Remember Denis? One Man’s “Hit On You” Is Another Woman’s “Attempted Rape”
Astrology in real life
On the cheating theme and hoping I don’t start a riot, I thought I’d tell you guys a story and in the process, catch you up on someone I used to write about on this blog, Denis.
Now I liked, Denis a lot. I used to see him in the gym and we always enjoyed talking immensely over a couple of years. We eventually started talking on the phone when we found we were in similar (odd) situations and we also started spending time together. Not a lot - a little.
I used to write about our conversations and you may have noticed that posts about Denis stopped, abruptly and this was because Denis hit on me.
Yeah, he hit on me and you may say that men will be men but I don’t see it that way. The soldier was not here at the time but we were tightly bound and I talked him with Denis at about the same rate I talk about him on this blog. That is about 60% of my conversation was about this man I love which in my mind should leave no doubt as to my status here however…
However, due whatever delusion or confusion… I mean I don’t know who Denis had me mixed up with (Neptune on the midheaven) when he tried to kiss me - knock one off before my boyfriend got to town but I can tell you this: I was OFFENDED to my core.
I take this as an Italian thing. I feel very “Italian” when I have these feelings but I am from a culture where it’s very insulting to a woman, that you would think she would cheat. I was DEEPLY offended and I never spoke to Denis after that day.
Not only did I never speak to him again, I never made eye contact with him or allowed him to make eye contact with me again. In Italian parlance it’s called “persona non grata”.
I really had no choice because to look at him would have filled me with such rage and hatred, I’d have likely jumped on him and started beating the shit out of him. This is how strongly *I* feel about this. HOW DARE HE THINK I’D CHEAT!?! The level of disrespect filled me with rage.
I remember Scott laughing at the time. Not at my passion (he knows me) but at the stupidity of Denis. You see the dangers of Neptune out there. Delude yourself at your own risk. Fuck with me like that and you’ve got an Italian woman with a knife ready to stab your sorry ass.
Denis was a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon. I bet he had never been shunned quite like he was by me in his ever-lovin life and maybe next time he’ll think twice before he tries to stick his dick in something… or his tongue down the throat of a woman like me.
Matter of fact, if he’d have taken it much further than he did, I’d have had him brought up on charges of attempted rape so this just goes to show you that some people have lines and not believing things when people tell you them in plain language can get you into a world of trouble.
Bottom line, if I tell you that I am attached to a man and then you try to screw me, I will not be taking this as a compliment. Respecting my relationship is taken as a compliment though because when someone does that I know they can SEE me.
One of the soldier’s very old friends sort of dissed me. This was in person. He followed this up by asking how, “Elissa” was doing a month later and the soldier hasn’t exactly spoken to him since.
I think we both feel our lives are too short to bother with people who can’t or won’t acknowledge the person we love the most. I mean, who’s got time for that?
If you respect him, you respect me and you respect us and vice versa. The idea that we would have anyone in our lives who did not respect us is delusional.
“Hey Patrick Swayze, come to this party and leave the bitch at home…”
Yeah right. Look at the picture, that man is in love.
34 Responses to “Remember Denis? One Man’s “Hit On You” Is Another Woman’s “Attempted Rape””
yeah.. he doesn’t even come to the gym anymore. Seriously, he found another gym. And I don’t know if I was part of the reason but I may have been.
I never said a word. Not to him or to anyone else but it was very clear if he interacted with me again in any way, he’d be going down, one way or the other.
People just lose their ever-lovin’ minds around me and I have no idea why. I liked Denis. We enriched each other’s lives but sure as shit he plastered himself on me one day and I had to fight him off.
If he’d had the audacity to speak to me again after the vibe I sent off, I swear to God, I’d have sent the soldier. And I mean, I’d have told him the story, given him the address and never spoke of it again.
But how would they make soap operas without people trying to hit on each other who shouldn’t?
In my experience, some men honestly confuse innocent ‘vibes,’ allowing themselves to imagine they might actually have some kind of chance or invitation when actually, all I meant was to be a kind friend.
I could never get as pissed off about some friend coming on to me as you did Elsa, I would just say, “Oh, I am flattered, but please do remember, I am in love with someone else, and I choose to be loyal to him” and then drop it. Depending on his reaction, I would be able to remain friends with him if he was super cool about it.
I mean unless the guy tried to rape me or wouldn’t take no for an answer easily … then, the fact that we had formerly been friends and he knew that I was in love with someone else would not even be relevant because that would all be over ridden by him being a bullying, overly pushy (mars) asshole/loser.
I don’t know why my reaction would be so different from yours, maybe it’s my Pisces rising.
