Open Question: Astrology, Love And Legacy

26 Responses to “Open Question: Astrology, Love And Legacy”

1. Jessica says on 6/23/08 at 1:57 pm:
   

   I cannot back this with astrology per se, but I love this topic. I think the only difference between children who grow up with this and the children who do not is the *awareness* that such love between adults is possible. You could come across that realization another way, at a later time, but I think children who always have this knowledge from the example of their parents may have a slight advantage. It’s consciousness vs. unconsciousness, just as you are better equipped to deal with the energies in your chart if you are aware of them. I say this from my own experience, because I did not have an example of parents who loved each other, and I went down the wrong first path in marriage because I don’t think I was aware that any better was possible. Awareness counts for a lot.

2. doublecappy says on 6/23/08 at 2:01 pm:
   

   Um, guess I’ll be the first to comment, since this here seems to be my thing. I grew up in with parents in an abusive relationship, very codependent, a depressed Dad, always on edge, subservient mother, no support, father overbearing, critical, mother put up with it all.

   (Dad Pisces Sun, Mom Gemini)

   And my Leo sister went off and found a nice guy and got into a normal relationship (at 30, but not so much before then) and ignored it all as best she could.

   I absorbed it all like a sponge, played it out in all my relationships, tried to fix everyone I was with, criticized myself (Cappy), and was terrified of relationships when all was said and done.

   With lots of therapy and lots of Elsa . . . I think I’m finally becoming my own person, separate from my parents “legacy” (which is a good way of putting it).

   So I work extra hard to not be like my dad, and not be in a relationship like my parents, but it’s finally paying off (albeit, at age 36, but better late than never!)

   That’s my story - but I have noticed a general trend toward people whose parents have been f***ed up getting into bad relationships and people with parents who’ve had fairly healthy relationships seeing that modeled for them and knowing how to do it.

   I’m still looking for those models. And finding them in the most unlikely places

3. Jennifer says on 6/23/08 at 3:19 pm:
   

   Speaking as someone who came from a loveless marriage, hell yes it affects the child. I am, to this day, genuinely ASTONISHED every time I see a married couple that’s been married for longer than a year that still wants to be together and are happy to see their spouse come home. Every time, it shocks me. I haven’t the faintest idea how to have such a thing myself. (Then again, looking at my astrology, odds are I won’t, so I guess it all ties in.)

   But I do have one set of (not married yet!) childhood sweetheart friends who came from two sets of divorced parents, so I guess that didn’t damage them too much. And I have a friend who came from very loving parents who married a difficult man, so I guess that isn’t a guarantee for everyone that happy parents = happy child.

   But that said, I think having an example of “what you want” versus “what you don’t” is probably good for a child.

4. Carielle says on 6/23/08 at 4:09 pm:
   

   I think it’s an advantage in that they have a real, live, close-to-the-soul example and hopefully understanding of what that kind of love is, and can use it as a sort of compass for their own journey in relationship. So many of us play out in our young adult lives what we were exposed to as children, that I hope such an example would be a positive influence.

5. Brittany says on 6/23/08 at 4:11 pm:
   

   This reminds me of a while back when you were talking about “love stories” being such a big influence on relationships. And you said that you and the Soldier had the same love story, a movie I don’t remember, and since you shared that your expectations were the same..
   Me and my SO have vastly different love stories, in that he has a picture-perfect family whose parents have been together since high school and rarely fight (and if they do, it’s always behind closed doors), and I, essentially, have none. I have what I’ve seen in movies and on tv and what I read in books. My family life growing up was convoluted, and I spent most of the time living with my single Grandmother.
   It certainly makes things difficult in ways we wouldn’t really expect.. Just different ways of doing the whole “love” thing and only through extensive (and seemingly redundant) communications over the whole thing can we figure out where the discrepencies are… whew, i’m tired just talking about it.

