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Elaborating On My Non-Dying Status And Your Feelings About Dying
Ask the collective
Yes, this is a best case scenario but I’ll tell you, to have someone look at you as if you are dying is an out and out ordeal. And it was not as if he could stop himself… he has truly been disturbed and sad to his core. Just S-A-D.
And I kept saying, I feel good and have no other symptoms. Just gained 10 pounds and have cancer? How likely is that? Plus they test me for crap allllllll the time. If I were a hypochondriac, I’d be in heaven. They check my blood all the time and do you know it is perfect. I have high… not a thing. I am freakishly healthy but that Neptune, maan. And when people think you are sick (very sick) you have to at least entertain the idea you may be dying, which of course I don’t care.
I really don’t care if I die but I may care very much if I have to look at a sad soldier every day. Cripes, man, I have never seen anything like it in my life.
You know how they don’t tell a person that is dying, that they are dying? In this case they should tell me (so what?) and lie to him!!
I guess no one believes this about me but it’s true. I would die of cancer so easily. I’d do it just like Henry did, I suppose. “I’d sure like a glass of lemonade.” Except in my case, it would be a margarita. I thought about this deeply over these last days and my biggest question was this:
“How am I going to cope with these people (THE SOLDIER) who can’t cope?”
I am telling you, this has been a lesson for me. He always says he is dying first, we almost take this as a given which seems unfair to me. Why should I be stuck? But after what I have gone through with him this last week, I think he damned well better die first because if I am dying and he’s around we are going to fight right into grave. Because there is just a conflict is all.
I would be just living as I die and he would want to surround me with flowers and pray over me or something, can you imagine? I’d go insane. And I would not want to be hurting his feelings or anything, but cripes could you leave me alone for a minute and stop with the grave look on your face?
::shakes head::
It would be a disaster. I don’t think I am going to complain when he says he is dying first, ever again. He just can’t deal with the other and either can I. I am telling you, this week has been one for the record books between us.
My feelings about my own death are this: I am mildly curious to see how I die and that’s it. I literlly could not come up with more than that to save my life and you?
How do you feel about dying?Â
13 Responses to “Elaborating On My Non-Dying Status And Your Feelings About Dying”
I have a goal of NOT fearing death. I figure when I can figure that out, I’ll finally truly be living. But I also kind of worry about then, what else would there be left for me to do?
I think that kind of makes sense for N. Node in Scorpio!:) So D. I hope to get where you are.
For the most part I feel okay with it. In July I was on holiday and became so certain I was going to drown on this boat trip I was going to take it was insane.
I thought about how I almost drowned 3 times as a child and thought, okay this is it for sure.
I went out on the boat anyway and started crying it was so much fun and beautiful. Then we sailed past a place of my childhood and I thought for sure my dad was going to die. It felt like I grieved any loss I’ve ever had on that 15 minute boat trip.
Once I came home from the trip I found out almost immediately that my dear friend had died accidentally~ in the shower.
It gave me a lot to think about.
After all that I’ve come back to where I was when Pluto started its transit of my 12th: I’m not scared to die. I will accept what life gives me. Pluto in the 12th has been such a trip, I wish I could tell you. I’ve died a million times in the last 12 years anyway, if only I could describe it.
Glad you’re not dying Elsa 
Death seems pretty peaceful to me, a chance to finally go home. I wouldn’t feel sad about my own dying, but I’m pretty sure I’d feel a bit guilty for those who would miss me. Doesn’t matter to me how I die, just as long as there’s no suffering. And I’d like my affairs in order, finish up any unfinished business. I don’t want to be back yet again.
Speaking of death, Pluto’s coming around again and hitting my family pretty hard. Just got news that my uncle died this morning. It was completely unexpected (for us) but seems like he had an inkling or something. He took my mom to the airport last night, gave her a final hug and goodbye, got a photo of me and put it in his pocket, asked for forgiveness before he went home. He died in his sleep. My mom got home this morning and was informed. She has a Scorpio moon conjunct Neptune, and as usual she *knew* before she actually knew, that it might be the last time. Had my hair standing on end, that’s for sure. More and more, I realize that the universe is a deeply mysterious place. I am in awe.