Hopefully my comment will come back. It didn’t say “under moderation” the way it usually does when it doesn’t show up right away.
I wasn’t offended… just wondering where you drew the line. See, you reminded me of the ex- (the one that took me to the parking lot… not the recent one) and while I think it’s great to “do” a relationship this way, I’m wondering how many times the SO is just unaware of this need on your part.
I’m not talking about you specifically here. Because I remember that last conversation with that very special ex- very clearly, and looking back, I get the impression she didn’t think I felt about her this way. Which I did.
So as long as you’re clear about this relationship need - and spell it out for the more relationally stupid among us (*hand up*; this usually means guys), I think it’s great.
As long as everyone’s aware of the situation, great.
The problem is when you say one thing and do another. This was the situation with the ex-…
Love this particular post. It’s given me a lot to think about.
Elsa, that Scorpio woman I wrote you about who was disrespecting me is no longer a large part of my and my boyfriend’s life. Rather she looms, like a golem, and we live in apprehension that she will start calling again four times a day. But she hasn’t and I don’t think she ever will. I told him exactly what you told me and by golly I think it actually worked.
He’s still confused about the “mom” thing though.
I wonder where my post went. This never happens to me on Elsa.
LOL.. Loonsounds, you sound worried. LOL..! You just reminded me of a Virgo friend of mine 
Loon, it was in the trash along with Madeline’s whose comments are always in the trash waiting to get fished out and I did not fish them because I was at the store…
Q, I don’t have one iota of Virgo in my chart in terms of planets. I’m not exactlty worried but the main thing I like about this blog is that I can voice thoughts that don’t conform to the original thought posted (meaning, I can come out and say I would feel 180 differently from how someone else feels about the same thing) and yet not get censored.
K Elsa, that’s weird, I’ve never known my stuff to go into the trash before, but thanks for fishing it.
i would find that incredibly offensive as well. it’s not something that needs clarification in my mind. i don’t consider it the act of a friend and anyone who behaves that way ceases to be my friend on the spot.
My husband and I have strongly disagreed on the theory that women and men can be “just good friends” - he says yes, I say hell no. This story just re-affirms my strong-held belief that it is damn near impossible, unless one of the parties is gay. Seriously. There is always some underlying sexual tension going on, even if one party is oblivious to it, I do not believe for one minute that it is not true. I had boyfriends, and male “friends”, and I can tell you, everyone of those male “friends” tried to talk me into bed, you know, just “for fun”. And women can be very underhanded too, pretending they have no romantic/sexual interest, but hoping it will somehow happen. I am sure people can give me a million examples, but for me, I don’t buy it. I would never accept my husband having a female “buddy” that he sometimes “hangs out” with - oh please, I don’t think so.
Yup, so many of y’all know I am a liberal with a capital L, yet i still believe that most men are wired differently than most women. I believe that most men are wired to “get lucky” not to “be sensitive.” Should I duck yet? 
dorothy - i agree in part. i’ve chosen a profession where most of my colleagues are males. there’ve been plenty of times when male friends hit on me even though they knew i had a serious boyfriend. i’d be lying if i said i didn’t feel anything at all for them. it’s a tough line to draw. in the end, i never let anything happen and maintained friendships with them. one is a very very good friend to this day. i think people can learn. maybe there is always a baseline level of attraction but people can learn that there’s nowhere to go with that. so in that sense i’m with loon. and i do have virgo
I feel sorry for Patrick and Lisa being associated with an “attempted rape” post…
Anyhoo, I’m reminded of one guy who kept coming on to me even after I told him no. Well, I should put it this way: he stopped verbally and kept it up physically. Happily, he got canned from the job I knew him through a few months later for repeatedly flaking out on coming to work and always claiming his pregnant girlfriend (yup) was in labor. Gee, when’s the baby out yet, bud? Shame, really, he had a lot of talent put into a crappy human package.
dudes like that need a good solid slap in the side of the head with an Emeral frying pan
Right on Dorothy!
Hey I’m not a stuffed animal so keep ya damn hands to yourself. I had to “pull a fist” on a co-worker today who has wanted to hug me for two days. Gah. No free samples.
I fell like I’m freaking Alice in Wonderland lately. Is anyone else hearing or reading what people write and thinking to themselves what the hell?! Maybe I just need a vacation.
No question in my mind, that is not “hitting on” or “flirting with”. Even aside from the fact that he knew you were in love with someone else, the fact that he just moved in and kissed you without permission is unforgivable. I would have had a very similar reaction for slightly different reasons. I mean I’m not Italian and wouldn’t have felt as much horror over the cheating thing but if ANY guy touched me without an invitation whether I was attached or not I would hate it.
