Run With Women Like This And You Will Never Be Happy With A Man
Astrology in real life
It occurred to me after a consultation yesterday that women make women miserable more often then men do though the women don’t realize it. This is a common scene as it unfolds:
-The man and women meet, they like each other and various things ensue. They have sex for example and they talk to each other.
-The man confides in the woman.
-The woman confides in the man… and also in her friend(s).
-The friends note the woman’s growing closeness with the man and consciously or otherwise feels threatened. Might she run off with the man?
-The man, feeling safe with the woman confides something that is honest but for some reason difficult for the woman to hear.
-The woman repeats what was said to her friend and the friend says, “you better get rid of that bastard - look what he did to you!”
What he really did is continue the relationship. He was confiding to start with and he was continuing to confide but you can see what happens here. It’s a cock-block. It makes it hard for the women to stay on track with the man and even harder to be happy with him. If you have no idea how else this might play, lemme tell you. Here is a supportive of your relationship remark from a friend:
“Sounds to me like he was telling you truth. You have been happy with this guy awhile so if you are thinking about throwing him back over one remark, you should probably think again…”
On that woman realizes, hey! Maybe the sky is not falling after all.
I really think if you want to be happy with a man you have to run with women who are happy with a men because otherwise you are likely to play the above scenario over and over and over again. It’s as if the woman gets a new man on deck and the friend stands by with a tar covered brush, waiting for an opportunity to use it and if you’ve got someone like this in your life your chances of forming a successful, satisfying relationship with a man are almost non-existent. What you have instead is a friend who helps you through the misery she all but created and then you go on to the next prospect, wash, rinse, repeat!
And what about the man? He doesn’t know what the hell happened. He doesn’t know the woman has talked to her friends who dumped gallons of poison into the well. I think a lot women are freakishly unreasonable when it comes to men and if you have a friend who helps you stay this way, you are in big trouble and it comes down to the unconscious Mars.
Is the woman not attacking the man? I think she is and very effectively. If you want to be happy with a man, spend time with women who are happy with theirs and you will be amazed at what rubs off.
28 Responses to “Run With Women Like This And You Will Never Be Happy With A Man”
This is some of the wisest advice I’ve ever heard. And you’ve told me this personally, Elsa, because I could easily be the woman in question here. And this has happened to me again and again!
I’m in a relationship now that’s had a lot of ups and downs (in good ways) and this is the first time *in my life* that I’ve not told friends about stuff, and our relationship is so much stronger. We both agreed to get through things for a little while without consulting with others, and it’s really nice.
But I love this line: “I really think if you want to be happy with a man you have to run with women who are happy with a men”
Wow. Couldn’t be more true.
that’s why I pretty much only run with you. you don’t dump poison in the well, although you might hang your head over the side and yell, “hey, man, I think there’s poison in this well!”
Wow!! This really spoke to me. I finally realized this when I got together with my now hub. I am very cynical by nature(inherited from mom?). I confided info to my friend who used to go through men like water, and my mother,lol. I had a sort of a-ha moment and realized what you spoke about. Some people like to stir the pot and have drama. I had to step back and look at where this info was coming from and decide that I was the one in the relationship not them. At that time I too had unrealistic expectations of men in general. I decided that I had to nurture our relationship and stop sharing everything to friends. I know that they were “looking out for me”. Before this realtionship my relationships only lasted 6months off and on, sooo I actually learned something,lol.
So true! I’ve come to the realization that I can’t tell my friends everything. They will poision the well and confuse the hell out of you.
And people wonder why I would rather keep men as friends over women…I have ONE woman friend, and she’s just as quirky as I am…I like it like that.
When in a relationship, I always strive to present a “united front” with my boyfriend. I never ever complain to my friends/family/MOTHER about my man, because basically, they would descend upon him like a pack of hyenas. Once that negativity is let loose, it is extremely difficult to corral, and people say things which are never forgotten or forgiven.
Yes, incredibly wise advice. Poisoning the well. What an apt description. It has *incredible* power. Can kill a budding relationship before it has even taken root. People protecting their interests, offering their ill-conceived help, regardless of what it does to the person in question.
It’s not just with friends either. Sometimes it’s a parent poisoning the well, a sibling, roommate, spouse, boss - virtually anyone with an interest to protect. There are so many people who subtly influence a person. All they need is a weak spot, an opening, and soon enough they’re in control. Not only is it an attack (unconscious Mars), it’s also manipulation (Pluto) at it’s most destructive.
