Free Email Consultation: Desire For Stability, Reliability, Depth, Change And Excitement In Relationship, All At Once - Part 3
Read Part one… there is a link at the bottom to Part 2, etc.
“Hmm, so…agreed that I am tired/bored with the same pattern running over and again. And yeah, I’m willing to experiment with staying through the impulse to leave…however, how does that work if all my romantic feelings have turned off? I just stay even though I feel nothing and that fact is obvious to the other person? Seriously, I’m willing to experiment but just not sure how that would work.”
Yes, the point is to hang in long enough to see what happens next. Because as it is, we don’t KNOW. You may break through. You may get to a new better feeling but as it’s been you will not tolerate pain so there is no growth, there is no breakthrough and you never get anywhere.
See the thing is you never get anywhere and you never will unless you change something and the only thing you can change is you. OR not. But if not, you have to come to terms with who and what you are. Someone who comes in, engages another human being and then disengages abruptly leaving the partner in a heap.
You are at an age where you know what you are and what you do. If you like it you’ve got no problems but you report that you don’t like it, so you see you’re up against a mountain here and it expects to be climbed.
You are probably familiar with the stages of the grieving process and you are probably in one of them, say “denial” or “deal making”. You can and will probably stay in a state of limbo for a short time while Saturn is retrograde but then the pressure is going to increase until you see the only way out is up that hill.
And this is in your best interest, see. In the fact that you want to solve this… being forced to solve it would be a gift.
Nobody wants to stop having fun! Nobody wants to grow up. However if you look around you see that what you are doing is no longer fun so how nice of the universe to put a mountain there for you to climb.
I am not being snotty here, I am just pointing out reality and the art in this. Can’t keep doing what you’re doing and luckily for you there is an alternative.
I wouldn’t worry about this too much, in the moment. Saturn is retrograde and it would be hard to start on the mountain today… and ill timed. Here is my advice:
Just think whatever you want. “Elsa is wrong!” Or maybe, “I hope Elsa is wrong.” But when Saturn turns direct if you do find yourself in circumstances where you’re standing at the base of a mountain and there is nothing to do but go up it, then you’ll know exactly what to do and then you can say, “Elsa was right!”
Arrrrrgh.
We are over our time. I really hopes this helps you. Thank you for being my co-creator on this virgin voyage. Thanks for being such a good sport! 
18 Responses to “Free Email Consultation: Desire For Stability, Reliability, Depth, Change And Excitement In Relationship, All At Once - Part 3”
This is amazing. The best lessons in life aren’t the ones that float in on the morning breeze, welcome as the scent of lilacs; it’s the hard stuff, the lessons you WON/earned. I appreciate that you can put the hard words out there for people.
And if the person this is regarding reads this, I mean no offense at all, but those who are married often say the love comes and goes. You don’t always think they’re the best thing since sliced bread, but working through those periods is always worth the effort. It might apply here.
I posted on Part 2 with some ideas on that “sudden turning off” of interest to the current partner. I will wait and see if that turns up and then be back with more. Love this piece! Thanks for doing it, both of you!
oh jebus it’s like all my comments are disappearing. i will not give up! 
What incredible women. Reading your thinking and advice based on what you see in a chart and then giving straight talking and compassionate options:
‘You are at an age where you know what you are and what you do. If you like it you’ve got no problems but you report that you don’t like it, so you see you’re up against a mountain here and it expects to be climbed.” I relate so clearly to the mountain simply never going away.
This was a great maiden voyage — thanks both of you for sharing it.
Elsa, what a great idea this was. Thank you, and thank you to the chartee—you are most certainly not alone!
oh shit! no worries, it’s not your fault! this will give me the chance to re-vamp and re-do with further thoughts. i have some quasi-practical ideas about staying interested. back later!
I attempted to post my version of a polyamorous solution which seems to have gone straight to spam on post #2, so I’ll put suggestion #2 over here…
Maybe she just should accept, if she can’t stick with a guy a la Elsa’s solution, that she’s only meant to be a short-termer. Warn the guys up front that she’s not going to be in it with them forever, and date guys who also aren’t going to be in it forever. That way, everyone’s warned, and only those who don’t believe her get hurt.
