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Astrology, Love And Mars: What About Battle Damage?
Commenting on the comments…
Avery writes on Extreme Anger And Frustration:
Elsa? As a friend… you guys have a lot of fights. A LOT of fights. I know you were aware that you needed someone who could handle conflict, and that it took a Special Forces-trained warrior to fill that bill, but do you think you can sustain this level of love-battle over time? If so, how does this mesh with your Mars in Libra, which to my understanding, really craves peace?
Not trying to undermine what you’ve got going here (it sounds kind of hot, tell you the truth), just trying to understand.
Avery - I get your concern and we have about a fight a month which to us is not a lot of fights or even that big a deal. However as I’ve mentioned many times, others think our fights are a very big deal so your feelings about this fit that pattern. And although I feel the dynamic is largely out of our control, I have a perspective on it that gives a lot of comfort and I understand the dynamic better all the time.
In the simplest terms we both have this very hot energy. It is just IN US so it is very heartening to find someone who is not intimidated when we (either one of us) heat up. Matter of fact it is the greatest gift either one of us could receive. We get to be ourselves and the sky doesn’t fall?
EUREKA!
My friend and astrologer Claire-France Perez has a very good fix on this no concern for either of us. cf has long had an advanced and progressive perspective on Mars energy. She calls this fighting, “our ritual” which resonates because I could sit here and list 50 scenarios where it has played and each of them are the same.
There is typically a truck or a motorcycle involved for example. There is a Mars symbol, loud voices and blah blah blah. The thing is always very hot, the people around us damned near melt. But invariably we get through the thing and wind up laughing.
From there we (re)join forces and head off hand in hand, straight into bliss combined with feelings of intense appreciation of each other and our circumstance.
It is not really a “love battle” we are having. We are always in love. We just have energy, lots of energy and sometimes it gets loose.
As cf has said, “You love each other and you both give each other that little bit of room…”
She’s right. He is not going to punch me or balk or run away because I am ranting. I extend him the same courtesy. He rants (and boy can he) and I don’t bat an eye. Others punish him for centuries for this… I think you can imagine. It sounds like this:
“You went off in 1984 so…”
Give me a break!
The man is sweet, caring, kind, sensitive, funny, loving and giving. He also threatens to kill people 10 times a day in graphic fashion. ::smiles::
Now who is going to put up with that? Better yet, who is going to enjoy it and not try to control it or cure it?
Me.
I am also a pretty fine person with my own version of a conniption fit. There is a club of men out there pissing and moaning about it.. they have all sorts of problems with my uncontrollable nature and there is one man who gets a kick out of it, does not try to control or cure it and guess who it is?
Him.
So you see (maybe) that not only can we not help but be extremely happy, there is no actual battle. And better yet, there is no battle damage. However, there are profound gains which I am more aware of all the time but that I’ve just not had the time or space to convey. And because of this the love is growing which I think all (real) love does.
In fact I would say that is one of the hallmarks of true love. Real love does nothing but grow and considering the soldier is more precious to me with each day that passes and he feels same, I think everyone can let go their concern.
We may be weird but in our own way we inspire and as far as I am concerned nothing more should be asked of us.
If nothing else we are proof positive there is a shoe for every foot out there, even if (some think) the foot is mangy and has corns. 
::smiles::
12 Responses to “Astrology, Love And Mars: What About Battle Damage?”
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Beautiful. Thanks for explaining that - and so well, too. *sigh*
I totally relate, Elsa. I never thought anything of your fighting because I know you guys love each other. There’s a quote from a talk Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, gave on desire and love. . . and it sounds like you guys have a combination of both (’Love,’ she announces, in dramatic tones, ‘needs closeness and intimacy and familiarity to flourish. Desire does not. Desire needs distance, insecurity, novelty and surprise. Desire needs tension, breaches and repairs. Love is not comfortable with fights, but desire needs fights. Fights generate energy, erotic energy - and this is not just desire for sex, but a general exuberance and vitality, an ©lan, an aliveness!)