Althera: my south node is in the 8th house… :p
I’ve always thought that death was recess and life was school, so why fear the break? I think leaving, dying, is finally resting: living is the real work.
I hope you conquer your fear 
Thank you Kashmiri!
Ha ha! That’s a fun picture both of you figthing in the grave. My death? oh Please! I wan’t to think in that thing!!!! Never
I think it’s kind of awesome you’re getting a chance to test this theory out beforehand. But I’m also really glad you’re not dying.
((anabanana))
During the last months of my mother’s life, she had the most incredible hospice nurse on the planet. Mom was fearful to the point of hysteria about it at times, and what Meem said in response to Mom telling her she was afraid to die was this:
“Pat, don’t you think a baby in the birth canal is afraid? They don’t know what waits for them at the end of the trip through. What we call death is simply a birth of a different kind, into a different world.”
That not only helped Mom, but it changed everything I ever thought about death and dying. Which, ironically, what exactly what Mom taught me about it.
I also read Kubler-Ross during those last months, hoping to find a way to help her on her journey. That, combined with the wisdom of that one hospice nurse, changed it all for me. When she finally did let go of the body, I had people telling me how sorry they were. Their eyes were bugging out when I told them not to be sorry - she was free and whole and dancing with the angels. I still believe that is true.
A couple of years ago I was given the opportunity to travel to Iraq and visit the US military hospital at Balad. This was during one of the worst spikes of violence there, so I had a lot to think about. My heart was beating fast, my stomach was churning. And here’s the exact mental process I went through while I lay in bed one night trying to decide what to do. Question: are you afraid? Me: Yes. Of what? getting killed. But then I realized I had soaked up everybody else’s fear for me. My fear wasn’t as great as theirs. So I scrapped that. Then I thought about the possibility the plane would crash on the way there. Had to scrap that, because I’ve faced the fear of flying many times over. What I was really feeling was the fear of the unknown: and I work through that every day without being conscious of it: i.e., my car could crash on this bridge, that icycle could fall and hit me in the head, that maniac could come after me in this dark alley, that mole on my skin could be cancer. Then it occured to me, my desire to bear witness to something greater than myself completely outweighed my fear of dying and the unknown. And that realization was something, let me tell you. My last question to self was: what must it be like for a young soldier on a roadside mission, or a 10 year old girl living in the worst slums of Baghdad? And I knew I had to go. Anyway… fear of dying is real stuff…but it’s so helpful to be honest about it, and I wish we were all freer to talk about it with each other. It’s HARD to do.
Just the past two days I’ve been thinking a lot more about death. Never used to be like this, but all of a sudden everything is “OMG, I’m gonna die.” Not sure why, suddenly.
Yesterday, I woke up with a baseball-sized *something* at the back of my neck. Fun. I went to the massage therapist, barely able to move and she said it was “metabolic waste” that had gotten trapped. Super. (I’d been fasting). I took care of myself last night, yet as I got into bed, still in serious pain, I actually prayed, thinking I might die in my sleep - all kinds of scenarios.
I’m still here.
But I’ve never been like this. Suddenly, life is feeling fragile to me. Or suddenly I’m a bit more fragile.
I hope I get over this soon.
Cripes, doubblecappy, that’s horrible! Sending good vibes your way, pronto.
Me, personally, I’m not afraid of dying. As Cake sings it, “As soon as you’re born / you start dying / so you might as well / have a good time / Aw, yeah.”
Like maureen said, on any given day there’s 82 bajillion things that could happen and I could die. If I stood around worrying about that, I wouldn’t be able to do jack else; so I suppose I’ll just have to live as best as I can every minute and make each one count. 
It’s coming eventually, one can’t avoid it, so why worry or be afraid?
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I always wonder about death, the “other side”. My feelings are: people who fear dying are cowards. We are here, alive, to just not live, but also to learn how to die, to accept death in a courageous way. If one has lived 90 years and is Still afraid of death to me that person is a coward. You had almost a century to prepare and choose not to. This is my view anyway :p I now I shouldn’t be so hard on others because I have my own fears (not this one) and I realize fears are difficult to conquer. When I try to speak about death to others - just discussing it - they never want to and prefer to pretend that death doesn’t exist. That’s just dum, I think.