Open Question: How To Deal “Nicely” With A Mega-Scorpio Who Is Obsessed With You
Ask the collective
A reader asks:
“My question focuses on how to deal nicely with obsessive people. In the course of internet dating, a man who knows very very little about me has fixated on me obsessively. He seems like a really nice person who probably gets a lot of brutal rejection based on his M.O. I would be happy if there was a way I could be friends with him, he seems very smart and very very lonesome. Is there a kind method to use in dealing with someone who is obsessive/obsessed with the idea of you?”
Personally, I can’t answer this without a chart or other specifics but I am thinking others out there might have some general advice or guidelines so if you do please advise because it’s a really good question.
How can you deal nicely with someone obsessed with you?
47 Responses to “Open Question: How To Deal “Nicely” With A Mega-Scorpio Who Is Obsessed With You”
Shell - LOL!
I have something similar happening to me right now…there is someone who is obsessed with me and it’s tiring. I have decided not to return any phone calls or text messages this week. I don’t know how many more times I can say “Please don’t call me everyday or text me 10 times a day - I have a boyfriend and I have work to do”.
I would like to keep this person in my life somehow, but at the moment I need to get the message through that this “chemistry” that he is feeling is not a mutual thing.
I’ve had a couple of these in the past, and the best way is to be calm and absolutely firm. Don’t ridicule the guy, just let him know in no uncertain terms that you aren’t interested. Repeat as many times as neccessary. The people I dealt with weren’t scorpios, but even scorpios have to eventually get the message, right?
(I have pluto/venus in 12th-maybe this has to do with stalking?)
Are you a Libra? This guy is obsessive w/ you and you are only concerned with being nice?? LOL. Good for you for being a kind human being.
Unfortunately I don’t think subtlety will work here on this guy. Often people who get too attached too quickly with little info have some sort of personality deficiency that will dismantle your relationship later. One of the first sign is ‘too much attachment too soon’.
Some people fall in love with the idea of love and will do anything to get that ‘in love feeling’. They can not be alone and they are unrelenting in their pursuit of their object.
They usually have no friends and attach to you very quickly. They are very good with the on line relationship thing b/c it allows them to portray the image they want as opposed to who they really are.
It has little to do with Scorpio and more that You are seeing a red flag and your instincts are trying to protect you.
I’d block him. You will never be able to convince him to moderate his behaviour because it is not within his power to do so.
Good Luck. I wish someone would have said this to me a year ago.
that sounds dangerous…but you seem calm about it. why aren’t you worried? it’s hard to tell just what kind of obsessiveness we’re talking about from the post.
Oh no no no, don’t be nice to this guy.
I know it’s tempting, but some people, ESPECIALLY ones who are desperately lonely, and have no social skills, tend to ah…be prone to (a) not taking NO for an answer, no matter how polite you are, and (b) stalking.
Friendship is out of the question too. You can’t be friends with a stalker.
What Ms. Scarlett said. Avoid this guy like the plague. He won’t go away without a lot of ignoring.
No its impossible. If you feel sorry for them and try to be friends then they think that is a signal you like them. The best thing to do is ignore them, and always talk about your current relationship. (even if you don’t have a current relationship) I have been back at my condo for the week and 2 so called men friends have been emailing, stopping by because they just happened to be in the neighborhood. My boyfriend is driving the 125 mile trek to this weekend..
They will see his car and leave me alone.
I was just emailed, do you want to go to a concert ? This guy is one of my neighbors…
He thinks he is Magnum PI..LOL..I tried the angry approach and then a had 2 neighbors scold me for being mean to him so I tolerate him AND CONTINUALLY TALK ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP..
In his diluted mind, I do not want to date him because I am seeing someone else.
When I was single. I said things like
I am not physically attracted to you…
I do not have any kind of feelings for you
We do not have anything in common
I just don’t see you as a love interest
I am not interested in you…
So I wish you good luck…LOL
I completely agree with beth. I think You could’nt be friend without feed his obsession. I would be extremely cautious with a ’scorpio stellium’, because they can be as a clock day after day month after monts years after years with cards, calls and so on. I have a very appreciated friend (strongly scorpio) that has that implacable constancy. He doesn’t forget. Your scorpio
will not forget, If you think he will pass of you, you are fried.
