This is the other voice of Mars… the Libran Ranger with his Moon, Venus, Mars and Uranus in Scorpio. The one who gave all his pants away to various girlfriends and lovers.

“Yeah, I have all these clothes from him,” I said. “Matter of fact I don’t know that he’s got anything left except that dress uniform from his son’s wedding he says he’ll never wear again.”

“He made me get that,” the soldier said. “I didn’t want to put that thing on then except he begged me to.”

“He wanted you in uniform?” the ranger asked.

“Hell yeah. I didn’t even have a dress uniform with all my shit on it. I had to buy all that stuff. I did give her everything I have pretty much,” he said. “She’s got all my shit.”

The ranger stared.

“You want to see some of the stuff I have?” I asked. “You’ll be jealous,” I said boasting and entertaining the company per my nature. I pulled a jacket from the closet and his eyes popped. I think it is a combination of the tabs… the jacket is a vintage situation. “This is mine,” I said snootily because the guy likes war and the idea of it almost as much as the soldier.

“Don’t you wear that,” he said. “You should never wear that,” he said.

“Why not? Whyyyyyyyyyyy not,” I asked though I’d never worn it.

“Because you’ll drive people like me insane. You fuck us all up.”

“Yeah? How?”

“Well someone like me’ll be driving along,” he said with his hands up as if he were holding a steering wheel like some old lady. “Yep, just driving along minding our own business and we we something like that jacket right there or we think we do,” he said, sitting up straight with his eyes all alert.

I laughed. “And?”

“And you think, was that a..? Did I just see this or that on that sleeve?” He shook his head as if to clear the cobwebs and amazement. “So of course we’ve got to find out. You just have to know so then we push on the gas,” he said putting his foot down as if on a pedal as I roared laughing. “Yeah, we push on the gas… we waste all kinds of fucking gas trying to catch up to you in your fuckin’ car so we can see if we saw was what we saw and we did! We did we what we saw but then we look at who is wearing it and son of a bitch, it’s a girl!”

I had my head in my hands I was laughing so hard.

“Yep, it’s a fuckin’ girl all right,” he said with a sneer. “And at that point I just want to find the guy. I just want to find the guy who gave the girl his clothes to wear and tell him, don’t do that. Don’t do that… would you stop doing that, you’re wasting my gas.”

I was laughing so hard I was slow to respond. The soldier was snorting pretty good himself. “But shorts are okay? Okay to give up your underwear?”

“Well yeah. You can’t see underwear when you’re driving a car so therefore no gas gets wasted.”

On that note, I got us all another round.