6. liz says on 6/23/08 at 4:20 pm:
   

   I’d say yes as well. My grandparents on my mother’s side are both a mix of aquarius/pisces (one week apart in age) and are catholic. They both came from abusive families but married young and held their faith throughout their marriage. They have been married over 60 years. Not perfect but they are best friends and raised 10 kids. They were not abusive to their children and showed an example of love, committment, tolerance and humour to their kids which has been passed down. Of the 10, 8 married and have kids of their own, 1 divorced and remarried which is going on 20 years, and one is gay who is about to marry this august. My own parents have been married - for the most part with a similar mix of love, committment and humour for over 35 years. In my 20s I wasn’t successful finding the right relationship but am now much more aware of what I’m looking for. BUT In general I have found myself attracting “good” men and i think it’s partly because I expect it having seen it. I have a very low tolerance for men who cheat because I just don’t get it. I saw happy, loving and committed men in my family. Most of my uncles have some capricorn in them, as well as my father. My brother is also a wonderful man and has a jovial personality and has jupiter in taurus. He’s one to stay and make it work. My father himself holds both capricorn and aquarius so I assume a mixture of being atonomous but being committed as a natural blend. Right now I’m dating someone with a bit of capricorn and aquarius so I naturally expect him to be there when i need him, but to otherwise go do what he wants. LOL. And we both express to each other being very happy with the way we get along.
   He told me “Do you know how many men have affairs out there?” as he recounted a story of a friend who married a woman to be the mother of his kids but routinely cheats on the side. And I told him that I didn’t.. that I know it logically but not otherwise because anything other than committment, love, faith and freedom was not patterned for me to follow. I did mention that my mother told me once that my father once said to her “You know you’ve never said no to me (in the bedroom)” And I think that has something to do with it. We may have catholic blood but there’s a bit of the devil there too ;).

7. Elsa says on 6/23/08 at 4:23 pm:
   

   Brittany - Sound of Music
   http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/2007/09/05/astrology-and-music-venus-square-neptune-these-things-cannot-be-explained/

8. doublecappy says on 6/23/08 at 5:05 pm:
   

   Wow, Liz. This is really really heartening. What a family! What a story! Beautiful stuff.

   I’m also heartened. I’m Cappy and Aqaurius rising and am trying to find the balance between commitment and autonomy, so those guys would definitely be good models for me; in fact, having a man in my life like that would definitely be appealing.

   Thanks for sharing this.

9. spinner says on 6/23/08 at 5:50 pm:
   

   Amazing comments! I cannot back it up with astrology. Mom and Dad have been married for 47 years. I was born six months after they were married. There may have been some family coercion involved. I have been married 27 years this July 10th and have been faithful throughout. We have other examples in our lives, though my family seems to have a lot more couples that stay together. Mom and Dad fight three times more than me and my SO. He is a Capricorn and she is a Libra. They are quite a dynamic couple. I really should look at their charts someday.

10. Becca says on 6/23/08 at 5:57 pm:
    

    My parents were married for 54 years, right up until my mom died, and clearly loved each other a lot. But it hasn’t been an advantage for me in finding love or forming lasting relationships. What I seem to have taken to heart from their example is that they were exceptional, and I cannot expect a similar exception to be made for me.

11. anesa says on 6/23/08 at 8:04 pm:
    

    My parents are still married (and have been for 47 years) but to me they are just dependent on each other (Father Taurus, mother Sag). Which is very sad, needless to say. Sun/Sat (Aqu) sq Moon (Tau).

    We celebrated my in-laws 50 years of marriage last year and they have lasted solely because my mother-in-law is quite a patient woman (Scorpio) married to a very impatient man (Aries).

    Two Sun quincunx couples…

    On the other hand, I have been very very happily married for the past 15 years. My Aquarian husband is the patient/detached one (he must have learned from his mother). We are very lucky to have found each other because we are not very conventional (very Aquarian but also some Virgo/Cap), for example we didn’t do any wedding ceremony, just went to file the papers. And I think of my parents and their everyday fight and hatred and control issues and I just think what a blessing to live in a comfortable, laughter-filled environment.

12. anesa says on 6/23/08 at 8:14 pm:
    

    I don’t know if this is an astrological backup but I have Venus 1 degree off my DSC. I have been very lucky in my dealing with people so far (even though I am now facing the prospect of having someone wanting me dead and it’s very disconcerting).

