“You’re slimmin’ right down,” I told the soldier. “Look at you.”

“Yeah, right. Slimmin’ down. That’s why China called. Hey can you reduce your portions some so some of our people can have something to eat?”

I roared.

“Europe called too. Hey can you do something about that belly? You’re blocking the sun over here. You’re messing up our sciencitists. They thought there was an ecclipse!”

More laughing.

“And how come when I wear red, all the kids yell KOOOOL-AID, huh?”