Hi XXXXXX! You’ve got a crazy problem here. It is a million times more of a challenge than I’d have imagined and I hope this is more validating then upsetting to hear. I want you to know, I am not losing sight of your original note and the word you used, “despair”. I have total compassion for you. I see that Saturn is transiting your Moon and squaring your planets in Sagittarius and I know you are bound to be depressed and in pain even when your voice is upbeat.

I also know you speak “candor” and so do I so I am just going to let it rip on this and if you can keep in mind, I am on your side and working for you (Sagittarius perspective), all should be fine. Because you’ve not made a mistake here!

It is the Saturn transit that prompted you to contact a Saturn figure. You want this stuff defined. You want to know what you can and can’t do… where these lines are so you can make your own decision how to proceed. I am just going to go through your post(s) and make comments…

“I have really strong contradictory impulses towards acting erratically and change vs. reliability and lack of change in my relationship life (& my chart). I’ve hurt a few important people in my life through this and am starting to despair that I can ever resolve it….without doing something radical like an open relationship, which I really couldn’t handle either.”

and

“I guess what I wrote is it in a nutshell, but to elaborate: I have quite the history of getting into a relationship, things going well for a while, then I become somewhat bored and eventually become intrigued by someone new. I guess the boredom sort of builds up and then the new interest happens very quickly, catching my partner totally off guard.I used to have problems with cheating - now I just break up really quickly with the first person so I can be with the second w/o technically cheating.I know I have strong tendencies towards interest in the new and different romantically, but the problem is I also find great pleasure in the stability and comfort of having a steady partnership. The in between thing hasn’t worked either - greater distance, not seeing each other as much, just makes me dissatisfied at the lack of intense and regular interaction and wanting to find something more substantial. I seem to want intense depth and yet novelty as well, or something like that. I don’t know if it’s a matter of not meeting someone compatible enough, or if I’d do this no matter what, always wanting something more/different - likely the latter, I think. I have also wondered how much of this has to do with compensating for other areas of my life not going well - I simply have more ’success’ and get more enjoyment through relationships than other arenas - but even if so, not sure how to transform this so I can use this energy in other ways. I feel like I’m maybe channeling a lot of energy through personal relationship that possibly needs an outlet in a bigger arena, but don’t really know what.”

I want to take your word on the “no open relationships” but if there were ever a chart made for such a thing it’s yours. Now it’s common knowledge I am not keen on that sort of thing, it’s just not for me. I mention this to make sure you understand it is not something I would come up with as an idea for someone but here are some facts about you:

First, the level of freedom you want and need and require is off the charts just with the stellium in Sagittarius alone. The Saturn trine suggests you have the capacity to reign this in but I am not sure this (restriction) is what would make you happiest. Taking responsibility for your Wild Horse-ness is probably a better tack.

Now hopefully you won’t be too offended when I tell you that the Sun in Sagittarius inflates the ego. The exact aspect to your Sun from Jupiter exacerbates the situation so it’s worth knowing you are an inflated person.

Don’t worry, I am an inflated person too. This is how I know it’s good to know,

So to apply this knowledge you can look at the fact that you will cheat but you won’t tolerate an open relationship where the other person can “cheat” and that’s a vivid manifestation of the inflation right there.

Now I know about your efforts to curb your cheating and I respect them so just try to stay on the ground with me so I can get this info to you. I am not judging you, I am trying to lay this out so you can sort and stack it however you like,

“I have quite the history of getting into a relationship, things going well for a while, then I become somewhat bored and eventually become intrigued by someone new. I guess the boredom sort of builds up and then the new interest happens very quickly, catching my partner totally off guard.”

This is a function of Venus in Aquarius (sudden attraction) exacerbated by the square to Uranus. Like your Sadge Sun aspecting Jupiter, it’s another double whammy. While you may be able to train yourself not to act on these impulses, you are always going to have them.

One way to work with this aspect would be to see the partner as a friend and opt not to mess up your friend..

“the problem is I also find great pleasure in the stability and comfort of having a steady partnership.”

This is due the fact Taurus rules your 7th house. Taurus wants love built to last.

Mercury in Capricorn may also cause you some grief around your lifestyle. Part of you is actually conservative. Saturn in Leo also speaks of this. In short, QUEENS do not behave in this way…  they do not have open relationships and stuff. You can see how this complicates things.

“I seem to want intense depth and yet novelty as well, or something like that.”

I think you can have both these things to an extent. The problem for you is the word, “extent”. With a chart like this you just don’t want to suffer any restriction or tie down of any kind. In short you want it all which is just not available to any of us for any length of time. This is REALITY (Saturn) which is what is bearing down on you right now.

The upside of this is once it’s told to you (by me, by the universe, by whoever) and once you accept this you can really start to live. Because the fact is no one is going to stay on top forever. People do age. Beauty queens fade and new beauty queens come up to take their place.

Your game then, is one for the youth and this is what the Saturn transit is trying to tell you. The carrot you are chasing cannot be gotten by the horse so once this is figured out you can turn your energy towards other projects… or not!

You can chase the carrot for the rest of your life and some do. I’m not judging it because I can’t grow up myself in many ways however I have awareness!

So you can continue to try to get this carrot that can’t be gotten just because you like the feeling it gives or you can decide the thing is played out and turn your (considerable) talents towards other pursuits.

I feel like I’m maybe channeling a lot of energy through personal relationship that possibly needs an outlet in a bigger arena, but don’t really know what.

You may be right and the way to find out is to stop doing what you’re doing, yes? Saturn = stop. Slow down. Make sure you want to chase another carrot before you chase another carrot.

If you do want to form a lasting relationship, I offer your Kris Kris Kristofferson’s words as a mantra:

“Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose…”

Come back with questions or further directions if you like…

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