13. wyrdling says on 6/23/08 at 10:00 pm:
    

    i lived with my grandparents every summer until we left state wheni was nine and they loved each other deeply and i do think it’s helped me have clear idea of what kind of connection i’m looking for.

    can’t say the same thing about my parents. except that i’ve an aversion to weak men and i try perhaps too hard not to be a bitch.

14. wyrdling says on 6/23/08 at 10:00 pm:
    

    and then we can look at my venus aspects
    (opposite pluto. quincunx ascendant. but trine neptune and saturn.)

15. Kingsley says on 6/23/08 at 11:59 pm:
    

    There has been some very good scientific research over the years that points towards the development of a child to be more dysfunctional with dysfunctional parents. As to whether Astrology can show this I am not sure. Astrology can show the potential for an individuals development, however most of you would know that siblings can view their same parents in different ways. That is, one may child may develop sensitivities when the other sibling may treat their abusive parents like water off a ducks back.

    Bowlby has gone a long way to research how attachment plays a great role int the development of childeren and personality. Astrology is not static when one works with progressed charts, solar arcs, returns, triplicity rulers and stages of life, Firdaria and other life cycles, are all important turning points in life.

    Once knowing the nature of a relationship, or child personaly and through astrology it is possible to track and treat any anomalies in those relationships however if there is a crisis showing in the individual’s chart at any point, who is to say that the person chooses to go one way or another? LIkewise the developing child may choose a variety of ways to get through developmental times and Astrology in my view can only be used to determine the most likely ways (potentials).

    kingsley

16. Natasha says on 6/24/08 at 12:20 am:
    

    I experience my parent’s drama in my inability to form lasting intimate relationships, yes! My brother left home and for 6 years I had to live with their tyrant/victim dynamic - Scorpio father, Gemini mother - both Cancer moon. When Pluto came onto my Mars Moon conjunction in Scorpio the family split into 4 directions taking many years for each to speak with the other. My brother has married happily, but I seem unable. Even with a good man, I shall wait to find out his dark lurking truth which is, I resume/assume, that he doesn’t love me. A cruel game which I glean I got from my parents and which translates as lack of trust in men. I am Cap Sun with Venus in Pisces in the 7th and I put myself through the strangest relationships to learn to love myself. When will it end???

17. maureen says on 6/24/08 at 12:27 am:
    

    I know so little about astrology, but the timing of your query, Elsa, is remarkable. My parents will have been married 49 years come August. He’s Leo, and she’s Aquarius. He’s a homebody, always has been, but willingly travels whereever she goes. Has his own friends, but prefers being with her. She on the other hand deeply needs her own friends, causes, etc. But she admires him, and that’s her glue, you know? Anyway, by no means has their relationship been ideal or trauma free, and believe me, like so many I’ve had therapy to deal with the truth of my life as their child! For the past year, my father has been hellbent on spending what little they have on fixing the house he bought for her in 1966. New windows, new furnace, he painted the cellar floor for godsake. And my mother hasn’t cared all that much, just gone on with her business while my father fixes this house. Everybody and I mean everybody has told him it’s a mistake, but no.. and he even topped it off by announcing they would remodel their kitchen. Brand new. It’s the one thing my mother has dreamed of.. And it occured to me just yesterday, while I let go of my own fretting and just let them be, while I was helping Mom pick out a laminate countertop and noted the tears of excitement, that my father is acting out a very important part of his love story with her, and she him. It was such a wonderful realization– it made me feel at peace with all my own love triumphs and mistakes. I’m a single Gem, never married, but have loved deeply and know at least for today, my own love story has another chapter coming.

18. Deirdre says on 6/24/08 at 6:13 am:
    

    My Dad had five kids with two wives over 28 years. Three of us have Sun-Pluto oppostions; one has a square. We all have a range of Sun-Moon aspects, sextile, trine, opposition or square. With all of us we really get it that the male female dynamic is a MAJOR TOPIC! Of the five of us, we are two Pisces, two Leos and an Aries. The ones with the most fixed signs in their charts are the most invested and successful in the “lasting” part of relationships. My impression is they have really strong wills when the mission gets nearly impossible.

