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Open Question: What Kind Of Married Man Brings His Affair Partner Into The Home He Shares With His Wife, To Have Sex
Ask the collective
Dear Elsa,
What kind of man brings his affair partner into his house that he shares with his wife, to have sex? And what kind of woman, hoping this man leaves his wife for her, would go into the other woman’s house?
Scorpio
United States
Scorpio, I am involved with a man who has insight into the the psyches of men so I asked him this question on your behalf.
Brace yourself because he said he did not think it surprising, “Any man who would cheat on his wife… if he would do that, why would he not bring her into the house? A man of that character is not going to stop… have some kind morals all the sudden…”
He then asked me what I thought about the woman. I told him I would never do something like that in a million years and I also would have nothing to do with a man who wanted me to do something like that.
“Well there you go,” he said.
So here is our answer to what kind of man would do this: It’s a man of low character and a woman of same.
Anyone else?
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22 Responses to “Open Question: What Kind Of Married Man Brings His Affair Partner Into The Home He Shares With His Wife, To Have Sex”
I really appreciate the shift I’m seeing lately where people of low character are being named as such, rather than excused.
two words.
shit. bags.
They are both self-centered, self-serving and most certainly have no respect for the man’s wife. The marriage would be irreparable for me - no way I could recover from such a disgusting display of disregard.
Perhaps a man and woman who enjoy sneaking. Men often do not look at things the same as women, this man probably doesn’t realize how much more tramatic it would be to his wife if she learned he had tainted their intimate marital bed.
I somewhat feel the opposite of Korellyn in that I feel a person’s marriage and their intimate choices are their own business; not to be exposed for public judgement.
Well, doing the wild thing in the room the wife probably decorated and chose the bed, could very well be an ultimate expression of Anger toward her, i.e “I now ‘mark’ this space as mine at the deepest level, you are now a stanger here.”
(PS. I’m no scorpio, but sure sounds like it!)
Ahh yes this would be a buddy of my SO’s. His wife tossed him out on his arse as soon as he tried to have his young lover MOVE INTO their house with their two children.
He is, about 4 years later, still with the younger woman. His is also very divorced. The younger woman is rude and obnoxious and hated by all of his friends. However, his guy friends are still friends with him but try not to invite him to any events or occasions that would allow him to bring his new woman. None of them understand why he did what he did as his wife was actually nice, intelligent, and fun to be around. They do actually comment on that everytime they see him. It’s a sense of wonder that he’s with the younger woman because she’s so unpleasant to be around - and I do mean UNPLEASANT with nothing nice to say - ever.
Personally, I try not to invite him to my home- with or without the woman. Not so much because I’m trying to be judgmental but because I’m afraid I might say something really too blunt.
As for the question. I’d take a stab in the dark and say that a man like that wants to be out of his current relationship and is too spineless to say so directly. He will continue in such behavior until he is released from his current relationship and free to see as many other women as he wishes. And then those women, sadly, will get wash, rinse repeat.
This reminds me of a previous post - would you keep the bed after something like that happened
http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2008/11/07/open-question-he-or-she-has-a-new-lover-in-your-bed-how-do-you-cope/
I agree that it would take someone of low character to do something like this - I would also suggest that the people who would do this do not respect themselves and therefore cannot respect anyone else either.
I think for some people doing something taboo is part of the attraction of having an affair so this sort of thing just adds to the tension/their sense of enjoyment.
my fex and I attended his mistress’ wedding (during their affair). I wonder if her husband ever found out.
Also, STUPID.
Still, I cannot help being fascinated with the show ‘Big Love’ (not the morman stuff, but the stuff about him handling 3 wives, soon to be four, looks like).
I concur 100%. And unfortunately it reminds me of a situation I know of… Only it was the married woman bringing her young boy-toy home to spend the weekend with her while her husband was out of town. I find it incredibly difficult to think much of either of them.
lol, Kashmiri.
The whole thing is a fucked thing to do, I agree.
also potentially dangerous for somebody unless the spouse is actually out of the country or something.
My BIL, the one who had a crush on me, wanted me to come over his house to “fool around”. I said no way.
Now his crush is out in the open (it was exposed 6 months ago), and the wife took him back and claims to have “rehabilitated” him.
I used astoundingly poor judgement by returning his crush. (No sex was involved.) I was going through a very rough patch with Cap hubby, and instead of working on the marriage, I did that. And who got shat on when it was all over? Me, by the jealous and insecure women that surround him (the wife, crazy SILs, etc.) I knew that would be the outcome, but since the wife has such a crummy personality, I guarantee it’s going to happen again.
As for me, I’ve made a pledge never to get into anything like that ever again. That was my Leo ego gone out of control, tired of feeling (so as I thought) unappreciated by a Cap.
Lis, I relate to your comments and to the Leo-Drama run riot! Don’t forget, the crazy women surrounding him don’t give a shit what HE really wants, rather, sounds like they just intend to control him as long as they can … and your right, it won’t be forever. It WILL happen again. He doesn’t really love her, see? in fact, I am surprised he is not a Leo too!
rehabilitated him LOL, snort. yeah right
The only reason a man wouldn’t bring a mistress to his house would be to avoid getting caught… Read into that what you need to.
Sorry, Scorpio.
Rob, lol, does that mean you are sorry because you are a scorpio? or that you are sorry for all the scorpios? or that you feel sorry for scorpios in general?
Loon–I know he doesn’t love her. And you know who told me that? Hubby!
He called his sister’s marriage “a business transaction.” Now, if BIL the dog was telling me this crap, I’d be like, “Yeah right, you just want to get into my pants. Bye!” But it was a whole ‘nuther thing coming from my hubby, who was only in high school when he met BIL! To have a 15 or 16 yo kid think that about your brand-new relationship, ouch.
BIL is an Aries with three Pisces planets and a Csncer Moon. Saturn in Cap forms a t square with both the lights.
lol… Loonsounds… I’m sorry for the Scorpio woman going through this… because if her husband’s doing this it means he isn’t even thinking about the marriage anymore… and is going about informing her of the situation in the dirtiest way possible.
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Nope, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth. I think both of these people are amazingly uncouth. Personally, I don’t even like having sex in anyone else’s bed — other than mine or my partners, I mean. I still cringe when I hear people talking about making out on their parent’s or friend’s beds as teenagers. *lol*