Losing Friends During A Pluto Transit Through The 11th House
Astrology in real life
Transiting Pluto is now firmly in my twelfth house and it occurred to me a couple days ago I have hardly any friends left post it’s transit of my eleventh. Pluto is such a slow moving planet it is hard to assimilate or track its effects as it moves through a house in your chart. This is a 10 year transit, give or take but for a moment there I had a glimpse or some awareness of what had gone on so I thought I’m mark it for Google purposes. If someone plugs in “Pluto transit the eleventh”, this will come up.
The first wave of friends dropped off when I had a baby. It’s common when you transition from “no kids” to parenthood, all your friends with no children disappear and it’s easy to see why. You become consumed with your baby and your childless friends can just not relate. You are also tired and you are busy and all the things that interested you before seem less important and so a separation occurs.
In my case, my best friend at the time had an abortion right as I was having a baby and she just didn’t want to be around me after that. We had taken these different paths and she just didn’t want to see me with my baby.
Time passed and more friends fell but I simultaneously made new friends, and the new friends were powerful across the board in one way or the other and healing to me. I forged what I thought was going to be lifelong friendships as I am prone to have but in this last year as Pluto wrapped up in my eleventh house I watched I near horror as one friend after another took an off ramp.
Now I could see even in the midst of this how I would benefit from this. Sounds hard to believe that I could be losing friends left and right… suffering epic betrayals and still see how this would come out okay in the end but I am just like that.
Some of these relationships were decades old so it was like being betrayed by one of your organs or something. Whoops! There goes a kidney, but what are you going to do? If your kidney goes south, it goes south. It has got to be removed from the body or else so you really learn to let go, at least I did. Eventually I threw open all the windows and all the doors so if they could go they could all go together understanding I would not lose anything I could not do without.
I will come back with another angle on this but meantime - have you ever suffered a wipe out like this? How did you cope?
37 Responses to “Losing Friends During A Pluto Transit Through The 11th House”
Me too! Pluto is wreaking havoc. I have no friends! They’ve all dropped off the face of the planet. I would probably feel more horrible about it if I didn’t know anything about astrology and Pluto and the 11th house. It’s really been helpful to know it’s not permanent.
My friendships disappeared when Pluto transited my 11th, and as for coping it’s difficult to pinpoint what I did to cope.
Pluto entered my 12th House when I was 18 and embarking upon true adulthood, so my take on it is defined by age…
I found being a teenager excruciatingly painful, and knowing I had Pluto in the 11th for much of it helps me not to cringe so much when I look back.
Now past the wondering why my numbers of friends were thinning out, the transformation of house 11 is almost complete. I have one who is hanging on, but am ready to let them go if they so choose. A very thorough process creating a different pair of glasses to filter future friendships. Superficial (though good for entertainment)will not be acceptable as part of my inner circle. If they are not “on a path,” they no longer appear as blips on my radar… A very powerful process that has forced me to become more selective for sure! I am grateful.
To those who are just beginning the pluto/11th journey, know that it is for the best in the long run.
Truth is Elsa P, that you do have friends, but we’re all out here in happy Internet land and are as busy maintaining our sites as you are maintaining yours. Those are the sort of friends that Pluto thru the Eleventh brings you in the end.
With 24/7 updates and so much effort, your old regular world friends are not the focus of your attention anymore, so by checking for them you’re just looking in the wrong place that’s all.
But friends you have plenty and I’m one of them. Talk to me anytime…
I think you’re great and so do many others I’m sure.
;o)
Paul
I went and checked the time period when Pluto was transited my 11th House and now realize why it seemed I was always moving on, leaving friends behind. In fact, there are very, very few people I met during that time period whom I still see occasionally in passing. I am amazed by those whose friendships last for many, many years. My dad & his best friend from childhood remain friends to this day!
Pluto’s lessons in detachment have stayed with me and I am still wary of expectations in any way, shape or form when it comes to other people.
same here, pluto transiting my 11th, but as an airy gemini, always have people entering and exiting my life. what i HAVE noticed is that a lot of my work now concerns community issues…more outwardly driven and general. (also have pluto conj chiron right now in the 11th, was dreading it, but with the exception of my on-again-off-again man friend taking off –again– it’s been all good…)
I have to admit I’m kinda envious here, because at least the transit passes — I have Pluto in the 11th natally, and it’s been a lifelong painful issue for me, what with usually having very few friends, and then those I become close with abruptly disappearing, being scapegoated by groups of peers, carrying the shadow…not fun. I think I’m starting to finally find a few useful parts of this placement, but it’s been one of my more difficult processes. I wish I could do this transit for 10 years and then it be over with.