On the other hand…. I never never ever…might think that I know the motivations of a scorpio stellium… (i.e: he is obsessed with you) When trying to understand them I see the scorpio nature as a dark mass, you don’t see it, you see only effects. I don’t trust a single word or ‘misce in scene’ (show) of scorpio, still the best of them, can manipulate you before you can remotely guess. May be his motivations are strictly sexual then they let you suppose they are wounded souls. Take care
Wait…men DO that?!
Amputate. They know that language very well.
And if you don’t know the guy very well, how do you know you want to commit to be his friend? Are you attracted to the strays of this world? Maybe you could look at why an ill-behaving complete stranger should be commanding your loyalty so. What’s the payoff for you to keep him in your life?
People show you who they are very early in the relationship. To continue with this guy would be akin to befriending a child molester and wishing he could just hang out with you and your kid without being so, you know, child-molestery. Because he’s so smart and so lonesome, you know? Just a thought.
No one is ever obsessed with me. If they are they no better to tell me because nothing pisses me off than people who do not respect boundaries. Nothing.
A friend of mine had an obsessed human tick once. We were hanging out and he showed up, pissed drunk with an axe that he swung around maniacally while he shouted…ugh. That was so annoying. Not even scary, just simply annoying with the high-drama manipulation tactics.
Oh, boy. Forget about being friends. You will have to say something effective but not inflammatory. Tell him he reminds you of your brother so much it’s really amazing, and you find it unsettling. Find stuff in his profile and profess to be the exact opposite or have completely incompatible views. Admit your photo is you 30 lbs. lighter and a few years younger.
And if you resist finding a way to get rid of him–consider the possibilty that you just might like the attention. The fact that you want to be friends is odd, so I wonder if you are flattered by this. If that’s the case, your attempts to rebuff him will be ineffective.
I’m pretty sure you can figure out what would get rid of him, if you really wanted to.
hi everyone, thank you for your thoughts. It is me that has Mr scorpio stellenium on the midheaven writing to me nonstop. I do like him, he is good writer and an interesting person. He is also having a lot of feelings..etc.. about me (someone he knows nothing about.) He didn’t have a profile ad. He just read mine and wrote to me anyway. He sent me a pic. and his birth time.I am good at reading faces, and I really don’t think he is dangerous.
I don’t want to get rid of him unless I have to; that is my point. I wish there was a way to enjoy what is cool about him, because if he wasn’t off in obsession land, I would like him just fine, and definately be friends with him, and someone else would too.
Now this is probably like saying if he wasn’t left handed. But then again we talk about different ways to use our energy, and I feel like here is someone who if he had a new M.O. could have a girlfriend easily.
It is a fasinating to watch someone create their own reality out of thin air, but it is also just plain bizare.
Some astrology:
He has sun conjunct neptune and conjunct mars in scorpio, scorpio midheaven, and mercury in scorpio. He also has a 12th house saturn… thoughts anyone?
Sure, I do think I could, and if I have to, I can frighten him off easily: I have some family with whom you do not mess. I am not worried about that.
I’m thinking about the astrology, and the person. Does anyone here get obsessed with people they don’t know? Can you get a handle on it? Thoughts…
How do you know his birth data is accurate?
In my understanding obsession is not a Neptune or a Saturn thing, unless someone doesn’t want to face the truth. So, you may look for Pluto and its aspects to see were the compulsion or the addiction is covering what the person doesn’t want to accept, normally because it would hurt. And yes, there is a way to handle it, you just need to be aware that his obsession is actually not about you - if you can handle that.
I’m thinking about the astrology and the person. Does anyone here get obsessed with people they don’t know? Can you get a handle on it?
Omie- I could write a book about this but I won’t write it here.
I understand how this might be a pull for you b/c there is something in my chart where I gravitate to STRANGE. Different, twisty, dark always fascinated me and I’ve paid a big price for that.