19. spinner says on 6/24/08 at 6:15 am:
    

    maureen- that was beautiful!

20. Little Miss Hermit says on 6/24/08 at 6:25 am:
    

    My parents have been married for 33 years; Mum Aries, Dad Leo. Their relationship is based on mutual respect, and is actually envied by many of the couples in their circle of friends. On the other hand, they have always put their roles as girlfriend and boyfriend before their roles as parents, and my brother and I have both suffered from this.
    What I’ve learned from them that I will take with me into my primary relationship, is that it’s ok to fight as long as you are respectful and never ever resort to name calling. As for future nurturing of children, there are no role models in my life, but I think I’ll do very well. I’ll smother my kids for sure, but they will feel loved for themselves:)

21. shell says on 6/24/08 at 7:28 am:
    

    I love all of your stories.
    I think every person processes their experience differently. For instance, I too have a Gemini mom who put up with a lot of crap over the last 27 years. Before I met my husband I had my share of guys who were not good for me. I didn’t feel I deserved anything better. But as I got older, I use my parents story to my advantage by making sure my relationship patterns are different from theirs. Sometimes the insecurities creep up, and I wonder if the future of my marriage is doomed (I honestly have NOT had one good model/example in my personal circle), and it can be quite frightening.
    I have a friend who says her parents NEVER have fought in front of her, and her dad is quite the romantic…yet she doesn’t have much luck in the relationship arena, and she is the one that creates that reality.
    Like I said, I think everyone processes it differently. YOU are who YOU are, no matter who your models were.
    P.S. to add to the fright, I have chiron in the 7th.

22. Foxxy says on 6/24/08 at 7:39 am:
    

    I imagine it would be. It would give the child an enormous advantage in knowing how to love and what exactly love was.

    While I can’t back that up astrologically, Myself, my brother, and my sisters, all have various love issues. Speaking for myself and my brother we are both big commitmentphobes and attribute it at least in part to our parents disasterous marriage.

    I’ve got Moon square venus and neptune, and venus in the midpoint of my mars pluto square, in sagittarius, in the 12th house.

    My brother has his moon square pluto and saturn, and venus square mars.

    My brother inherited his moon square saturn/pluto from my dad, and the venus square mars from both our parents.

    I recieved my moon square venus from my mom, and in her chart neptune is opposed her moon so my square echoes that. I also have uranus sextile mars and my mom has uranus trine mars, to which I attribute my limited attention span (Oh god! Suddenly you’re BORING! I have to GOOOOOOOOOO!)

23. goddess says on 6/24/08 at 8:25 am:
    

    becca, your comment made me sad. i hope you find an exceptional relationship for yourself.

24. Dina says on 6/24/08 at 10:59 am:
    

    “I think the only difference between children who grow up with this and the children who do not is the *awareness* that such love between adults is possible.”

    Good point, Jessica. This is what gives me an edge in believing that a non-dysfunctional relationship is possible. I think that even if we are not observant, we are used to our family situation and we notice it when something different is thrust before our eyes, aka when we get out into the world, kind of like you don’t know that you are swimming until you come up for air. The bad movies I watch during the summer always have to do with the possibility that relationships will fail as soon as they get going. Miami Rhapsody, Sex and the City, etc. create stereotypes I can recognize. The process of falling in love is a quick montage and suddenly when the couple is together, some threatening music or camera angles tell you that someone is going to cheat. But real relationships around me aren’t like this. It gives me faith.

25. Becca says on 6/24/08 at 12:25 pm:
    

    Thanks, goddess, it’s sweet of you to say so.

26. Loonsounds says on 6/24/08 at 3:35 pm:
    

    And vice versa. I have Sun square Moon which often means that the parents did not get along, and they didn’t. The whole thing is actually a T square including an 8th house Saturn. Sure enough, I suk at relationships, apparently.

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