Oh my gosh Elsa….I’ve been thinking about this so much lately because my mom and her friends are all a bunch of man-bashers. I can’t stand to be around it. Once they start yappin, I usually roll my eyes an exit the room. But lately I’ve been speaking my mind, and they all treat me as if I am naive. I’m not naive in the least. I just know if I start running around with their mentality…..well, I’ve seen with my own eyes (via my parents) what exactly that attracts. It’s very hard to openly revel in a happy relationship, when you know your momma is waiting for the hat to drop. Oh well, I’m not gonna live my life that way. Sorry mom!
I think this is true in a general sense, but I think you would get this scenario regardless of gender. There’s a lot of mindfuckery when you’re the boyfriend or girlfriend coming up against anyone’s personal Greek chorus.
I truly get what you’re getting at, but I think you’re using too broad of a brush. Someone less willing to parse your meaning would come away thinking that because I am not with a guy, my pair-bonded amigos should ditch me forthwith because I’m bound to piss on their rainbow. XD
antapex - I made it very clear not all women were like this when I wrote this:
“Here is a supportive of your relationship remark from a friend:
“Sounds to me like he was telling you truth. You have been happy with this guy awhile so if you are thinking about throwing him back over one remark, you should probably think again…”
I did this a LONG time ago to one of my good friends from high school. We wound up not speaking for 14 years.
I really and honestly didn’t think the guy was any good for her. I wasn’t trying to sabotage anything. He was a “player”. I have no idea if he still IS a “player” or if he runs around on her. They’ve been married 13? years, I think, and they’re still together. None o’ my biz.
I certainly had issues with men and relationships at that point in my life, but it’s not in my nature to sabotage anyone’s life. I’ve always been live and let live. I wasn’t going to make other people feel bad for MY bad choices.
It was hard for people to get close to me in those days, I admit. I was very cynical, picking men that drove me deeper into that cynicism, and ignoring everything and everyone else on the quest for a perfect relationship. I was terrible friend material in those days. Thankfully, I did some self-searching, found a man, and got out of that rut.
I agree that would be a supportive comment, assuming the comment was innocuous at its core, but I still think infliction of misery through relationship sabotage is not necessarily a gendered phenomenon. That was my larger point (which I strayed from by cracking wise).
I’m not going to win this because I have no idea what the comment was, nor will I ever, nor do I want to. Your greater point was taken in the spirit that it was meant, but I just react against framing things in terms of women are *this* way as stated in your first sentence.
(I have Libra, I don’t think it’s fair. 
Thanks for the blog entry, very thought provoking in many ways.
Respectfully, Antapex
antapex - no problem. I am posting a story of two single women, neither of them cockblockers. I absolutely know there are single women who will help another single woman get a man! They loan you clothes.. run interference, cheer you and others things to numerous to list.
I am really busy today and not paying attention to my framing? I have said this many times now - I am not going to be able to cover every contingency or possible interpretation and if this is expected or required… then obviously I quit! Saturn in Virgo be damned there is a limit to what I can do here.
I think that this is very valid. However, I do think that we should still stand up and tell our friends when they need to leave an abusive relationship and to be very clear about that. There is huge huge difference between a friend that is going through bumps and adjustments in a relationship and one that is in a totally unhealthy situation.
Just want to make a distinction. (saturn virgo) 
i go out of my way to keep my mouth SHUT about friends relationships if i have any opinion that’s less than glowing. ask them what they think, what they want, etc. at most, i try to be understanding and listen while they work out their own feelings.
i have been accused of this once, but the guy in question had it ALL wrong, and his woman set him straight on the point.
i do sometimes talk to friends when i’m frustrated with my husband, but they are long term and understand it’s frustration, not an invitation to critisize. i particularly like to talk to a married friend of mine who gets that relationships have ebbs and flows and understands that i can be furious with the man and still love him like air.
I had the best friend you could ever have.
She passed away. Very supportive person.
I agree with poisoning of the well.
My mother could only control my dating when I lived with her after my divorce.
I don’t tell her anything that is going on and limit the man I am seeing from contact with her. I am still trying to getover Christmas. (lol)
Once a year is what I am shooting for. I always encourage him to visit family in other states at the Holidays and I stay back with her alone.
3 1/2 years I have been able to do this.
NOT HAVING HER AROUND HAS SAVED THIS RELATIONSHIP.
I wish I would have done this sooner. We live 125 miles away it has made this relationship last.
I don’t feel like I am ruining the man’s life for once.
Goddess - ebb and flow is the best description ever. I find that hearing stories of other people’s ebb and other’s flow gives me hope for resilience of my relationship over time. It’s not always perfect but it is often good.
That’s awesome advise. Kind of hard to find though. I hardly know anyone who’s happy with their partner or supports you because you are. Not that the people I know necessarily are trying to hurt relationships, they’d just rather sit around and complain.
