Open Question: Astrology, Dating, Psychology - Is Dating The Same Sign Over and Over Healthy Or A Form Of Repetition Compulsion?

25 Responses to “Open Question: Astrology, Dating, Psychology - Is Dating The Same Sign Over and Over Healthy Or A Form Of Repetition Compulsion?”

1. Jennifer says on 3/27/08 at 9:14 am:
   

   I date the same type over and over. My type is VERY RARE, unfortunately.

   Honestly, to some degree you’re gonna like what you’re gonna like and it probably won’t change. You get “set off” by certain people, and in your case, it’s Scorpios. Let’s just hope in your case, the new fellow is different from the ex in the ways that are important/needed to be different.

   That said, I do wish I could somehow pick guys who are both more stable (i.e. don’t magically get over me in 2 days) and can take care of themselves. However, I like them charming (Mars in Leo) and eccentric (Juno in Aquarius), but stable (Sun/Venus/Chiron in Taurus). Gee, which one of those doesn’t go with the other two…. and now you know why I don’t do well.

2. Libra in Love says on 3/27/08 at 9:16 am:
   

   Elsa-

   Thanks for the valuable opinion! I think you are right - I crave certain parts of the scorpio personality and that is what I am attracted to. I would also agree that to a certain degree I am obsessed with my ex - though not in ANY WAY to recreate what we had. The exact opposite actually as I was the one who asked for the divorce. While he did have really good traits about him (and those I can see in my current love) he also had some very bad traits and it is these that I look for constantly to ensure that I don’t see them cropping up in my current love. So far, so very good!!! I am very happy, don’t get me wrong. I guess just fearful that this one will go badly in all the same ways as the last one because they are the same sign.

   Thanks!!

3. goddess says on 3/27/08 at 9:27 am:
   

   this is no one type of scorpio, or one type of anything. it could be you’re pulling in the same energy, or not, you know? the same energy can be played a multitude of ways.

   more important is how you feel about the current guy. is it a “repeat performance” for you, or are there other things there that work for you?

   the question to ask is do you find yourself having the same issues over and over? because when that’s the case, you can bet your behind it’s not in the men, but something in your own makeup you need to address.

4. joana says on 3/27/08 at 10:25 am:
   

   I think it’s difficult to run away from the patterns and people we’re usually attracted to, particularly if we’re not very conscious of why we attract these energies.

   I believe there are important reasons why we end up falling for the same types and I also believe that these reasons are connected to our personal development.

   So perhaps only when we learn the lessons we need to learn from these relationships and are very aware of what happened in these interactions and what we learnt from them…can we move on from the same old patterns.

   Or maybe we never move on, we just have to learn a better way to deal with these types that often cause us trouble.

5. kashmiri says on 3/27/08 at 10:28 am:
   

   I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating the same sign over and over unless it is (a) an abusive exchange (b) it demeans you or diminishes you or the other person in some way (c) it stunts your growth as an individual.

   I like all men, but there are particular types who have a giant pull for me, that’s for sure.

6. Alma says on 3/27/08 at 10:28 am:
   

   Do you think that we draw people who have the same sort of energy or issues we have. For instance, I’m not completely fulfilled in my job, and I always date men who are still struggling to find themselves career-wise. Will I only attract someone with a particular trait once I possess that trait myself?

7. Jennifer says on 3/27/08 at 10:58 am:
   

   Alma: yes.

   I’m not completely fulfilled in my job, and I don’t consider myself a full-on adult (yes, I already HAD my Saturn Return…guess I’m fucked for the next 30 years). And that’s who I get. With the last ex I managed to find a guy who was even more behind in growing up than I was. (To be fair, my parents never wanted a child that was all THAT grown up, and his parents couldn’t figure out adulthood to teach him, so it was the one-eyed leading the blind in that relationship.) The ex before him was piddling his way through grad school- I don’t think he ever finished.

   I am now convinced that unless I am a full-fledged, fully functional, conventional adult, I can’t get a decent guy. Probably true, right?