You say: He is also having a lot of feelings..etc.. about me (someone he knows nothing about.)
What you are probably experiencing is someone who is projecting all of their feelings onto you rather than actually experiencing YOU.
And this is idolization/obsession is compelling to you.
He’s showing you what you want to see so he can get the love he wants.
It’s fun to be on the pedestal but you already know there is something that is not quite right about this type of adoration at this point of the relationship. That’s why you are asking the question.
You say:
It is a fasinating to watch someone create their own reality out of thin air, but it is also just plain bizare.
Are you talking about him or you? B/c that’s what you are doing too. You are projecting your own reality out of thin air when you say:
because if he wasn’t off in obsession land, I would like him just fine, and definately be friends with him, and someone else would too.
Hello - you don’t know him. Just what you’d like him to be. And he IS obsessed with you b/c he doesn’t exist. He only exists when mirrored by you. He didn’t even have a profile remember?
With regard to the astrology: Elsa told me INSANITY TRUMPS ASTROLOGY.
In the unfortunate case you have to play this out and can’t bear to shut it down NOW like everyone told you to do I suggest you keep it on line, and don’t try to move into his parallel universe.
Good Luck
How about trying to figure out how we might feed the obsession?
omie - have you met this man in person? Or have all your conversations been online/on the phone? It’s easier to project (and be projected upon) via the internet… I was just wondering. If you met in physical reality maybe something will give?
busted, that’s interesting. i think it could be spurred by behaviour that is ambivalent (perfect if the man is a venus/neptune type: fodder for the self-propelled fantasy).
however that same ambivalent behaviour could be quite pointed, no?
If you need this kind of fake adoration that badly you should probably go ahead and see if you can use up this man’s energy as efficiently as possible to bolster your low self-esteem. Make sure you send him hundreds of pictures of yourself. Try to get him to comment with feeling on each and every one. But that won’t mean you’re as desperate as he is, because he wants *you*, right?
I think you have an excellent chance of sucking out and savoring the “cool” parts of the guy all on your own. Just watch that karma. No one can tell you how to efficiently vampirize another human being without consequence. Just doesn’t work that way.
Omie,
I’d be very careful with drawing assumptions about someone you’ve barely “met” — no matter how good a person is at reading faces, you’re talking about a picture here, which is an entirely different story. You can’t get nonverbal cues from a picture. Hell, it might not even be a recent picture, or a picture of him at all. Same with birth data. He could be a really nice guy with extra time on his hands, but he could also be a sociopath playing games with you.
Bottom line — there isn’t a way to just enjoy what you like about him and make the rest disappear. So it’s up to you to decide if you want to deal with the obsessiveness and weirdness that prompted you to write (if he was all that cool and nothing wrong, then you wouldn’t really need advice on how to handle him, would you?) or if you want to ignore it and continue on as you are.
Good luck.
wow, people have a lot to say. And it is all interesting. No I don’t need any fake adoration. I have other dates, thanks.
I’m just thinking about how people work. It is interesting to me.
I KNOW he is projecting who he wants me to be. I completely understand that he doesn’t see me.(unless somehow he really is not obsessed. laughing)
I am not projecting back.. not much I don’t think. I do psychic readings from photos for people, and I’m pretty good.
the point is I would like him IF he wasn’t projecting. And that is part of what is interesting. He could date me IF he could see who I am, but with neptune mashed up on his sun,and his behavior, does he tend to see who anyone is… maybe not.
I just care about people in general. I live in a small rural place, and if I ask around I’m sure I’ll find out I know plenty of people who know him. He has told me so very much, I know where his daughter goes to school and all that jazz. It is not like when I lived in NYC or whatev.
So yeah, I care about my interactions with others, and yeah if I have to I will certainly protect myself.
thanks everyone.
also, eva that seemed mean spirited. I don’t do anything like that. I am not sending him anything. I am just reading what he sends, and feeling for someone smart funny and lost.
And I am really as far from an energy vampire as anyone you will ever meet.
One more thought. I am really urainian, I stand out, and I have mars and merc. in leo, and even on my profile ad, I make a big splash.I sparkle, and that is just me.