Doesn’t really account for Saturn too much or getting older…but that’s where Elsa’s solution would come in again.
I agree with the idea she should own who she is. My friend, Ben who is an Aquarius rising with Uranus exactly opposing decided traditional committed relationship was not for him in his 20’s and has informed everyone since (more than 20 years).
Otherwise you are a predator, see? You are preying on other people’s emotions when you contine to engage people when you know damned well you’re going to leave them.
The growing up part is where you take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
Comes as a watershed to many when they realize that people who are 35 and 40, etc. know exactly who they are and what they are doing….
That was tremendous.
Person who asked the question: I dated someone like you. Your letter and Elsa’s comments struck a huge chord with me. Thank you for writing, as you have opened my eyes and I’ve learned so much from the above transcript. The person who I had a similar experience with left me in terrific pain. And it went just like described, chapter one and then the lights went abruptly out. I hope you never have to experience the receiving end of this, and have the chance to experience the next phases of relationship. You might find that people are infinitely unique and that the story is worth reading till the end. As they say, the best things in life are worth waiting (and working hard) for. Elsa’s advice is excellent. Thanks to both of you for putting yourselves out there
Chartholder, come back with the results of your experiment! I’m curious to see how it goes.
Dear Chartholder, I’d say you can have it all, but you can’t have it all at once, and you can’t have it all at other people’s expenses but also at your own. So, each time you expect others to provide satisfaction, you may ask yourself what could you provide for others too.
You may not like what i say, but I put it there at your disposal
Totally agreed, she should own her pattern and her desires, and I’ve wondered this about my own boyfriend. Sometimes I want to ask him, so, by the way - are you just planning to stick around for the next couple of years? Until something shinier turns up? Or what? Self-realization is tough. I mean, nobody has a crystal ball, but knowing your own pattern seems the only responsible thing to do.
Anyway, it sounds from installment #3 here that chartholder is really interested in figuring out a way to latch onto something more permanent, rather than just informing partners she’s only here for the short term. So I am going to address just the phenomenon of “romantic feelings turned off.”
The rest of this piece is about a Saturn solution and now I’m going to propose a Uranus solution to go along with it (Saturn-Uranus, how timely). Venus square Uranus presents a challenge but maybe a remedy too. I think the key here is to BE the excitement in the relationship. I have Sun conjunct Uranus and yeah, I can leave somebody like my ass is on fire if I NEED to, but on the flip side I have the gift of seeing everything like it’s new, every day. Every time I look at/touch my boyfriend, I remember the first time I saw him/touched him. Not just remember, but I feel and see a vivid flashback. (flash - get it?) This allows me to stay in a relationship for a long time without feeling bored. This was true of my 10-year relationship with my ex, too, which didn’t end because of lack of interest by any means. And what I realize now is *I* brought that to the table. I’m the one who brought the Uranus and I was never bored. I think you can do that too! Now, with my current man it helps that his Uranus is right on my Sun, too. So this is my two-part suggestion and I hope like hell you can figure out what I mean and it’s useful to you, because I don’t have Elsa’s gift.
1) BE the romantic interest. Channel Uranus. I’m talking about a mind trick here, about cultivating the ability to see things as brand-new. This could also include doing things recommended to ‘keep the excitement alive’ like trying new things with your partner, changing it up, but I’m not only talking about that, I’m talking about altering your perspective internally. I think this could work by seeing yourself as a source of interest too (Venus!)
2) Find a partner who has strong Uranus contacts with your chart.
LOTS of luck! I really loved reading this piece… you remind me a lot of all the folks with Sag energy in my life.
ok seriously - every time i try to post a response to this thread, it gets eaten. save it for me, Elsa? I have a copy saved but I just can’t get anything to show up to this blog!!!
No problem! I thought ahead to saving a copy this time por si las moscas.
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Fabulous! Both of you!
For me, the thought of climbing the mountain and actually making the decision to climb the mountain, has always been much worse than the actual climb.
Good luck!