8. kashmiri says on 3/27/08 at 11:18 am:
   

   Jennifer–really?? Or are you being facetious? I do not fit the bill of conventional adult and I do have a relationship! Don’t sell yourself short (my Cap Moon smells that trap a mile away )
   Personally I think preparing yourself emotionally for love is the most important step to take.
   Take care of your heart!

   And…lots and lots and lots of people are unfulfilled at their work (I’m one of them). But enriching your creative/personal life can certainly help!

9. Alma says on 3/27/08 at 11:26 am:
   

   But kashmiri, how do you prepare yourself emotionally for love? Could you elaborate?

10. kashmiri says on 3/27/08 at 11:33 am:
    

    I guess it’s personal, alma.
    For me personally it was all about honing my instincts. Quickly eliminating time-wasters (guys who whine they don’t know what they want). People who don’t like to have sex. People who speak too poorly about their exes.
    Opening up to people by judging them (and my interactions with them) LESS.

    Accepting my weaknesses I can’t change…changing the ones I can.
    Learning how to move on.

    And the biggest change for me was learning how to make a graceful exit. Not escaping without my dignity…promising myself I would accept when something didn’t work anymore.

    I could go on but I don’t know if any of this resonates with you.

11. kashmiri says on 3/27/08 at 11:33 am:
    

    o and I’m not abandoning the conversation but i’m out the door and off to school. have a great day!

12. kashmiri says on 3/27/08 at 11:35 am:
    

    ack…one last thing. i have many people in my life who ‘don’t know what they want.’ it’s the people who refuse to take PLEASURE in exploring the possibilities that i try to avoid. hope that’s clear!

13. Jerri says on 3/27/08 at 1:06 pm:
    

    I am a scorpio sun with lots of Sadge..Moon,venus and jupiter. I have been married twice. First to another Scorp. That didnt work at all, and we divorced after 18 years together. I wanted to leave after the 11th year, but had a young son. My second husband was a Gemini with Sadge moon also. We had a really good relationship, but he had alot of baggage that he never, ever wanted to deal with. He passed away a year ago, yesterday, of cancer. Before the 1st marriage, and inbetween and after the 2nd, I continually attract Sadges. Almost all fall for me like a ton of bricks, and try to take ownership of me. I then feel suffocated, and just want to get away from them- even though I enjoy their company, and truly like them as people. It’s to the point that if I find someone that’s a Sadge I’m afraid to get romantically involved because I already what know the outcome will be. Oh well- there are alot of other signs out there to try; except for Aquarius…been there done that!!

14. Jennifer says on 3/27/08 at 1:52 pm:
    

    I’m all over the creative life…it just isn’t at all compatible with the sort of job I’d like to have (i.e. stable and has insurance- Taurus again).

    I think the adult thing is true for me. I fit the bare minimum requirements of being an adult (not in jail, not an addict, pays her own bills, stays employed, but that’s it, and I have the same life now that I did in college. Real Stable Adults look at me (I don’t drive and live in California, for example- this is really bad) and think, “God, grow up already.” Even I think that, I just can’t figure out HOW.

    I am definitely not open to love any more, though. Due to ugly family circumstances, I shut down in that area years ago, and I’m really doubtful on whether or not I’ll ever want to turn it back on. I don’t trust myself at all if hormones kick in, since my hormones pick guys who are worse than I am at adulthood.

15. Ana says on 3/27/08 at 4:37 pm:
    

    hmmm…I tend to go for guys with a blend of gemini and cancer, capricorn and scorpio. I like men who are playful and charming…but have a serious side and depth too. I have pretty good radar for picking up on the type too, never fails.

    I think what attracts me is a combination of similarities and opposites. Some common ground to feel unified, but plenty of differences to keep things interesting! I have lots of capricorn/saturn energy and draw in a lot of cancers to compensate. My gemini, cap and mars/pluto tend to like the similarities in these energies I see in myself and others. I think I see these traits as more “positive” and so I can accept similar traits in others. But the cancer energy is a polarity for me and I see its traits as more “negative” and I tend to be attracted to it in a more unconscious way. It’s a love/hate relationship…and it’s always fascinating to me.