He is not the first person I have had become fixated on me. I don’t get off on these type deals, and I don’t feed them. But I’m sure it will keep happening from time to time. I give off a lot of light, and people who can’t find theirs often want some. As a virgo moon, I do like to help people heal when I can, although I haven’t been healing my stalkers(laughing)
But I do like to help every person I can.
He is the only time that I thought, ‘you are not completely crazy, you can just see crazy from where you are.’
‘Which made it less ’stay away from me you freakin psycho’
and more’what can people do when they are like this?’
anyway.
Be careful! there is no way to deal nicely with someone who is obsessed with you. It will only get worse, even if it seems to get better, then it will get worse again. I know it is difficult for the nice person, but it can’t be helped, there is no nice way, and you are lucky if you can find any kinda way.
PS Check back in a couple of years when there is no intrigue left and only stalking and frustration, then you might really get what I am saying.
Loonsounds I have had someone else stalk me for many years, and yeah there was no intrigue at all.
Y’all are probably right, maybe there just is nothing to be done.
There’s stuff to be done, but ‘nice’ won’t be part of it.
‘you are not you aren’t completely crazy, you can just see crazy from where you are.’
uh uh. Well then I won’t worry about you then when I go to my meditation because I believe you see him clearly and want to proceed despite I think its yourself that you don’t see clearly and what could happen to you.
what can people do when they are like this?’
anyway?
No tellin what they can do. Thats what all these comments say. And we hope you won’t underestimate your influence on the process willingly or UNWILLINGLY.
Would it surprise you to know that one of us met someone on line and he invented an entire personnae?
Shoot, how would you feel if he looked normal and worked at the local car dealership but in his home he had a shrine built around your flip flops and never moved them and vacuumed around them?
Would that be enough to creep you out.
I’m sorry i am out of time here. I’d write more.
Please tell me how you think he can be a friend to you and how you see this interaction continuing. We are all just trying to help in our own way here - no sarcasm.
Examples:
Interacting for a while with a woman who was not.
Interacting for a while with someone who I thought to be a stranger who was actually an X turned stalker.
I could go on and on and on
Sorry, I was unclear, I meant what can people do, who obsess to help themselves, not what are they capable of doing to me.
Ms. Scarlett, thank you for your thoughts. in regard to:
Please tell me how you think he can be a friend to you and how you see this interaction continuing.
There probably is no way, but I was curious to see if anyone knew something less harsh for me to do.
If I had already known how he could be a friend, I wouldn’t have asked the question.
I am not proceeding with anything.
As I said, I’m not sending him anything.
thanks again.
That’s sweet omie, after a while you will learn they have no desire to help themselves because they have positively no clue in the world as to how deeply fucked up they are. And the more I have tried to “help” a couple of them to “help themselves” the more fucked up I have become in the process. Do you have Neptune in an angle like the 7th house? I do, and I have heard that placement means you try to help or fix or save or heal the other which is fine, except when they don’t want to be helped (which is 99.99 percent of the time).
This ex of mine–a drunk and druggie (Scorpio, too, one of the lower kinds), almost broke into my parents’ beach house, and then phone-stalked me. But, I was away at college, and my dad took those calls.
I was very firm when I ended it with him. I said I didn’t ever want to see or hear from him again, despite him begging that he was a “good guy”. He wouldn’t stop, so I hung up. The phone stalking started a day or two later. It took a while for him to give up, but I finally got rid of him. (I never spoke to him–he always got my dad.) Thank God. I’d never want anyone else to experience that.
Yay for your dad Lis! I’ll never forget the sight of seeing my grandmother go after one of them with a broom, and hollering:
“shoo .. you old no good .. shoo”!
(she was from South Carolina).
i would say very strongly that the kindest thing you can do is not reinforce obsessive types of behavior that indicate feelings you do not reciprocate. What’s being “nice” to you can be “proof” to someone with distorted thinking that you do, indeed, share his perspective. every single contact, regardless of the nature or content of conversation, is going to grow the situation.
i would also grab a copy of “The Gift of Fear” and read it ASAP. It has outstanding advice about dealing with unwanted attention successfully. i insisted my daughters read it, and think it should be required reading for any woman of relationship age for sure.
