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Open Question: Leo Woman’s Aquarius Man Has Scorpio Woman Friend Who Gives Her A Hard Time: Astrology-Based Advice
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Hi Elsa,
My boyfriend has a Scorpio friend that he has known for about five years. She doesn’t like me. It is very difficult to deal with this because as far as I can tell nothing I have done has caused her to dislike me — I am her pal’s girlfriend and she
doesn’t like it, period. Everything I say or do is taken the same way (politely, but dismissively). She is older than both of us — much older than I am — and I am not worried about romantic attraction on his part at all — nothing to do with her age, just getting that out of the way.
I don’t really have much interest in cultivating a friendship with someone who so obviously doesn’t want one with me, but my main problem is the boyfriend. I know he is an Aquarius and all, but his attitude is to stay out of it. He expects me to act like an adult and I am trying to transcend this but it is very hard since we hang out with her a lot (they work together). It is becoming an issue because he says I just shouldn’t hang out with them when he’s hanging out with her but this strikes me as kind of unfair. I really don’t want this to devolve into a tug-of-war.
All of his other friends are fine with me. Usually I get along really well with Scorpios so I don’t know what the deal is
here. What can I do?
Motivated
Thailand
Dear Motivated,
I have a dim view of this. It’s so negative I thought I best put this up as an open question so others would be more encouraged to weigh in on the chance my personal bias (and experience) drives my opinion.
The way I see it, the Scorpio is going nowhere. Who is going to drive her off? You. No. Him? No. She is essentially a mother figure… one of those Mom’s who won’t let go of their son.
As for your boyfriend’s part in this, he’s got a stellium in Aquarius that includes Venus and yes. Intellectually he does think you should be able to detach and cope with his friendship however there is another angle here. Her presence in your relationship provides him space. There is a lack of commitment on his part and I notice his Saturn is conjunct your Sun…
Bascially he’s telling you to grow up, clutch it up but he is not doing this himself because if he was he would blow the whistle on his friend rather than his girlfriend.
Now I don’t know what you are going to do but I would point out these two are fixed. That is they are not prone to change and the Scorp is very likely to slowly turn up the heat and in my experience these Mom people always win and I mean always.
I am very sorry and hope someone else can offer a more optimistic view (that is valid) but I just don’t see it. When someone is beating on you and your man allows it, well…
It might be all right if you did not have to see and deal with her all the time but you do have to see and deal with her all the time (or turn him over to her) so to me it seems this die is cast.
Anyone else?
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19 Responses to “Open Question: Leo Woman’s Aquarius Man Has Scorpio Woman Friend Who Gives Her A Hard Time: Astrology-Based Advice”
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That’s messed up. I totally agree with you Elsa. And as a Leo, your pride comes before anything, right? Why are you allowing this guy to put anyone before you? Scorpios are manipulating and they can really get in people’s heads so who knows what’s going on there. All I can say is that he needs to put her in her place and put you where you belong, as his number one. He obviously respects her opinion more than yours and that’s not right.
“these Mom people always win and I mean always.”
Oh my goodness, I’m glad somebody finally said something about this! I always thought it played out this way…ugh!!
I wouldn’t say the outlook is very rosy either, but it’s worth a shot to try and get the friend alone and just talk to her. “Have I done something to offend you? I just don’t feel like you’ve warmed to me very much, and that’s kind of a problem because of how important you are to x…”
Her reply should at least let you know whether her problem is personal or territorial.
If your boyfriend has a huge problem with you confronting her on it, get the *!@&# away from him. That means there’s a mutual dysfunctional control cycle going on that both of them are feeding.
I can totally see the reasoning behind your advice, Elsa, and the other comments as well, but I feel like I can see both sides on this one.
The other side being there may be reasons for this woman’s dismissing attitude and the boyfriend’s ‘take it or leave it…I mean take it’ approach.
Yes these people work together, but no one except for those two people (bf and his female friend) are in the know about the context of their relationship. Did they know each other before the relationship began? Maybe he was having a breakdown and his Mommy figure saved him. Maybe she sustained him in a way emotionally that no one even talks about because it is unspeakable and inexplicable.
