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People And Their Limitations: Real vs Ethereal And Other Shapes, Sizes And Personality Types
Astrology in real life
I wrote this post a few days ago as a follow up to “A Vivid Reminder People Are Fragile” and forgot to post it. Separate but related to that post, I had some other thoughts about the real vs the ethereal as far as people go.
I realized I’d had a similar conversation with the soldier’s son that I had with the soldier the other that. We write quite a bit (at times, in spurts) and enjoy it very much. But he’s got an edge and sometimes I come up against it in the wrong way at the wrong time and it hurts me.
The last time this happened I told him to be nice or I would be forced to disappear. This was my THREAT! “I will erase!!”
Now he’s not mean in reality. It’s quite otherwise, it’s just that I am sensitive and at times hyper-sensitive. And I can and do try to grow a thicker skin. I think this is apparent but I can only get so far with it and at some point the other person has to move to accomodate me if they want me in their life. I mean there is no choice here. I have a limitation - I am not a Marine!
And thinking about this today I recalled a woman I saw in the store the other day. “Can you get me one of those, please?” she asked pointing at these fluffy white jackets hanging on the top rack.
“Sure,” I said. She was short, see. And telling me I am going to have to NOT BE SENSITIVE would be like telling that gal to reach the coat. She can’t do it, okay? She cannot do it.
And don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that sensitive people have to be accommodated. Soldiers have to be accommodated as well because they have limitations too and they sound like this:
“P, I don’t have one idea what the hell you’re talking about. I just don’t know. You’re making no sense… no sense at all…”
And you know what? He’s not kidding.
There are times where he can’t understand my abstract and emotional communications any more than that woman could have reached that coat so the challenge is to accept this.
Would you beat Dora for walking into a door? Then why punish the soldier for not speaking a language he doesn’t speak or me for being reactive when these are our personality types or traits?
What I’m figuring out here is this: There is no sense asking someone to do something they just cannot do. And if you love them you should probably ought to get off their ass. She can’t reach the coat, see? So what kind of fool is going to stand there and demand she do it? But we all do this to our lovers all the time and personally, I am trying to quit.
On last thought, that woman CAN reach that coat, but not without extraordinary measures. She will have to get a stool. And the soldier could learn to speak “girl” I suppose but there are only so many hours in a day - time in a life and it seems to make much more sense, I hand the woman the coat and I leave the soldier be the soldier.
In turn, perhaps people will not berate me for crying at the drop of a hat.
What do you wish people would accept about you?
17 Responses to “People And Their Limitations: Real vs Ethereal And Other Shapes, Sizes And Personality Types”
Morning, Elsa.
Geez, what a wonderful way to start a day, new year. I related so easily to your story of the woman who needed help getting the fluffy white jacket. I’ve been there (the short one). What I wish people would accept about me is that I’m complex and sensitive. Having multiple chemical sensitivities is the universe’s way of telling me: “Girl, you are all this, and that, and not this, and you are going to learn to ‘ASK FOR HELP WITH THAT WHITE FLUFFY JACKET’!”
I on the other hand will need to practice asking and getting all sorts of answers because sometimes I don’t see that some folks are even shorter than me. It’s a great way of teaching limitations, Elsa. Thanks for that!
I wish people would accept that not only do I not want to be their version of me, I’m not going to be their version of me. I don’t need to be fixed or rescued! Get your own house in order people.
as a child I was raised in a way that disallowed me developing any boundaries, even as far as having an independent view of reality, so that the adults around me did not have to see me as a person. because of this I often lack the tools and experience to continually enforce my boundaries. I’m learning and I’m trying.
it’s unrealistic to expect abusers to respect my boundaries, but I ask that those around me support and respect my attempts to create and enforce them. I think it’s hard for people with healthy selves to understand my incomplete self.
I’m aware of how my saturn cancer is connected to my libra planets.. and that when i get hungry I hit a wall. My niceness ends and I need to eat. I get very short tempered. I’ve been working on this so that I get my needs met and then can get back in the game. But i’m having problems with my family as they don’t get it. They get defensive if i tell them i haven’t eaten enough which explains my discomfort etc. They aren’t like me and i’m getting tired of my sister blaming me for how i react when hungry around her - withdraw, not so accommodating etc. It’s like it’s seen as an excuse rather than a limit. My SO gets it and just deals or helps me deal or backs off so I can go deal with it. His saturn is in virgo so he does get it.
Geez don’t stand in the way of the buffet telling me to be nice or I don’t get to eat! I’m liable to mow you down!
Next xmas i won’t visit for so long or at all. Seriously they don’t eat well and it doesn’t affect them. They are a group of saturn in leo, aries and gemini.
Oh people! Oh people! This site is simply a sanctuary for me. Kashmiri and Tam said so clear and simple. I feel very identified.
I, too, share the trait of sensitivity, which is both a blessing and a curse, but which cannot & will not Ever go away. In many ways it is a huge blessing because I am sensitive enough to see and feel what is going on with others. But, if you don’t like or appreciate my sensitivity, I have the same approach as Elsa. I remove myself from your life.
I also relate to what satori said about boundaries also. I am not sure if what she/he means is what I mean, but as a child my boundaries were abused, and now that I am an adult, no one is going to abuse them, that is non-negotiable. I will shut down; I will disappear out of your life.
