After suffering through and then talking through the problem in the gym that was no problem, I decided we were probably not going to have a problem because fact is the soldier is sane. I realized we’d go the gym whenever we did; eventually I would introduce him to people and that would be it. It would all work out but what about the potential of conflict in the locker room?

The soldier told me very distinctly he would confront anyone he heard talking about me and since I know they talk about me in there all the time I thought I’d better figure out how I felt about this so I talked to a pal.

“I don’t know what I am supposed to do about it,” I said. “He’s going to do whatever he wants. It’s the same as always. If he gets in a fight he gets in a fight. It’s been like this always. When we were kids, I mean. There has always been the potential he could get in a fight.”

“Yeah.”

“He hasn’t hit anyone for 8 years or so, maybe 9. But he hasn’t heard anyone talking about me either. I wonder what they say in there. People who tell me there is talk would be happy to tell me but I always beg not to know. I am sure they talk about you body and that’s the last information I need. Even if it were good I would not want to hear it…”

She agreed with me.

“Yeah, so who knows what gets said in there. There is nothing I can do about it so I don’t want to know and here’s the thing: If I don’t worry about what goes on in the men’s locker room, then why should I worry about what goes on in the locker room when the soldier is there? What would be the difference? Why would I have some responsibility or concern what he was doing in there when I routinely ignore everyone else? It’s not my job to control the men’s locker room.”

I went on to explain that not only is the soldier uncontrollable, I was not even sure there was a reason to try. If he were to actually punch someone in there, would it be wrong? Supposedly, yes. It’s illegal isn’t it? Punching someone is called “assault” and you go to jail for it if they press charges…

“He doesn’t care about that,” I explained. “If I told him you’ll go to jail if you hit someone he’d say, been to jail before and I don’t mind going again. He thinks it’s worth it to punch someone he thinks needs punching, so jail is of no consequence to him. Whatever. He’ll go in, he’ll get out, pay his fine, do what he has to do and no big deal. What matters to him is he does what he thinks is the right thing to do as a man…”

This led me to ask myself what is right? Is it right for a man to stand in a locker room and listen to another man talk about his sister? Is it? Should a man stand by while another man talks about his sister’s body?

If you think not, then how do you think the man should handle the situation?

“Please don’t talk about my sister like that.”

“You don’t like it? How about you make me stop…”

Skip to Angela Davis, Jail and The School Marm

What do you think about this? What is a man to do when another man is talking about his sister in a locker room?