“I get so tired of working so deep in this dirty grave… and stayin’ up all night.”

- Doug Bennett in “Frankie” with Doug And The Slugs

I remember when I first started writing stories on xanga. People beat the hell out of me and I just couldn’t understand it. I was telling them a story, see and it was going to be a good one but they just could not let me tell the damned thing.

I’d say, I met this guy and blah blah blah. The thing would be fetching, that’s the point. But then everyone would want to know how the damned thing ended. I mean you’re 3 pages into a book and they start yelling at you to finish the book apparently not realizing that if you do as they say there will be no book!

This is a Mars Mercury phenomena you know. I have to fight for everything I want to say and people want to fight with me. I challenge them and they want to challenge me and the whole thing is just combative.

I’d be writing about one thing and they’d ask me questions about another and I’d just go crazy behind the scenes.

“Do these people stand up in the middle of a movie and demand to know the ending?” I’d yell at whoever. ‘Are these people crazy??? What the hell is the matter with people?”

Anyway, I would write these stories, I wrote a lot of them. I wrote maybe 50 stories, many of them 100 pages long and ultimately people were quite energized and entertained and happy with them but boy was I beaten up along the way. I mean I got beat to a pulp and it was relentless.

I feel the same way on this blog much of the time and the current astrology class has been challenging.

I knew it would be considering the sky is so jacked but what do you do? Nothing until Pluto leave Capricorn? Nothing until Jupiter is back in Sagittarius 10 years from now? No, you’ve simply got to do the best you can in the climate but in whatever case I was thinking today how terrifically hard it is.

No matter what I do there is always strife and I’m not blaming anyone. I KNOW it’s me. I also know the people in that class will ultimately be happy. They have spent $30 very, very well and I am sure their investment will pay over time just like I know the people who read my stories have not forgotten them. But creating this stuff, making it come out that way is something else.

I always say, give me a chance. Give me a chance to write the next piece of the story before you burn my ass down and I don’t know what happens after that because it always gets quiet. I don’t know what people are thinking but today I worked on the 4th chart (of 20 which I think is an epic number) and what is in this chart in comparison to the others is worth the $30 if anybody gets it which is where the magic comes in.

Because they do get it. I don’t know how but I do manage to hook people up with something they can really use, even when they barely know it in the moment I just wish they’d stop beating me in the process because the process is hard enough.

I am the kind of person (like Henry) you wish you’d have asked a couple more things when you had the chance and I really loved double Scorpio, Doug Bennett of Doug and the Slugs. He had a very funny way of saying things no one else could think of in a million years and that bit on top came to me today.

People think all kinds of things about me but I know I work in a dirty grave and I have since the day I was born.

That Neptune up there on the midheaven is something else.