Pluto has just left my 11th house, and while it’s true that hardly any of the friends I had ten years ago are still my friends today (I moved a thousand miles away from them), the friends I’ve made in the past five years are all still around. So no wipe out to speak of.
Pluto is on it’s way to my 11th house, but not for a bit, and I am so glad to know this though. I think maybe it’s starting a bit early for me because I have spent the whole week crying about it, and I won’t anymore. Sometimes old shit just doesn’t work anymore.
It is really reassuring because I’ve been at my wits end wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Ohh Pluto, you’re like an old friend now yourself.
wow ditto for me as well, elsa et al above. i’ve been reading your blog for about 2 yrs now as well as posting occasionally..for sometime i have begun to suspect that that i have a similar house/rising sign setup as elsa alludes to and this posting nailed it..over the last ten or 11 yrs, starting with me leaving my fiance (the guy i had been with for almost 10 yrs prior & it turns out his occurred around the same time as my first saturn return, so started the rolling over of so many people i thought would be in my life for the long haul…at around the same time as that is when i started to explore astrology in more than just a supericial manner…its been ten years hence & what a emotional rollercoaster its been - the betrayals, the seeing through to the hidden agendas of so many & the unearthening of falsehoods - both my own and others…and now that pluto is at the very end of my 11th house i have indeed come to a point where i can indeed see that i have lost many friends & how that was needed in order to make room for the ones to come! those more in line with the path that pluto has plowed for me to follow - my intuitions are guiding my actions as never before and the friends that come in and the few that remain are there to help resonant with my intentions to keep along this new route…taking up astrology and trusting in developing & using the esoteric knowledge needed to understand its ’signposts’, has been of enormous benefit..most i can see dont get it but having pluto transit over & through your midheaven and well into the house of friends & aspirations will do that - if you are lucky enough to be open to it! and thats key isnt it? being open and not fight it…u’ll be left with less that will eventually & profoundly yield more. i am still learning and am in awe of much of the artful insightfuls provided with a study of astrology.
Elsa, my dear, you have friends in “High Places”! How fair would that be for you to have earthly friends as well? ; )
It is tough to have a Pluto transit to the 11th because friends appear to be such a valuable commodity in a society based on “networks” and the like. I think their value way over rated and I am not saying this just because I am like L. in that I have Pluto living in my 11th House.
Personally, I like Pluto and Uranus setting up house here. I’ve been afforded the opportunity to meet some unique and powerful people as well as learn to be my own best friend.
It could not have worked out better.
saturn through the eleventh left me pretty isolated, but it also taught me to value the friendships i had, even if distant.
grandpa died shortly after pluto moved into the fourth, and i’m afraid grandma’s going to leave before it’s done. that will make it really hard for their ranch (the center of my idea of home) to feel the same for me.
but we’ll see.
i’ll have to see if i can pick out the effects of him moving through the third and second (my natal placement.) though we stopped being poor after pluto went into the third, so i can see that effect. in my case natal pluto has led to a certain sort of “poverty consciousness” that i’ve been working at clearing for a bit. (my sister says “the universe just doesn’t seem to want you to have money” but i think it’s me.)
Yep, Pluto went through my 11th house right through my teenage years. They weren’t much fun. Many friends dropped off the face of the earth toward the end of the period, but seem to be coming back now during this Mercury transit through Aquarius via Facebook! Strange experience I’m still trying to process.
Seems like Pluto affects communication and relationships when it moves into the air houses.
Pluto just went into my 9th house, so I won’t experience this transit for a long time. However…just as I entered my teen years, Pluto went into my 7th house, and remained there until I was well into my 20s. Talk about isolating. Not only that, Pluto started squaring my Sun when I entered college. Those were painful and sometimes lonely years for me–though I did make friends who were “keepers”. I didn’t realize it at the time, but the vibes I was giving off were way too intense for a lot of people to handle. People who just wanted to have fun didn’t want to deal with someone who was in the middle of painfully transforming right before their eyes.
