Open Question: She’s 17 And Uncomfortable With Attention From Her (Married) Male Teacher

12 Responses to “Open Question: She’s 17 And Uncomfortable With Attention From Her (Married) Male Teacher”

1. SaDiablo says on 1/29/08 at 6:35 pm:
   

   Okay, I’m just a novice here so take this with a grain of salt:

   The thing that stands out for me here is your Saturn-Mercury trine. Although you might be afraid (Saturn) to speak out (Mercury), you can also consider it a responsibility (Saturn) on your part. Because if he did happen to take advantage of another girl because of your silence, that wouldn’t be fair (Libra sun). Would it? And with Mercury in Virgo you can be precise with your words while Saturn gives them “weight.”
   One caveat, though. Before you make your decision, look around and make sure this isn’t just his way with everyone (if you haven’t already). Although I don’t know if you have this problem or not, some people are just weirded out by eye contact. If he is paying particular attention to you then trust your instincts and say something. Please.

   Keep us posted and good luck!

2. june says on 1/29/08 at 8:30 pm:
   

   I had a situation like that happen before (nothing happened, but the teacher was creeping me out), and what worked for me was more passive - changing my attitude in class and in relation to the teacher. Nasal pretentiousness and sarcasm works wonders with people who won’t go away. Guys who pick off younger girls, in my experience, see them as weak and stupid or naive (because that’s how they feel about themselves). So, act like a bitch. Act like everyone is beneath you, especially him. If he looks at you, ignore him. If you have to talk to him, talk low with strength and undeniable certainty in what you say - two word replies are best. As a student, it isn’t your “job” to be liked by your instructors. And, naturally, make an effort to never be the first one in the door or the last one out. Also, like elsa and sadiablo said, it’s a good idea to tell someone about it, even if it’s just a couple of friends.

3. Mari says on 1/29/08 at 9:29 pm:
   

   I’d say your intuition is speaking to you. This is inappropriate behaviour from an elder. On the other hand, he may be socially inept and have no clue as to how he comes across. Or he may be a sociopath, or as we used to call em, dirty old man… Are you ok with confronting him and telling him to back off or you’ll go to higher authorities and get out of his class? I know at that age, I wouldn’t have had the courage and/or the platform of support to do this (I had a Chemistry teacher, used to blatently stare up close at my chest, I had girlfriends I could laugh it off with and agree with me about his grossness). Maybe ask a few friends in class for feedback on this, as to how he is coming across. Or maybe you can just play flip and tell him that you’ve asked so and so’s in your class to watch and see if he is staring at you a lot or if it’s just your imagination. And/or talk to a teacher, conselor, teacher’s aide you trust, and ask them to talk to him, (and they all hang out in the lounge and word Will get around.) Like I said, He might be oblivious as to how he is acting, and it may actually have nothing to do with you, so you have to be careful of treading on people’s reputations. (Like sometimes I find myself staring at someone, can’t take my eyes off them because they look like someone or embody another spirit I’ve known, and then I realize I’M acting almost inappropriately)
   So onward! courage with compassion

4. Ana says on 1/29/08 at 9:51 pm:
   

   But what if she is wrong or delusional? She is just 17. What if the whole situation is her wild teen imagination? Elsa, have you considered that possibility?

5. Ana says on 1/29/08 at 9:57 pm:
   

   Additionally, I just looked at her chart - Mercury is in exact square with Neptune, that’s may be an answer. It sounded strange because he’s recently married…

6. Jessica says on 1/29/08 at 10:03 pm:
   

   In response to Ana, I would say that her Mercury square Neptune might help her attract a difficult-to-communicate situation like this, but not cause her delusion…. she has Moon in 1st and she can’t be THAT far off about the emotional elements involved here….Dear “Student”, in this kind of situation you are never going to find solid, unshakeable ground so go purely on your instincts and TRUST them! If it feels wrong, it is wrong!

7. Ana says on 1/29/08 at 10:03 pm:
   

   Sorry, I meant Mars in Libra not Mercury(transiting Mercury retrograde speaks).

8. Elsa says on 1/29/08 at 10:04 pm:
   

   Ana, yes. If she is imagining something and tells the teacher his glances bother her, (directly or otherwise) then he can just quit glancing and it will fall away. I asked myself what would an innocent man do and that is what an innocent man would do. Stop directing his attention on a young girl once he knew it made her uncomfortable.

   There was a teacher with too much attention on one of my kids once. I told them about it… my kid was uncomfortable and they stopped it immediately.

   In this case the teacher was NOT malicious just enamored with my kid and very distressed harm had been done by the constant fawning.

   Good teachers do not want to harm kids. This girl is distressed so this teacher has to find out about it so she can go to class without this burden.

   Also… you may know my friend Ben has taught in the public school system for 25 years and has seen this happen from time to time. Some kids really want to fly under the wire and he also tells me stories like this. If a a kid is bothered the teacher just pays less attention and that’s that. Problem solved. But the problem has got to be exposed for it to be solved one way or the other.

9. Ana says on 1/29/08 at 10:11 pm:
   

   Jessica, her moon might be in Pisces and not in the 1st house. We don’t know the exact time of birth. Some people consider 3 pm as an evening.

10. Ana says on 1/29/08 at 10:19 pm:
    

    Elsa, I hear you. You probably right, I don’t have kids, so I don’t know all the possibilities in this kind of situation. I personally would never confront anyone without proven facts, my feelings is my problem, not somebody else’s problems…

11. jamie says on 1/30/08 at 8:44 am:
    

    “17″……..LOOSE the external chatter. YOUR feelings are ALL that matters in a situation like this. If you are uncomfortable tell him. Say something like, ” If you don’t stop staring at me I’m going to tell your superiors. Capiche?”
    Don’t EVEN smile when you are saying it as it will only make him believe that you did not mean it.

    It appears Neptune rules your chart so it does not surprise me that you are afraid to define YOUR boundaries. It does not matter one iota that someone else could very well find this kind of attention benign or even welcome.
    All that matters is that YOU do not like and it needs to stop.

    Really, I’m appalled that some of you here think that she is delusional. Even if she is/was/will be the fact remains that she does not like him to l-o-o-k at her in a “knowing” way and this is a RED flag….and don’t even say that his attention is innocent. Have you seen our society?

    We (sisters)really need to start taking up for each other more in this male dominated world. She’s got enough on her plate just with living in these subversive times where the female image is distorted beyond perversion. Cut her some slack and assist her in her need to set HER boundaries.
    Sheesh!

12. silverfoot says on 2/1/08 at 11:53 pm:
    

    there are definitely predators, but sometimes the attention *is* innocent - i had a teacher that made me uncomfortable, because of how he looked at me and how he singled me out for attention, and i talked to my parents about it, and it turned out he was gay - he was interested in me because he found me an interesting person, not because he was sexually attracted to me. misunderstandings happen. this is not to take away from Student’s need for appropriate boundaries, however.

    talk! to! your! ombudsperson! often they have them on school campuses, and if they don’t, a counsellor is a good second bet. typically, they will only take the issue as far as you want them to - if that’s a ‘talking to’ from a supervisor, or a formal complaint leading to legal action in more extreme cases, so be it. but your counsellor is bound by confidentiality, so the complaint doesn’t even need to be attached to *you* if you’re worried that’s going to be a problem.

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