If he is devoted to her (and obviously he is)–a woman who is not his partner (even if it isn’t sexual)–this doesn’t sit well with a person with Leo! His girlfriend should be the Queen right?And I don’t think this is a bad thing. Damn right she should be the Queen.
Just saying the Scorpio female workmate obviously has an undefined, yet VERY important role. But one thing is for certain–the Queen and the Mother are two very different roles in my mind. So it depends on the battle when you say ‘Mom always wins.’
Last, this letter writer has Scorpio MC and Saturn. She is the Dad, no?
“Last, this letter writer has Scorpio MC and Saturn. She is the Dad, no?”
Yep, sounds right to me. Good catch, kashmiri.
Sounds like the scorpio lady is trying to get rid of you and it’s working. Talk to the guy about being cool with the friendship only if it remains a friendship, meaning you stay #1, and she becomes #2 (or even #6).
As to dealing with a dismissive scorpio.. she’s using energy to put distance, and dismissing you is energy - it’s insidious and undermining. You could use her energy back - play on the age difference - convince him to leave early - because she needs to get her rest. When she looks tired point it out. Then talk to him about how maybe next time it’s better to leave early so as not to tax her. Those kinds of ideas.
sounds like you’ve got yourself an unfriendly mother-in-law. and whether you endure her dismissiveness feeling like the unwanted extra person in THAT couple or make yourself scarce for their together time, you can bet that scorp’s behavior will escalate. the less your with them, the more critical she’ll be of you in your absence and continue to chip, chip, chip away at your relationship. if she does it while you’re there, you think she’ll be more restrained when you’re not? i don’t.
I wouldn’t bother talking to the scorp about it. That just gives her more ammuninution to critisize. “how childish and insecure” she’ll say you are, not being able to deal with bf having female friends. of course, that’s not the truth at all, but it doesn’t matter.
you’re not only being made uncomfortable spending time with your own bf, you’re being specifically asked to butt out of his other relationship. i don’t care if they are sleeping together or not, he’s made that one his primiary relationship; you are the one being told you must accept his other “gf”.
I mean, he’s tolerating the critisim of you without issue. But her? No, she can’t be expected to change her behavior. I see no win in this scenario, short of the oceans parting and he suddenly decides he’d rather have a gf than a controlling mommy figure.
Yes I expect people to be grown up and deal with other people in their partners’ lives. But if somebody attacks my partner, be it overt or be it backhanded, it’s also an attack against me and my relationship. When you are with somebody, HELL yes you take sides! Being partnered means working together. And is sounds like bf is definitely partnered…just not with you.
{{{Motivated}}}
Once I had an Aquarius boyfriend and I had the same issue. One night my boyfriend said the friend who is like your scorpio woman was coming by and it was a chance to neutralize my jealousy… hahaha what a catastrophy it was. I was SO not cool with the situation, and within a few months we were not together anymore. It took me a while to “fall out of love” with him, but once i did, I was relieved not to have to accompany my boyfriend on a weird kind of a date that didn’t feel like my date at all anymore.
As far as your situation goes, I think the Scorpio woman knows you are uncomfortable, and she is already not doing anything to support you. I would say don’t waste your energy on her. Saturn is about to pass over your Venus and Mercury. I think this is a big chance for you to decide what you want in a relationship, what matters to you, and what makes you feel secure. If you decide you want a boyfriend who understands you don’t want another woman on your dates, and your boyfriend thinks you are being difficult, you may do yourself a favor and tell him you don’t want to see him. I think this is a time to look inward and take yourself seriously and lovingly .
Possibly your bf is keeping her around so you compete with her for his affections.
She is the “cock-blocker”, and YOU are the cock in this situation. He accepts her behaviour because it makes for a chase.
You should not be chasing him if you’re in a relationship with him.
Confront her, him, or both of them and sort this out - or get out of there.