For me, flirting is all mental/verbal and not at all about touching. Touching falls in a whole different category.
I got annoyed at the guy at the music venue tonight who stood too close for pete’s sake. Shame you lost a friend to his probably temporary insanity.
Ugh, what an ass… I would’ve read him the riot act before freezing him out, but that would be the only difference. Lucky for me, that kind of thing never happens. A guy might ’sniff around’ a bit, but Virgo rising seems to give me access to a fantastically useful Ice Queen shield. If I get a squicky vibe I go shield-up and I’m yet to stumble across an idiot brave enough to try and get through it.
That sucks. I can appreciate…the phrase you use to describe, the “persona non grata”
It’s a commendable life skill, employing that.
“Shame you lost a friend to his probably temporary insanity”
What’s disturbing is you don’t know if it was temporary insanity or I was being set up all along. The guy was not stupid, I’ll tell you that. And based on his timing / his choice of time and place, I am sure it was not spontaneous. I mean, it was calculated, I am just not sure from what point.
“Ugh, what an ass… I would’ve read him the riot act before freezing him out, but that would be the only difference.”
I might have liked to do that too but once this happened, all bets were off. I mean - I tell him off and wind up getting raped.
This really came out of the blue sky so very disorienting. Flabbergasting is the word. I was taken completely taken by surprise and no telling what the next surprise was going to be, see? I saw an out, I took it.
“What’s disturbing is you don’t know if it was temporary insanity or I was being set up all along.”
Oh that does make it worse. What a horrible thing to experience.
And I think you were very wise to say nothing and just freeze him out. I think that kind of self control is highly under rated and we would all be better off to wait and think before saying anything at all, or pressing send.
I know your old man advise to speak low and slow and then shut up has helped me as much as any one thing I’ve ever heard. I didn’t think of it at the time but looking back that is exactly what I did with my former coworker yesterday and I came out looking like a hero while everyone is wondering what drugs she was on.
That must have given him a shock. Good for you! people can be awfully thick. A professor tried to kiss me once, and I threw hell and fury at him. He apologised and said that he ‘lost his mind’. well, I don’t know whether I believe him…
I wouldn’t dare say out loud that cheating is not acceptable in Italian culture - I lived there for three years and cheating is perfectly acceptable - a lot more acceptable than in the anglosaxan world. Lovers even have special titles. The ‘game’ people play is not to get caught. Once people get caught it’s a scandal, but before that it’s just a silent agreement. Everybody knows, and everybody pretends not to know…
Amber - I think I am from an older school where treating your wife / family poorly is just not a manly thing to do.
There is a segment out there (still) that believes a man who marries one woman and cares for her - this is his highest calling.
The soldier are both from this school of thought but have had tremendous problems living this in a world that obviously thinks differently.
This is why we really should have married when we were kids however, that was impossible for reasons that have become even more clear to me THIS WEEK due talking with my sister who was there at the time IN THE ROOM.
For example, the soldier marries and goes right into his mode but his wife has a different mode and what results is a lot of pain and anguish because really he just wants to fulfill his destiny and desire which is to be a good husband / father / family man.
This is in spite of what people may think he wants by the way. We’ve got no control over what people think of us but they are often horrendously wrong in their perceptions and there is nothing to do but shake your head.
I’m wondering if his motivation was in part his attempt to compete with the Soldier and you were just an object for him to compete for. Either way I understand your anger, not being seen or heard as a person is something to get your ire up!
Ali - I will never know. He may have been very sinister but my best guess was that he just fell prey to the phenomenon that surround me. That is, people look at me and see what they want to see.
In hindsight I think he’s was very attracted to me and just decided to delude himself I felt similar. I have had this happen before in my life. For example there was the 60 year old man who tried to kiss me once. (actually there have been two of those) and this was when I was in my very early 20’s.
If the first case particularly, I used to just chat with this guy - I mean from my perspective he was older than dirt but he came up with this kind of idea I might like to date him. I had to push him off me too, so I suspect this was similar. I don’t think that old man was malicious - he was delusional. I mean when he tried to kiss me, he had stars in his eyes and me?
Well I was appalled right out of my skin.
That old man apologized. Er… major mistake and lapse of judgment which is actually textbook Venus Neptune in both directions.
The difference between him and Denis was when I tried to get away from Denis, he held me. There was a moment there and what was exchanged (silently) was something along the lines of “If you rape me there is going to be hell to pay.” I think he got that loud and clear and let me go.
I mean the man has a PhD - he’s a Capricorn with a reputation to protect.
i know that feeling of standing next to someone sending the “i can hurt you if i want to” vibe. it’s horrendous.
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Oh wow. How stupid and RUDE of him!