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Voice Of Mars - Rhino In The City (Gym)
Catch up here -> Rhino In The City
Most of the soldier’s encounters take place in the gym which is pretty much the only place he goes. He has never been to a city gym and it’s a bit of a shock to him. His first complaints centered around the pool (his mud hole, what else?)…
If you are standing (not swimming) in the pool… if you a “be-deedlin’” as he says… if you are “dick-dancing around” and “not doing a damned thing”, then chances are he is going to at least think about mowing you down. (non PC swearing below the break)
“P, what are they doing? Why do they sit there, stand there in the lane and chit chat? This ain’t social hour! If you want to socialize, then socialize but get the fuck out of the pool to do it. People are tryin’ to swim here. You know, swim? I am here to swim and I swear to God, P, eventually if they don’t move their ass I am going to run into them like a torpedo. I am going to get right in that pool and swim right at them, aim right at them going full speed. Full speed, P! Me! I’ll hit them with this body of mine and knock their asses right out of the pool. There! There you time-wasting be-deedlers! How did you like that? Now get out and stay out, do your bedeedlin’, time wastin’.. get in some other bastard’s way and stay out of mine!”
Now he has yet to say anything to anyone but he’s thinking about it. He’s just waiting for the day there is not an open lane and if you are 19 years old, a girl on a bathing suit, posing with your hair not wet, same thing.
“Get the fuck out! If you want to socialize and be seen, go to a BBQ why don’t you? Motherfuckers are trying to exercise here you moron! Go do that shit in the hot tub. Go pose in the hot tub you… you girl! This is no place to stand. If you’re not going to get your hair wet, then out of the pool! A man’s gotta swim. I want to swim, not look at you posing with your hair all neat. Jesus, P, what’s wrong with these people? Coloradans are something else. I just don’t what to do. Has not one motherfucker been in the Army around here?”
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18 Responses to “Voice Of Mars - Rhino In The City (Gym)”
::laughs::
Oh believe me, he is happy as a clam. He says if a soldier who is bitching is a happy soldier… “soldiers love to bitch!”
“About what?”
“Anything and everything. Anything, P. Put something in front of a soldier and the first thing he’s going to do is bitch about it…”
he does all this bitching with a look of glee on his face. I guess it doesn’t come across… that’s too bad. 
Yeah, we’ll I guess you gotta claim power wherever you can get it. It makes sense to me. Soldiers, it seems, don’t get to control much. But no one can take away their right to bitch.
No, Elsa. I can see that smile. Don’t worry. 
I love this. 
“If you want to socialize and be seen, go to a BBQ why don’t you?”
A BBQ?! Hilarious.
Well, they stand in the lane and pose when he wants to swim in the lane. What kills him is their dry hair.
“Dry haired people are supposed to be at BBQ’s not standing in the middle of pools in the lanes people are trying to swim in.”
s -
“A soldier will bitch about pussy if you put it in front of him. He’ll take the pussy but he’s still going to bitch. What about tomorrow? Where is he supposed to get some pussy tomorrow? Or maybe he has to pay for the pussy… trust me, P. The pussy is right there and the soldier will still find something to complain about, it’s just the way it is.”
LMAO! Dear god–to the point of tears!
i’m sure they are hilarious. my daughter has mars in virgo conj merc. and her rants are similar - and a total hoot.
Why anyone in the world would want to stand around in this stagnant looking swimming pool excapes me totally. the only thing that it makes sense to do in a place like this is to do the workout, and, like the soldier, I would have been pissed off too.
Funny how much I relate to him and the things he says, I feel my Taurus energy when I hear stories about him. It is about the only time I feel it.
Elsa I am amazed at your fortitude with that man. amazing!
mb - oh hell, he’s no problem at all. He’s funny as hell, you just have to get used to him. All he’s doing is saying things other people think but don’t dare say. I think he’s refreshing and yeah. I am entertained. I laugh so hard at this shit… his audacity, at times I think my head is going to explode. Really… this is all I want in a man. He is everything I want… by God, I don’t want to be bored and I can count on him to always be planting a bomb somewhere.
I am just getting started with this thread you know…
You two are just so damned honest about everything I totally admire that.
mb - thanks. 
You have to remember I grew with Henry who stood on his head in the produce departments of grocery stores as a matter of routine. I am really not interested in anyone normal what I care about is integrity and the soldier has that in spades.
he is very rare in almost every way, definitely not suited to civilization all that much or to any other woman but me (also appealing).
But seriously, just hear him say the word, “ba-deedalin’” is enough to send me into hysterics and really, nothing is more value to Capricorn than a belly laugh. And I am telling you, as rude as he is and he is RUDE, people adore him.
They flock around him just like they stare at rhinos in nature and if you watch how these rhinos are, they don’t like it. They don’t like people at all so that I get near one and it talks to me (incessantly) well, this is a privilege in my mind.
He’s got good stories, a good heart, he is loyal as hell, doesn’t take any crap / he stands up to me, loves me deeply and cracks me up 10 times a day. The problem is not putting up with HIM, the problem would be putting up with anyone BUT him.
“Go pose in the hot tub you… you girl!”
*blinkblink* BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahaha . . . Oh, cheeze, that man is wonderful. I love that this is the best/worst thing he could say about that type of filly.
Having a Southern military dad, I totally “see” the glee in every Soldier rant story. At least once every road trip there would be a *ahem* “god-damned, non-driving, flat-lander son-of-a-bitch who needs to take both thumbs outta his ass and DRIVE, motherfucker!” said at full volume and vitriol with the widest, most beatific grin in the universe.
Oh, yeah. I get it.
Haha this is too funny.
“If you want to socialize, then socialize but get the fuck out of the pool to do it. People are tryin’ to swim here. You know, swim? “
i love this bithcing humour
K, I haven’t read anything yet (I will in a moment) but my first thought was, “oh no, another pool”, second thought was, “at least there’s not a bed in the middle of it!!” :o)
Oh frig that soldier is funny - and yes, I can totally see him smiling when he is bitching. Don’t know why, but it comes across!
He’s not short on opinions, is he….
:::still laughing:::
Hee Hee Hee . . . still laughing . . . I had a grampa like that, he would grumble and piss and moan about everything, and then he’d look at you out of the corner of his eyes to see if you were listening, and then he would wink and let a ghost of a smile linger a moment, then launch into another tirade. I loved getting him started just to hear what would come out of his mouth.
And I’m with the soldier - people who stand around talking about nothing so that they can be seen, or worse are just oblivious that they’re in the way - like those knots of idiots who stand in everybody’s way in an airport concourse and you are late for a flight and the whole flow of people have to maneuver around them and their luggage because they’re standing in the middle of the road yakking.
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Civvie life must be hard for that man. (sigh.)