I’ve never been one to share my personal (relationship) business with my friends. It isn’t so much really that I’d say the majority of my female friends have issues when it comes to relationships, but I’ve always felt like it’s sort of betraying to your partner to air your dirty laundry like that.
Interestingly enough, my friends usually come to me for advice. I know that there are always two sides to s atory, so I think that my advice usually works pretty well because I try to take into account the motivations of the other person involved. Also, if there are problems, I know that it takes two to tango, so I take that into account too. I’m not just going to side with one person.
The rare times that I do seek out relationship advice from a friend, it’s usually from a male friend, because well, another woman isn’t going to be able to tell me something about a man that I don’t already know. And my male friends have never been wrong!!! (I have some awesome male friends!!)
I have had this happen to me more times than I can count! Honestly I believe my girl friends are genuinely “looking out for me” and have my best interests at heart when they warn me against a man that I am dating or advise me against a relationship. And every time this happens, I go ahead and get involved with the man anyway… It’s the rebel in me I guess. (Moon and Mars in Aquarius) When someone tells me not to pursue something, I am more interested in doing it! lol. (
I have to admit, the only people who have stitched me up, big time, have been women. The women I knew had a strange sort of glaze come over their eyes whenever I discussed something of an intimate nature. Unfortunately, I thought it was an indication of boredom until I heard the story repeated by someone else, exaggerated beyond belief! And these were female relatives who were doing the dirty! I try to be a bit more careful these days, but trust comes easily to me. Moon/Neptune.
the problem, in my experience, is that more of the women i’ve met are negative about men than positive.
waaaay more of them. i got so i didn’t start talking about guys with a woman until i’d have quite a while to test the waters on her perspectives first…
A disturbing thing I’ve recently started to notice about my closest women friends is that even the ones who are apparently quite happy with their own men talk complacently about how basically simple and easily manipulated men are (as summed up in the title of Joan Rivers’ new book, “Men are stupid, and they like big boobs”). I haven’t called them on it yet, because I hate to make waves, but I’m going to have to tell them before long that I reject their reality and substitute my own.
Men are stupid they like boobs ? That is the title of Joan Rivers Book but my own father said that too me when I told him I was getting married at 18. He elaborated that having boobs was why I was able to get a husband and that I should make sure they don’t get droopy and exercise..
Perhaps its just a generational thing..I hope..
The more I read what I right I am really wondering how the hell my parents ever found each other. Two different continents between and an ocean but somehow these two nutballs ended up meeting. I should not be laughing at this stuff
but Its comical to me…He He He
From the outside looking into many of my friend’s relationships, it is easy for me to be perfectly rational about my observations. There are a couple I can think of right now that I think should just not tolerate things from their boyfriends, or that they themselves are the problem. But I have learned the fine art of giving my opinion and always ending it with, “Well, its easy for me to say since I’m not in a relationship”. I try to remember to be supportive of the friend by focusing on their good attributes and how they deserve the best. Relationships tend to run their course for as long as the two involved allow it to continue anyway. I do agree that there are many negative women out there who love to talk about how terrible their men have been. I don’t stay around them though.
So true all around. Thank you Elsa. I only wish more woman gave advice like this instead of the crappy stuff you can read in Cosmo.
It takes some effort to get down to the reality of relationships instead of the drama so many have come to expect (probably partly due to media, IMHO). Too many times something can be going just fine and others get involved thinking they know how things should be…this attitude doesn’t help or protect one gender from another - it most often hurts people.
Thank goodness for mature people like you Elsa who can recognize that first and foremost men and woman are (drum roll please) human beings!
If I’m having issues with my husband (of almost 10 years), I go to him with it, not my friends (male or female)… What can they do about it anyway? I totally agree with you Elsa- and in addition to them poisening the well, it seems when issues are discussed, repeated, discussed some more, they seem to grow waaay out of proportion.
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I agree with what you’re saying about hanging around positive ppl who are good at relationships, but what if your friend genuinly just doesn’t trust men, I mean- don’t you just need to discern which friend to go to instead of just assuming this person is bad for the relationship? I’m saying this because I’ve been that friend because I’m deeply cyncial about this stuff, and when men say/do certain things I am that friend who warns against trusting him. And yeah, I’ve never had a relationship but I’m intuitive and I’ve been treated badly enough times to know when ppl are crossing a line they will never respect again.
Okay, I guess all I’m saying is don’t judge your friend who is cynical- she might genuinly be trying to protect you. I’m that friend, but I don’t mean harm, and I can be very right about ppl. I certainy am not an a-hole who wants to poop on ppl’s dreams. I’m just protective and inexperienced in trusting someone I guess.