I also wanted to add, separately, that I’m struggling again with the dating thing . . . I meet a lot of “nice guys” and I want a nice guy, but I, like you, need to fight. Need some grit, an edge. I find this with earth signs . . . The two Taurus men in my past . . . we had grand fights/break ups/reunions. . . but it all got to be too much.
It’s really hard, but I’m trying to find the balance. My ex-fiance was slightly insane (not in a good way fighting). . .
How can you find someone who can “in a good way” fight?
. . . yes, maybe other earth signs.
wooooot! I can SO relate to this–not the fighting part, but the part about being in a relationship that confounds other people.
My relationship surprises and confuses other people, but we have been complimented repeatedly on how much we obviously love each other and enjoy each other’s company, so we must be doing something right.
I never really grew up with ideas about HOW a partner is supposed to be. I wonder if Henry ever gave you and your sister specific ideas?
My parents always taught me that someone should love the crap out of you, not physically harm you, and take care of their own business…but love was always the emphasis.
Was my comment eaten or am I paranoid? Ha!
I was thinking about this and cf’s comment that we give each other room. I am not sure that came across but it is because I am me, I do not get punched and it is because he is him that I will listen to his threats to kill people and put their heads on sticks and so forth.
“Feel like killin’ anyone today?” I ask,
“Not yet, but it’s only 9 o’clock. I am sure some motherfucker is going to get in my way or piss me off eventually… and if he does, well I will kill that son of a bitch!”
Ha ha ha ha “Well if you do, I want to hear about it.”
“Okay, P, okay.”
I totally see your relationship as space-giving. And damn, man, you two have been through the wars (physically and emotionally) without each other, so go ahead and fight!
Different strokes for different folks.
I think Mars in Libra craves peace, yes, and complete equality. But, at same time, all the Mars energy is channeled into relationships and that’s where the tensions will be resolved, so it’s (at least) a two-way deal.
yes, it is inspiring.
Inspiring as hell! And I really want to understand this because it’s an example of health. I grew up in a household in which my parents fought constantly, but it wasn’t the Elsa/Soldier kind of fighting; they truly wanted to hurt each other in any way possible. So I see couples fighting even now and it brings up fear and worry… so enlightening to see that it doesn’t have to result in blood and grudges.
I can relate to this and can talk about it from the opposite experience.
My nature is pugnacious but my family was constantly putting pressure on me to be some kind of “boring geisha”, as a friend of mine put it. If someone stepped on me, I was expected to be all sugar and spice regardless. The message I got was: Don’t be your real self. And also, it’s preferable to be a victim than to be considered a bitch.
(I think a lot of women get this message, btw, and it has toxic toxic consequences.)
This extended to my relationships, natch. I’d repress whatever was bothering me or tried to bring it up in a roundabout way. I also picked men who wanted this apparition of perfect sweetness. Then one day, I’d burst in a rage bc my real self and my real wants and needs were not being heard.
Okay, so I met a man who was just as pugnacious and intense as I am. In fact, one of the first things he liked about me was that I am feisty. In the beginning, I tried to avoid talking about anything that got me angry. Of course, those things don’t go away and my anger would come out in subtle or passive aggressive ways. (It’s like gas, you know? You can only hold it in for so long without getting cramps or having a big fart come out at the most inappropriate moment.)
My guy was taking on all the anger and we’d have a horrible fight. He encouraged me to air out my real feelings and, little by little, I began talking about what really annoyed me and I found out, ironically, that the more I expressed my anger, the less angry he got, the calmer our conversations and the better we got along.
I wanted to add this bc I think there’s this idea that a fight is a sign that a relationship is in trouble. It depends on the type of fighting. If there’s name-calling and put-downs and verbal violence, then yes, that’s abuse. But I think that for a man to let a woman be angry without being afraid of her is a great loving act. It shows the man not only accepts you for who you are (if you happen to be a feisty lady), but also that he’s not trying to control you by imposing this image of who you should or should not be. (If that makes any sense…)
Amen, Nene, that last paragraph is spot-on and exactly what I’m going to be looking for next time around.