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Lost Her Father 21 Years Ago - Seeks Father Figures In Relationship: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
I keep choosing men who are like my father. My dad died 21 years ago. The type I have to be with is an older very social person (last one big drinker). I have attracted so many other men but I won’t give them the time of day. The only good thing is I am very slow at becoming physically intimate with anyone too fast. The last one we dated about six months; it didn’t work out, but we never had sex. Is this normal? Will I just not be happy until I find another father figure?
Virgo Daughter
United States
Dear Virgo,
This is an inordinately interesting question. The short answer is that happiness comes from inside and nothing in the world is going to make you be happy if you are just not happy. Father figure, baby man, orange, yellow, green, pink… none of this is going to come to your aid so on that note, you are barking up the wrong tree. But as to your specific question, no. Finding a father figure is not going to make you happy. It hasn’t worked so far, right?
For 21 years you have been trying to replace your dad and while this is understandable, it is getting you nowhere. The fact is, you are your dad and processing his death is what is going to lead you to happiness.
As for the astrology, you have significant Scorpio and Pluto conjunct your Sun. You have inherited your father… he is right there with you and if you can see this, you can see that looking around outside yourself is not going find you anything. Instead get his picture out and look in the mirror.
Find the features you share with him. Your eyebrows, your mouth, the curl in your hair or whatever it is. Seeeee him in yourself and work to integrate the fact he is always with you because once you do this, you will be in a whole new land and probably much happier. Good luck.
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Dear Virgo,
You don’t say specifically, but was your dad an alcoholic? or addict? Was he “absent”, did he withhold love? Then I would say that your issue sounds like co-dependency. And the need to recreate the past over and over again so that you might find a way to resolve it. If so, the question is, how to release the past, integrate the past, forgive where needed (him and yourself, your ancestors et al), stop the cycle that has probably been going on for generations, create a totally new paridigm for yourself. This is easier said than done, I’ve been there. But there are ways, many healing techniques out there you can do yourself, that work with time and patience. Just remember that you are worthy and deserving of being happy and in love with yourself first and foremost, and then being able to decide if the next guy you meet is worthy of your greatness.
That’s an interesting topic, I’ve got Sun conjunct Pluto myself and was always looking for my dad until I almost died and realized that Pluto was my own and quite powerful. Pluto brings an initial distortion about who we really are, so it’s really important to take this power from the father figure and own it yourself. Once you incorporate this to your personality, you will find the right partner too. Elsa said it very right “you are your father”, and I can tell you from my experience, the right partner for a women with power is NOT her dad.
Elsa recommended a book a time ago “Healing Pluto Problems” from Donna Cunningham, it’s an excellent book and it may help you too.