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The Saturn Return Of The Soldier And P - The Path Redux… I Am Still Daunted
Astrology in real life
Reading over the post about the path I didn’t take and it seems I wrote it in more code than I intended. I was talking to a pal an hour later and made it a lot plainer to her.
I told her the soldier told me some outrageous tales when we were kids. They were outrageous but somehow they were (possibly) credible. They were possibly incredible too but in whatever case there was no way to completely discount him. It was just not possible to say, oh that will never happen. I couldn’t say, oh he’ll never do that because he was just too serious of mind plus he knew too much and had too many details.
This meant to sign on with him was to commit to a destiny that was daunting and went way beyond Special Forces. Special Forces was just something he felt he had to do but as this story comes together in my mind, I recall he never said he would or wanted to make a career of it. Perhaps he just needed the skills he would pick up there so he could apply them to achieving his real ambition? It is beginning to look this way to me as all the threads are beginning to weave themselves into something recognizable.
I did not want to step into these shoes as a teenager (you should see the size of them) and I do not really want to step into them today though by God, I will. I used to not want to write this blog you know. I got used to that didn’t I?
The soldier is telling me the same stories he did 30 years ago except at this point he is entirely credible. I know for sure that even under extreme conditions he delivers as he promises and within the time frame he designates well in advance. If this happens then I will do this, he says and then he follows through to the letter. Anyone who disbelieves him finds out soon enough he was never joking.
So now I see him with his extreme talk again and I admitted to my pal today… I am probably more than just a bystander in this. That is, it’s occurred to me that he cannot go any further without me. He has already gone as far as he can go without me and vice versa. It just takes both of us to fulfill the destiny. So here I am signed on and guess what? I feel as daunted as I ever.
It is not enough to make me turn away though. I’m convinced if I turn away I will be right back where I am eventually. In a week? In another 28 years? In another life?
So today I listen to him and I watch him and I am pretty sure we are going to take this trip. I am pretty sure he is right about that Little Match Girl thing too. That my destiny is complex that is which leaves me just one hope which is probably hopeless to bother hoping.
The hope is that we are only to gather tools and experience this life to be applied in a future life. Get it? I would like to have some delay but I don’t know. He keeps writing on the wall and sure enough, fortunately or otherwise I can read his hand.
I wrote this yesterday and told him about it last night. He did not deny a thing.
Do you ever feel daunted by the path ahead? What is your Capricorn / Saturn situation?
13 Responses to “The Saturn Return Of The Soldier And P - The Path Redux… I Am Still Daunted”
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I sometimes (and sometimes frequently) feel daunted by the path ahead. Unsure of myself, unsure of others, afraid it’s “too late” for certain things, discouraged by personal experiences and examples, and so on. Sometimes I’m hopeful, but as always, I talk myself into not being that way out of fear of being disappointed. I’ve been feeling so cynical lately. Not very much like me. I’ve been feeling this overbearing need for complete freedom from life and people. I’ve never been at a point where a looooong period of solitude sounded sooooo good. Perhaps Saturn is already peeking it’s head. If it is, and this is what the next few years is gonna feel like…….HELL YES I’m daunted!!! haha.
Satrn square Moon in Capricorn.
god yeah. i wasn’t dating my SO very long before he had his big pluto/mars near-death accident (not long after my pluto/neptune one).
there was a moment that came about 6 weeks after it happened…the sense of immediacy began to dissipate and the sense of ‘make your decision if you’re in for the long haul’ took over.
i made my choice but i actually had to go through a huge grieving process. i remember crying a lot. i knew he had survived but i was essentially witnessing a death anyway and it hurt so much.
in my case even though i was in love with my SO it was a sense of finally reaching adulthood and boy did the road ahead look rough as shit.
Moon in Capricorn (1 degree apart from my SO’s Sun/Saturn conjunction)
With Saturn in Capricorn on my ascendant, I am often standing at the gate, in salute of hither and yon.
I’m daunted!! The one thing that propels me forward is that I’m afraid when I die, and my life review comes up. Instead of being shown what I did with my life, I’m TERRIFIED I’ll be shown what I could have been if I hadn’t been afraid to try.
That is a really fascinating insight. I have had some of these moments over the last year where I see down a path that I think is opening. They’re kind of knee-buckling. But I like the way you have written about knowing someone’s conviction. Seems like this is a blog about conviction, actually not just mental determination but a fate that will certainly happen. Seems very Capricorn.
I have 0 Cap on the descendant and so when I have these moments they’re about partnerships.
I’m so daunted I can’t even take a step.
I often feel daunted by the path ahead, but I only need to imagine the vacuum of denying and not taking it, to hurry back on track and love it. If we want to follow our path we have to learn not to follow our fears.
“I’m TERRIFIED I’ll be shown what I could have been if I hadn’t been afraid to try” Yes.
Tam - I feel the same way. Couldn’t have said it better myself. The thing that scares me most in life is not f*ing up, but not taking the chance at all. Granted, I’m scared of taking chances a lot of the time…but even more scared of what will happen if I don’t take any chances. Enough to tip me over into taking some action.
Conny - “If we want to follow our path we have to learn not to follow our fears” I totally agree. The path requires us to face our fears - it’s the price we pay to reach our full potential.
I’m plenty daunted, but I believe that anything I put off will come back twice as strong the next time. Whether in this life or another one. Even with that, though, it’s very slow going, I definitely do not leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Oh, Capricorn in 7th (empty wing of T square). Saturn conjunct Mercury in Cancer in 12th. Sorry, I always forget the astrology for some reason.
Saturn in the Twelfth. Everything is daunting.
When I was sixteen, my parents brought me into their room one night, obviously excited about something, and said, “We’ve decided we may be able to get you a CAR!”
My shoulders slumped, and I heaved a big sigh. “What’s wrong?” they asked.
“That’s such a big responsibility. I don’t know how to take care of a car. What will insurance cost? How will I afford it?”
My parents exchanged a look, and both lit into me for acting like a forty-year-old risk assessor…
I act younger than I used to, but I still make mountains up out of nothing and put them in front of me every day.
yeah.
quite.
and i’m only feeling my way through the dark but there’s some weird pictures coming back on the radar.
well, i have a saturn t square. and something like a grand trine if one takes into account pallas, conjunct the saturn (it’s really pallas’ grand trine.)
11th house, leo. on the cusp of the 12th.
Yeah, I agree with most of these posts, especially Tam and Ana.
I don’t know exactly how to write this, but my Saturn is in Pisces in my Ascendant (?) in my 1st house and it’s Retrograde. Think it’s kind of heavy.
Yikes Elsa, you’re making me nervous. Does it have anything to do with the apocalypse? I’m only half joking here…