16. kashmiri says on 3/27/08 at 4:55 pm:
    

    Jennifer,I totally hear you. I understand that a lot of what I wrote was very subjective. I’m curious though…have you defined for yourself what a real Adult is? Is it emotional?
    Oh, and nice blog! I just put two and two together that that was you!

17. Alma says on 3/27/08 at 5:21 pm:
    

    Kashmiri, what you said resonated with me…thanks for giving me something to think about.

18. spinner says on 3/27/08 at 6:40 pm:
    

    dating the same types over and over…sheeesh that sounds a lot like marriage… it’s no wonder I can’t even get a coffee date, let alone make eye contact…good thing too! hahaha

19. Jennifer says on 3/27/08 at 7:09 pm:
    

    Heh, thanks.

    I think of being an adult as, well…wanting to be everything I currently hate. Wanting to cook and clean and have a family (all things I really dislike- the relatives I have are nuts enough, thanks, and I’m not domestic), wanting to buy a house and remodel it and care about stocks and bonds and my 401k, “settling down” and spending my life worrying about taking care of everyone else. That’s what being a Real Woman is in my (1950’s) family, and I don’t fit in there, or with most women I know. I hate all of the above stuff, but I’m all too well aware that’s what most people want, and that’s how you become an adult. I think I just want to be a kid forever because adults don’t seem like they have any fun.

    Why, yes, I am in therapy…:p

20. spinner says on 3/27/08 at 7:42 pm:
    

    jennifer- maybe being an adult does not have to include any of the things that you have described above.

    perhaps adults would be better off if they learned to be more like a child and laugh and cry and live in the moment.

    perhaps being an adult is realizing what you don’t want to do and living blissfully doing what you like to do.

    i know…it might be helpful if we remembered to take out the garbage once and awhile. but perhaps we could hang around with someone that didn’t mind doing that.

    cheers from, spinner

21. goddess says on 3/28/08 at 7:16 am:
    

    jennifer, i don’t think of that as being an adult at all. i think of that as being a particular type of person. that lifestyle is right for some, sure, but not for everybody.

    i guess to me, being an adult is owning your own issues. doing what you need to do, taking responsibility for yourself, your life, your strengths and weaknesses, and trying to interact with the rest of the world in a kind way. shining light and carrying your own weight.

    very interesting conversation here, folks!

22. goddess says on 3/28/08 at 7:29 am:
    

    it occurred to me after commenting, one of the key concepts of being an “adult” to me is not looking to my family to validate my choices, too.

    a big part of when i feel like i actually “grew up” was when i stopped feeling guilty for not being the person my parents would have choosen for me to be…

23. Alma says on 3/28/08 at 8:38 am:
    

    I was lectured about being an adult the other day. The person said I had to get up in the morning, show up no matter what, clean up after myself, and do what needs to be done. Ok, sure, this was coming from a Cap and involved a fair amount of projection on his part.

    I don’t feel like an adult yet. I support myself, have held my job for 5 years, have no debt, etc., but that doesn’t make me an adult. Maybe I’ll feel like an adult when I finally make a decision to take a pay cut and do exactly what I want careerwise.

24. Lexie says on 3/28/08 at 10:24 am:
    

    I get fiery passionates- Scorpios and Leos. I’d say this is some sort of ill compulsion, but I’m fairly cognisent of the men I choose versus the men I disregard. For one- They turn me on. Power plays in relationships rev up my sex drive, they make life exciting, it shows passion. I realize it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but the way I see it, they have to be someone’s cup of tea or those poor signs would never get married.

    Not to mention I’m pretty fiery myself. When I flame up to other personalities, for the most part, they scream and run. Leos and Scorpios are the ones still standing there, looking at me like I have a booger in my nose.

    And there’s an amount of respect toward someone who can handle me, even at my worst.

25. wyrdling says on 3/29/08 at 10:24 pm:
    

    you could just be looking for a more positive way of bringing a certain energy into your life. at least, that’s one way to do it.

    i say the best bet is to do it yourself but sometimes you need a little help to really get thigns going.

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