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I Think It’s Murderous, And You? Another Manifestation Of Pluto Moon
Astrology in real life
Last night the soldier played me a series of songs on Youtube. He’s got that Taurus memory I guess because among other things, he was able to play me the song he was listening to a concert 2 days after we broke up 28 years ago.
Apparently he was in agony, he’d gone to the concert with 3 friends on two motorcycles and you just know he’s saying nothing and then this song comes on… (more below)
And he tells me this stuff and I guess it’s another manifestation of my Pluto Moon transit because I am impacted to my core. I am just shook with the memories because he’s sitting here now and I remember him them. I have pictures obviously but besides that I can remember because he’s really not changed so much as a hair. And I feel terrible. I feel terrible we broke up and I also feel terrible because I don’t even know how it happened or even what happened. So all I’ve got is this feeling of powerlessness. It slipped through our fingers but how?
Do most of you reading realize we never said goodbye? We never said, fuck you, or I don’t love you or anything else. We just ended up separated is all and here’s the question:
Thinking about this stuff makes me feel HORRIBLE. And it is not that I don’t want to know what he went through because I do. I need to understand this but it does broil me in ways I can’t describe while he seems far more comfortable.
It’s almost as if he thinks it’s cool or something. He’s playing P his songs (there are more than 50 at this point), calm as can be and I am just… at a loss for words.
Part of the reason may be that he processed our relationship throughout his life where I did not. He collected those songs for example where as I did something else entirely. In whatever case it’s all very sickening now. Sweet but grueling and seemingly unresolvable.
Do you relish or enjoy deep emotion?
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Any emotion but guilt.
Admittedly, this doesn’t seem like a really good time to hit you with emotions related to loss. :/
ewinbee - that’s a good point. It’s just all bigger and/or deeper than anyone (me) can fathom right now but I can also see the beat just goes on. Can’t stop the Iraq war so Elsa’s emotions can catch up. School is getting out when school is getting out and I sure hope the growth we found on the dog tonight is nothing serious.
I sent a rejection to an advice question someone sent me today and they wrote me back how disappointed they were in me.
I am just trying to say it makes no difference where I look, it is what is what is and like I said… there is some relief. We got an email this morning, right? That means the soldier’s son survived yesterday and hopefully he’ll continue to dodge incoming and be home in November.
The soldier had a cancer scare, not cancer and next year my son is going back to the school I had to pull him out of 2 years ago due family hardship.
I wish I knew what to say about my daughter - I do not. I just have not one word to offer.
No, I don’t…though I experience deep emotion continuously in this Life, so I guess my job is to get comfortable. (?! I’m not surprised that you feel horrible about it…and so I’m sorry about that. Geez, I can’t believe I don’t have anything going on in Cancer, I’m so mushy.
My first instinct upon reading that he’s okay with this is that, well, he is a soldier. He’s seen some really horrible shit that screw people up for life. PTSD, and all that…people lose their ability to love, and it is so inspiring to me that he hasn’t.
If I’ve learned anything in this life it’s that grief is non-linear.
Take care, and love to Mosta and Vid as well
Oh, and yes…I’ve got the Taurus memory (Sun/Mercury). I remember places, dates, clothes…and lemme tell you, I don’t blackout after a night on the tiles. Ever. Thus I am always astounded when one of my sisters tells me a tale from childhood that I don’t recall (I think I should remember everything).
no and yes. i’m either deep or numb and usually i’d rather feel something than nothing… except right when i’m in the middle of something heavy and thinking i’m crazy for preferring it… but i still do. it’s a reminder that i’m living and not shutting myself off from reality (i can do that way too easily.)
i’m sure other people function differently.
This might be just me, but I think people learn how to process emotions from their parents. Some peeps can go through the most horrible things and still be perfectly fine while others can have a pet die and become completely devestated.
The one I loved and lost is out there somewhere, but I don’t see any way he would ever come back to me. I’d give anything to have another chance after 30 years or whatever it’s been. Just another perspective.
growth is overated. My neighbors dog has a big ol tic, it IS gross!! I don’t mind getting where the grit is. Some women have there men do all the dirty work for them and there is nothing I detest more. If you’ve got some sort of negative emotion towards me, then deal with me, but don’t send your man over to do your dirty work for you… Love is much to precious an emotion to use it to manipulate, gang up on, or put down others. And as for that tick, I’ll dig it out myself if I have to.
This is an oddity of the Taurean MAn I thnk. I lost a Taurean once, but I totally remember the same thing about him. He seemed to be so emotionally stable compaired to myself. LIke he would not even be bothered if he held on to old pictures of other women, like maybe he still had feelings for them I dunno. This just drove me crazy as I would think about as we listen to music if he is really thinking about me or some other girl friend that i saw a pic of. So at least you have him thinking of you and you KNOW he is thinking of you P. and not the girl before you…
I love that song but I can’t remember who it is. Is it written down somewhere? I think it is sweet; “Is she feeling that way too?” I should know who that is singing. Love these old u-tubes man, back in the day. Nothing like a Taurus for some music.
Yea, I got that forboding about that Pluto station also. My birthtime, if it is off by 5 or 10 minutes even, could make a difference of a few months one way or the other I guess, since it is all four angles involved.
but maybe, for me, more tragedy means more spiritual awakening… another, a bigger…
And for you, maybe something like that also.
Thank you for continuing to share with us.
Loonsounds - It’s Journey.
I Looooooooove Journey!!
My friend and I who are musical soul mates, randomly scream “I love you Steve Perry!” for no particular reason..hehe.
Nothing like music to rub it in sometimes. It’s like salt on a wound. But sometimes it feels so DAMN good doesn’t it?
Music, to me, is like a timeline. I relate every single song I know and/or love to a situation, to a feeling. It’s like a photo album in my mind when a particular song comes on.
Deep emotion is everything to me. Without it, I don’t know who I’d be. There’s nothing better than feeling.
I have a love/hate thing - ha ha I know, but there it is. I can deal with anyone else’s pretty readily but my own ……. mmm, not so much. I’m better than I was, but it still makes me cringe.