Thanks Rob.
cock blocking:
http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2007/10/11/astrology-and-%E2%80%9Ccock-blocking%E2%80%9D-%E2%80%93-it%E2%80%99s-mars-raw-male-energy-what-can-i-say/
links at the bottom of each post lead to the next
if you can’t be friends you should at least respect each other enough to give a certain distance… and if your boyfriend insists that your time with him also be spent with her to some degree even if you don’t enjoy it, there’s a problem.
personally, i’d take his advice, and not join in the coworker’s get-togethers. and if that affects your time together as a couple, say something, and see whether it’s worth it to him to make the time for you that you want. if it isn’t, that tells you where is priorities lie, doesn’t it?
i went through something like this last year. finally decided it wasn’t worth dumping any more energy into a relationship that wasn’t feeding me back. when i realized i just wasn’t important enough to him, i moved on. because it wasn’t about me, it was about what he valued. i’d rather be in relationship with someone who values me and focuses on me when i’m around.
and who knows… maybe he will realize he wants more time with you… it happens. but it’s better if he figures it out on his own.
and… socializing with people who don’t bring you up, to me, is like negative time… worse than wasted time… it makes you feel worse than when you started, and do you want that energy in your time together with your boyfriend?
by the way, i don’t think this is about you in any way, shape or form…
I’m not a Scorpio, but two of my best friends are and I’ve got a packed 8th house. I’ve got another idea…
One of my friends has been seeing someone I loathe for years. She’s never done anything to me; I’ve never even talked to her. Instead, I’ve listened to the way her man has talked about her and described her. He’s never said anything in an attempt to be negative at all. He’s very much smitten and protective of her.
But as a woman with a lot of relationship experience, I know that that him saying A, B, and C means X, Y, and Z. I can see that his insecurity, lack of relationship experience, attraction to her, and general compassion is mixing together and blinding him to crap he wouldn’t take from anyone else.
I’ve been watching her use and manipulate him for years on end and I hate her for it. I’ve seen nothing admirable in her character, nothing redeeming at all. Just a weak, grasping woman using my friend to fix the mess she’s made of her life. She would be up shit’s creek without a paddle if he wasn’t the self-sacrificing, white knight sort of guy who doesn’t think anyone else would be interested in him.
Scorpios can be nasty, but only the nastiest of them are mean for no reason. They’re very loyal and loving to those who are worthy. Before going overboard criticizing and blaming the friend, check yourself and make sure you haven’t done some lousy crap to her friend that might piss her off. Doesn’t matter if it was recent, either. Scorpios can hold a grudge for decades, and it’s possible that you wronged her friend and she hasn’t forgiven and forgotten.
I think you totally threaten Mama Scorp.
I don’t know if you should bother confronting. I mean, he doesn’t understand the problem now, it is very unlikely that he (or they) will understand it in a confrontation that could easily escalate.
Aquas can be strangely loyal to their friends. . .even if it doesn’t make sense to be. Even at the cost of their girlfriends.
Is that a Pisces Moon I see? You might like someone more sensitive way better.
*****
And Venus is in Leo and the Sun is about to be, so it really is all about you right now. Maybe you should think about banishing them from your kingdom.
Sorry.
<3
I second Elsa on this, totally.
Thank you all so much for your replies. I’m going to try and talk to him tonight.
ewinbee — I don’t think talking to her will help at all — I’ll just get more deflection. Besides, I don’t want to be her friend. What kind of friend would she make, to me?
kashmiri — Yes, they did know each other before he ever met me and she has seen him go through (I think?) two other girlfriends. She is very into being “one of the guys” — and I am someone who threatens her territory. Not simply with Boyfriend — with the other guys they hang out with too, because they actually really like me. And his family loves me.
goddess — “you’re not only being made uncomfortable spending time with your own bf, you’re being specifically asked to butt out of his other relationship.” Thank you. That is exactly how I feel.
Rob — I don’t think I am the cock, I think he is the cock and she is cockblocking me.
M. — I understand what you are saying. I have had two strong personal friendships with Scorpios and I know how deeply they can pull for you. However, I haven’t done shit to my boyfriend. I love and respect him and I communicate with him very well. He is not under my control and I despise manipulation. The Scorpio isn’t being mean — she is being passive aggressive.
Again, big thanks to everyone. I’m going to try and outline things very clearly for him so he has an idea of our issue here.
Motivated - Good luck!
“socializing with people who don’t bring you up, to me, is like negative time… worse than wasted time…”
so right!
Good luck!!! Hope it goes well and he’s able to hear you.