Our culture doesn’t seem to know what to do with inwardly-focused people and feelings. Which leads me to believe that a lot of people don’t know how to handle these Pluto transits. They need to come here! 
I had Pluto in the 11th all through my childhood. That was the most horrible experience, I felt so isolated and alone. I could not wait to grow up. Thankfully, I had Pluto transiting Scorpio through my teens and early twenties, so I made up for it by massive partying. Boy, did I get laid!
I keep looking behind me to see who it is that everyone keeps callin’ “sweet”…but I’m not finding them?…. Could it be my shadow that is “sweet”?
I am not sweet, Elsa, but rather just honest. I chuckle at the thought of anyone mistaking me for sweet. : )
Love your candor. Love your wisdom. Love you!
I don’t know enough about my chart or the way to interpret it, but from what I’ve read here, I can see that the events of the past eight years must have been influenced by a Pluto-Saturn placement. First my husband of 23 years, then long-time friends and even relatives betrayed and abandoned, one after the other. Shell-shocked I decided it was all my own fault (didn’t know anything about Pluto then) and forced myself to look in the mirror and make some changes. Now I see it was not all my fault, but am reaping the benefits of being forced to get honest, and like others have said here, I am now my own best friend and I certainly like myself better. Very difficult, painful and lonely, but very worthwhile and productive! Thank you, Elsa, and all the other posters, for this most valuable discussion.
Bravo, peppermint! It takes a really loving individual to fix themselves so that others may enjoy sharing their field of energy.
You did something that only a few are willing to do. That is an acheivement that warrants a degree!
Wouldn’t that be the coolest thing if all that was required in life was to have a degree in becoming human then we could get on with the business of reaping the rewards of this monumnetal acheivemnet?
I like people who do their homework… 
Bravo, peppermint! It takes a really loving individual to fix themselves so that others may enjoy sharing their field of energy.
You did something that only a few are willing to do. That is an acheivement that warrants a degree!
Wouldn’t that be the coolest thing if all that was required in life was to have a degree in becoming human then we could get on with the business of reaping the rewards of this monumnetal acheivement?
I like people who do their homework…
Jamie:
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. Yes, this world would be a much better place if we all were focused on getting our degree in becoming human - so much better. With folks like you to cheer and encourage and spread the joy around - that would be the best!
Thanks again for your sunshiney words.
Sorry you had to read it twice, though, peppermint. Don’t know what happened?
No, no! It’s all about you! If truth be told it is the act of fixing oneself that encourages love to flourish and the sun to perpetually shine.
You are most deserved of praise….plus I’m very partial to anyone who has the name peppermint ,
as in Peppermint Patty.
Hi all,
I am having pluto transiting my 11th house and yes I a losing my friends but more so because of myself. I simply have no wish to see any of them.
I lost a lot of friends over the past 2 years but if was the Uranus transit not the Pluto one [which I will not have this lifetime] Pluto is more final so I am hoping they may come back later when Uranus has gone……..they are also acting weirdly…. My friend with Pluto in 11th natally says everyone she ever knows goes away one way or another I am one of her oldest friends but I am a Plutonian type {Sun conj Pluto] so they are maybe the ones you keep or meet My daughter had 11th house P transit as a teenager and she got close to two girls whose dads abused them altho she had no background of this……
Thank you so much for this post. I didn’t make the connection to relationships and Pluto until reading everything you’ve all written here.
I had a great time with Pluto in my 11th; I connected with very conscious groups and it helped shape me into who I am today.
I left a great deal of that in the past 6-7 years with pluto in my 12th house, and I noticed that friends are around but I don’t sense them closely because I am so inwardly focused. I’m approaching a Pluto conjunction to my ascendant and moon pretty soon, and feel like the ride is not over yet…
I think while facing these challenges, studying astrology and approaching this work with the intention of it ultimately being therapeutic and cathartic and “for my highest good” is the key and saving grace. WHEWWWW!
for those who feel friendless: I consider this shared ‘Awareness’ a friend to us all and which connects us all. Be well.