I do have neptoooon in the 7th yup.
thanks again everyone.
I cannot tell you what to do. I can, however, ask you what you are getting out of this relationship? Is it worth your time? energy? Is it where you want to focus?
You sound quite conflicted - you want but only if it were different. I’d take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you’re wanting and if you want it that bad that you’ll ignore your own red flags. It’s up to you to choose how much danger/protection you choose when you see a red flag.
Having lived in a small town I would be very nervous continuing something where you would be easily identifiable within the social fabric of the area, especially with a red flag. It’s not as easy to move/disappear if something goes really wrong than it is in the big city.
And yes, he maybe is like this and it is his pattern to live out. Why do you want to heal it? Mind you, you’re the one who brings up healing and that virgo moon - ufff da that says it all right there.
Good luck!
Omie, what I don’t understand is how he is obssesed with you and he is not already dated with you? Scorpions have the quality of being really intense, and may be your virgo moon likes it. That doesn’t mean he pay you more attention that another women.
Still having a prominent and angular 10th house mars and mercury scorpio. I have a almost mercury scorpio (libra 29 ° 25′) and I can not say to you how I can obsess with a personality to discover his/her secrets, just for curiosity, sometimes just for fun. Mars scorpio can be dangerious, revengefull until a grade you cannot conveive . My south node is scorpio: I know them I have best friends scorpions I have grown up with them and believe me you don’t play con scorpions (at least you are one of them) There is not balance there is not “a little of this a little of that” with them. The scorpions I know doesn’t love the other sex, They smash with the other sex, they fuses, and the mars scorpio I know just f**k (excuse the hard word there is not another one) If you like that if you like hard sexual toys, if you don’t care of being part of a cllection of sexual pictures. If you doesn’t care the revengefull scorpionic disruption in your social and very leo life…go ahead. I don’t care, I have a greta dose of sadge and amoral geminii I can tolerate that ( I enjoy it sometimes) However I could think twice if I were you
hi,
No, I really am NOT doing anything with this person at all except typing right here in Elsaland listening to you all.
Thank you everyone for so much input.
Sorry Omie. You can’t believe how many feelings this has brought up for me. Truly sad ones. Just try to think about why he might not ‘t have a profile, okay? It’s not because he doesn’t write beautifully.
Good luck and take care of YOURSELF
MS
Omie, LOL, neptoooon in the 7th huh? ……. I thought I felt a little bit of that same energy I have gone through on this matter…I hope you are quie young because I wish someone had told me about this Neptoooon in the 7th phenomenon sooner, probably not that I would have even been able to stop myself from trying to save them all, failing miserably, and then acquiring a long line of international stalkers.
Crazy-moon…(if I read you right, you are wondering…)
it is not necessary we ever dated the person to end up with a stalker. Maybe a certain kind of nice smile at just the right (wrong) moment, or just a friendly, non-judgmental shoulder offered at the most perfect (disasterous) moment
I am convinced that certain kind of charts are stalker bait in and of themselves … even if there wasn’t a self-willed person attached…
Some last thoughts on this for me. Everyone’s words really helped me to think this through and I am grateful.
Ms. Scarlett, thank you. I’m sorry it brings up sad feelings.
Loonsounds, I’m not quite young I’m thirtysomething. better late than never.
I think most of what I am supposed to learn on this one relates to giving more than I get in relationships.
I’m not a stalker type at all.It is just that when I’m in a relationship, I do a lot of giving, virgo moon: I serve. So here was an example of someone staying up all night long to write to me, while I was sleeping, while I wasn’t even writing back. Sending me poems I didn’t answer… good poems, and I’m a writer! Of poetry!
And it was like a big mirror for me to look at equality in my relationships, and I think this sudden focus is due to PLUTO IN CAPRICORN, which gives me PLUTO OPPOSITION SUN
Let the 15 years begin. egads.
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