Yesterday I called my son’s school about the situation with my daughter though we planned to go down there in person.  We changed our mind because I was able to get on the school’s website and see that pretty much the entire staff had turned over from 2 years ago.  The school is that small and based on this it seems smarter to call the secretary who I have known for 8 years and have her filter the information to the people who ought to have it.

I planned to do this call just right for everyone’s sake so I had myself centered before I even picked up the phone. Unfortunately when I did call, the phone rang and was answered but when the person on the other end picked up I could not hear them.  You

I called several more times over the next hour or so aware to some degree I ought stop calling because I’d lost my focus but I wanted to get this thing done to so, brinnnnnnnnnng!

Eventually the secretary picked up and I could hear her.  “This is Elsa Panizzon,” I said.  “Do you know who you are talking too?”

“Oh sure!” she said brightly. “You are Mosta and Vidroid’s mom.  How are you doing, Elsa?  How can I help you?”

I told her I was doing pretty well and outlined the reason I was calling. “I looked at the website and it seems there are just a few people around who would want to know this… people who know both my kids. There is you, the principal, Ms… , maybe Mrs… and that’s about it. So could you pass this information along please?”

She said she would make sure everyone had the news, she expressed her sympathy , she thanked me for the call and right here is where I screwed up. I screwed up by making one more comment.  ::sighs::

I screwed up because the comment was very negative around my daughter’s prognosis and while it may be factual, it was more than the woman could bear and she defended against it.  Basically she said something like, “No, you mean blah, blah, blah, a fairy tale” as opposed to the negative thing.

“Yeah,” I said. “I suppose you’re right about that,” I said lying through my teeth.  “I am sorry, that’s what I should have said.  What you said is what I should have said…”  I got off the phone and thought, damn!

As the day wore on I tried not to obsess about this, I know how fruitless that is however Saturn is in Virgo and the pressure is there. Why did I dial when I knew I was not focused?

And my upset is not because I made this small error, the upset relates to the Pluto Moon transit.  You know that line in the movie, “A Few Good Men”?  Jack Nicholson says, “You can’t handle the truth.”  This whole episode was a reminder of that.

The public can’t handle the truth. The polite public can’t handle the shadow I live with everyday and while I know this at various levels of consciousness at various times, I did not want to be reminded of it yesterday. I just wanted to make the call and be done, see? Be clear, have my son be clear but nooooooooooo. Elsa P has to step in the shit and later the soldier came home to find me affected.

“I’ll just have to get laid is all,” I said.  “That is the best way to help a situation like this and we both know it.”

He concurred.