I know this is an old blog, but I have to just get this out!:
I thought I was the only one going through this! I find myself saying that a lot on this board! Pluto went through my 11th during my teens and early 20s and I don’t have the friends from those days anymore and that is a good thing. I had one of those toxic friend groups where all we did was put each other down either with sarcasm, backhanded compliments or just flat out rudeness and immaturity. I am grateful that I split from them because I have learned so much about myself. I learned that I am naturally an optimist, affectionate and a “yay!” person so the sarcastic, mean girl schtick didn’t suit me. I now know that better off with having many acquaintances with stronger personalities instead of a group of people who will use your weaknesses or secrets against you, to make themselves feel better. This has been hard, especially since I have Neptune in the 11th natally so it is hard to tell the true from the imposters to begin with. However, because of this transit, I learned to keep it light, positive and upbeat with my acquantances - not everyone has to be attached to my hip!
Here i am, picking up old threads again. This is a good one. I don’t know when Pluto transited my 11th house, but I can tell you the friends have been dropping out, exiting left and right during the last decade; and I know the ones who aren’t here are the ones that no longer support my quirky life. The picture of the kidney/organ no longer functioning strikes at a very visceral level, Elsa. Organic loss. Okay!
How do you look for when Pluto transits(transited) the 11th house?
I’ve cleaned house of so called “friends,” (backbiting, two faced, agenda saturated assholes.)
I didn’t chalk it up to transiting Pluto in the 11th. My Natal chart has nothing in the houses past the 6th house so 7/8/9/10/11/12 zippo, nothing. I would like to meet some new people but I’m so gun shy after what I’ve encountered the last 9 years, that when I meet someone I’d like to be friends with, I ask myself: how long is this going to last and how badly will it end? I’m a great friend but I find people end up being jealous of me for some reason. WOmen have major problems with me right off the bat, I don’t even have to open my mouth - all i need to do is show up. WOmen are horrible to each other! And women need other women the most. Why is this?
I have a grand cross with saturn in the 11th, opposite mercury in the 5th, square pluto/jupiter in the 8th, and square moon in 2nd. So every 7 years I loose my major relationship. First it was my childhood friend to a move, my high school boyfriend to a girlfriend, then a baby, then my husband, then my best friend, then my boyfriend, and then my second husband. Luckily, I’m only 53 and saturn just took a slow move through Virgo, so I’ve got a few years to go before this happens again, I hope.
I have to tell you that I wonder, when I begin a relationship, how long I have before the expiration date when saturn hits another arm of the cross.
hey, guys i am new to astrology, done my chart and i have neptune in 11th, just finished a pluto transit over my 11th,plus going through my saturn return, felt an incredible loneliness and all your comments ring so true to me, i am literally crying my heart out as i write this, cause i did not know this whole dynamic and it all makes sense now. Downtomars i can totally relate to that whole “hard to tell the true from the imposters”, after my so called friends after a lot of drama all vanished somehow (pluto conjunct neptune - boy did i feel the reality check about the illusion i had of my friends ) and even now when some new people are coming into my life (again people who are very Neptuny) i approach and view the whole friendship thing differently, I am just not comfortable and i am very hesitant, it just feels like i’m gonna fool myself again, except that this time i’m aware of it.
If one could die of a bout of loneliness, I would have been gone long ago. Well if I could get something positive out of Pluto transiting the 11th house I would have to surmise this: develop and use your intuition when it comes to making friends. Try and be as self sufficient as possible. But really, the most important security measure you can have is that little voice, your gut feeling.
You can learn so much about who you are and what you’re made of when you are totally alone. You might be physically alone but there are a host of unseen friends always around you. Know that you are never totally alone. A better world is coming.
That remark about your being inner focussed helps me understand why mu daughter is so distant at the moment It is a bit of a relief to know why Pluto just got to her 12th house……..
In this fast paced ever changing world you can almost see how people come and go in one’s life. We go thru stages on many levels and I think friends reflect that. It is probably when you reach a certain level of maturity and self awareness that the friends you make are of a better quality. I think it’s important to have friends, REAL friends, the kind you can call at 3 a.m. for any situation. Friends that are akin to your spiritual alignment. There can be so much drama, focus on agenda and exploitation in friendship these days. No doubt, the Art of Friendship is going thru a transformation. People are really going to understand what friendship is. But I believe a better world awaits when it will be easier to have good and positive friends.
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Hi Elsa, I have currently the transit of Pluto going through my 11th house and I can definitely relate to what you said. It is so true.