Well, my husband and I have been together for 9 years. We started dating when I was 18 so we’ve pretty much grown together. I know being with him from such a young age might be looked down upon, and I know there are some who think we’re doomed because of this. Growing together, we’ve both made mistakes here and there but we always work through it. Even if we are doomed, if worst comes to worst, I would never regret my time spent with him because I’ve learned so much and would be better for it no matter what circumstances may come. But yeah, couldn’t imagine what my life would be like if I broke it off all of the times I thought I wanted space in the begining, lol.

This brings me to a debate a friend and I were having. She says no one should EVER try to make a marriage work for the kids. I say it’s the best reason to try.

I put a quote up some time ago from some gal circa 1900’s… I found her pic. She said something, like why bother to divorce your first husband when you can’t tell him apart from your second?

Anyone remember that? I can’t pull it up / find it and it’s driving me crazy.

I have this one co-worker who has helped a lot. I call her the preacher (she’s a sadge) and she is brimming with good advice about relationships. She’s also 14 yrs older than me and I get a honest-to-goodness reality check from her and her experiences.

First thing is to forget my relationship’s being the exception. I am just like everybody else, and this has cleared away a lot of self-delusion, I can tell you.

I think in the case of both husbands it was right to go. I needed that relationship at that time in my life. But being practical and conscious can go a long way in determining the viabilty of a realationship. That’s where my friend has helped me out, by pointing out where I’m shooting myself in the foot.

She is the one who told me, when I was criticizing some minor flaws of my BF when I first met him, that they were superficial and that in time they’d become unique and endearing. She was right. When I was being kind of demanding early on, she advised me to slow down and realize that having gotten out of a marriage with a difficult woman, the last thing I should do was be difficult myself, and that I was expecting too much too soon. She also pointed out that men (specifically Italian men) do not like to be alone and that it was unlikely he would be unattached for long. She made a list of his attributes, and then looked me in the eye and said “Do you think he’d have trouble finding another woman?”. She’s been single for a very long time and would like to meet someone, but she says there’s no one left.

He’s an absolutely great partner for me and I think that has come out over time; when I look back at some of the minor things that I thought were such deal breakers, I find that I was forced to talk about my wants and needs and our relationship (which I have always hated), and it’s made this the most equal partnership I’ve ever had. I can’t imagine fighting about some of the things now that we have before.

Advice: if you are majorly compatible, count your blessings. Do not believe that if you’ve found it once there is an endless supply out there for you to pluck out of a crowd.

Pixiedust that was great, thank you.
In the last year I’ve had some serious problems and realized just how much my partner loves me and has invested in my well-being. Sometimes I feel guilty about what an ingrate I could be but I have to overcome that (useless) guilt and instead focus on being the best partner I can be. I feel better about myself when I’m making a committed effort (Capricorn Moon trine Sun)