I attribute this to all the water energy in my chart. Pisces rising is just going to be sensitive. There is no other way around that. And a one degree conj. of Jup/Ura in Cancer is going to be sensitive, moody, changeable, and FAST acting.
wow lol- all of us commenters seem to be very watery/Neptunian. I wish people would realize that I’m emotional also. Well, certain people. But I have to accept that they’re insensitive. But what bothers me is when insensitive people, instead of just realizing they are insensitive (I don’t mean that negatively- I mean, the literal meaning), they refer to sensitive people as “crazy” or something. This world values heartlessness, and it can be so frustrating.
sonah22– I think what you’re referring to is “invalidation.” it’s a component in creating a state of “voicelessness” which is referenced in literature about children growing up in households with personality disordered caretakers. invalidating the feelings of others is manipulation and a component of emotional neglect and abuse.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I want to validate your experience of having your feelings ignored and silenced! your feelings matter! you don’t “have to” accept that they’re insensitive assholes; you don’t have to “accept” their treatment. you may *choose* to accept it but that doesn’t mean you have to like it or stick around for more! (((((((sonah22)))))))
I’m neptunian, and female– since that seems to be in question.
Thank you thank you thank you!!! I’m female and Neptunian also, and I feel like you’ve given me a new freedom. Call that crazy, but I wholeheartedly agree with you and no one’s ever said it in quite that way to me, and I feel like I can stand taller in a way that I haven’t in a long while. Thank Goddess for astrology- where would I be without it. And the great thing about all this Neptune in the chart is that hypersensitivity also leads to quick changes. One word and BAM you’re affected. And when those words are beautiful like yours, its just so…wow! I’m saving this paragraph to read again and again in the future- screw them! And I’m really glad you’ve developed your boundaries-its so difficult, and you’re an inspiration when you talk about it so openly. LOVE, sonah!
sonah22– xoxox, and you’re very welcome.
you might find this explanation helpful:
http://eqi.org/invalid.htm
satori…god that hits the nail on the head. thanks. i thought about this more today. i spent the weekend with my sibling, who is very abrupt and aggressive with her daughter. it is disturbing. the worst is that my sister whines about her terrible childhood. i’d have empathy but during my childhood she was busy beating me.
i feel like i am my niece. like i said, it’s disturbing. i’m trying to figure out with path to take, she isn’t doing anything overt, it is insidious and very much in vein with the fucked up moon/pluto thing our family has going (i am cap moon square libra pluto, my sister is aries moon opposed libra pluto, and my niece is saggie moon conjunct pluto. nice.
no wonder i can come home after a “family visit” go to a martini bar and drink 7 doubles and still be sober. that 12th house neptune was unveiled but pluto in sag and refuses to get drunk again.
Wow!! I can relate to all that shared. I too am short and I can’t stand asking for help, that is hard for me. Nine out of ten times I will grab a ladder, chair, maybe climb on a counter,lol, half killing myself to get something.
Growing up I too had my boundaries blurred. I was the smallest in my class and I was picked on and beat up in school, the neighborhood and at home. It is weird , I have tried to analyze it and I am still not sure. I was always a black sheep so I guess I would carry the shit for others. Now I can go to the extreme in defending myself and people who I think are being treated unfairly.
I am also sensitive and become easily overwhelmed and that is not always apparent to others as I have had many years keeping a “poker” face when needed.
I am a mom too and I am always trying to remain calm. My mother was often angry and explosive in my childhood. She wore the pants in my family and she still does,lol. I have my Pluto and Uranus conjunct my fourth house. When I use the equal house chart my mars is also there in Libra opposing my Aries saturn. I have my gemini sun in the 12th house and my neptune in scorp in my 6th house.
scatterbraineyness, at times
fluctuating energy levels
a disturbing lack of tuteleage in tact or in understanding certain sorts of social nuance
i make a really awkward girl 
My boundaries, without a doubt.
Satori I’m reading this invalidation thing and I’m in tears. Thank you.
Great post and comments people!
This is off topic and am replying to Liz about hunger issues.
My body goes into anxiety overdrive when hungry too. If left too long without eating my concentration is poor, easily confused, eye sight blurs, am emotional and shaky, where sometime I have to withdraw and lie down. I have a condition called hypoglaecemia, which is low blood-sugar. I have managed it ok for 15 years now. It can be managed by avoiding sugar completely and eating protein and carbs every 2-3 hours. It may be worth a look into Liz.
As far as naming the planets and aspects that cause this or explain the kind of emotional reaction that occurs…it could be that I have Saturn opposite Moon, both square Neptune.
Managing low blood-sugar can be an emotional roller coaster.
Grabbing a sandwich or an apple wherever and whenever you need to is ok.
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Being emotional. (telling me not to cry when I’ve already started is futile). Having two minds about things. (Doesn’t make me two-faced—I really DO see two sides along the way to finding my truth). Sometimes garbled communication. Intense need to routinely go off by myself and recalibrate I need to talk, but I value secrets, or more accurately, silent spaces - some lovers get scared by this and to tell you the truth, I’ve spent a lifetime thinking this is weird. Now I know it’s just my scorpio moon. I wish people would accept I’m a living, breathing gemini-libra, with lots of 8th house/Pluto thrown in. Very light, but anchored by dark.