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Imbalance In Relationship: When One Person Loves The Other Person More Than They Are Loved In Return
Astrology in real life
“Someone told me once that in every relationship one person loves the other person more than they are loved and whoever loves the other person less winds up leaving. Do you think that’s true, P?”
“No, I don’t think that’s true. It’s true in some cases but definitely not true in all. There is such a thing as two people who are equally committed and devoted to each other and the relationship. You do see this in the world.”
“Yeah.”
“But I heard this same thing another way. What I heard is that one person always loved the other person more than they were loved and you ought to make sure you are the one who loves the least. So you don’t get hurt, I guess.”
“Uh huh.”
“But I don’t agree with this. I think whoever loves the most is way, way, far better off. For example, I would say I loved the AMF more than he loved me. I don’t know this for sure, I mean how can you know something like that? I don’t know what was in him exactly but if I did love him more than he loved me, I think the reason is because I just have gobs of love. He loved me the best he could. He loved me all he had but I just happen to have a freakish amount of love.”
“You do.”
“Yeah. So I have this love that is limitless (Venus Neptune) where he was in a different circumstance (Venus Saturn). So while I loved him more than he loved me, what difference does it make? How am I harmed?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well I don’t think I was harmed at all. I figure the more love you have to give, the more love you feel, the better off you are. I don’t see how I could be convinced that I would be better off loving less. So this is my position, though I realize it may not be practical for others.”
What have you heard about imbalance of love in relationship and how do you feel about it?
19 Responses to “Imbalance In Relationship: When One Person Loves The Other Person More Than They Are Loved In Return”
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I agree Elsa. If you love from the full capacity of your heart, whether the other person does or not, at least you know that you never held back. How can you be displeased with a relationship when it continues or ends when you know you loved with everything that YOU had?
The rest is out of your control.
I agree. After many years I think I have finally come to understand that true love has to be given without strings. If you can truly love someone with no expectation of return you will strive to make the other person happy. There will be other interactions in the relationship, of course, and this doesn’t mean you will never disagree, but the undercurrent of true love is unselfish love and that is a rare commodity in this world.
I have seen r’ships that are imbalanced this way and been in them too. But i dont stay in them whether its me loving more or the other. I need it to be equal or it feels wrong. I love you but if you cant love me back i’d rather release you to find another who does float your boat and then i can too (jupiter in 7th ensures i’m never lonely and gives me faith in r’ship). And if my feelings have wained then i cant stay either cos i’m wasting your time.
maybe it’s the combo of venus in leo (i need to be a ‘one and only’) and moon in scorpio (adding to intensity of feelings), but if i’m in a situation where my s.o. seems ‘lukewarm’ in comparison to my ‘passion’ — i’ll ditch because of their ‘disloyalty’…
I thought someone always loved more, but that’s ridiculous - how does one measure that? And is that even relevant?
I believe that the two people may have different roles in the functioning of the relationship…but to make it work, the commitment must be the same and the input that each one applies must be balanced.
it never would have occured to me to try to score it that way. when i love, i just love. the real harm to yourself would come in if you tried to ration it out, because you can’t do that without killing off the abililty to honestly feel everything inside.
even if you love more than someone else loves back, so what? loving someone else doesn’t diminish you. it expands you, regardless of what they get out of it.
oh-venus in scorpio….
It’s funny. I was just talking to a friend saturday about this. He believed in what that person told you. His poor pisces moon loves someone who doesn’t feel the same. =(
I’ve experienced this imbalance. I love intensely, and when I’m committed, I really let go. Some people like you said Elsa aren’t as capable, but they do love in their own way. Love is love and feels good to be loved in return, regardless.
Hm. I kinda see both sides (says Libra Venus).
I have been the one who loves less, though, and I always made it a point to let the person know. “Hey, I’m not fully committed to this thing, so if there’s someone else you want - go for it! Just let me know beforehand.”
There are relationships that are unbalanced like this and they implode, but there are also relationships like this that are stable for years and years. And I also believe that for any relationship, even a stable, loving, giving one, there are going to be times when one partner loves the other more at a given moment. It’s life, and individuals, and both change almost constantly. *shrug*
But would I stay in a relationship where I was the one who constantly loved more? With Venus, Mars, and Pluto conjunct, hell no! I’m no martyr.
I’m Venus square Neptune so it seems like I’m *always* the one who loves more… but just like you, I feel like I have tons and tons and tons of love to give, and how does it hurt me to give it? It gives me so much pleasure just to love.
My mother used to tell me to marry someone who loves you more than you love them - makes me wonder.
I have heard that the one who loves less has all the power in a relationship.
I once loved a guy more than he loved me. Maybe I’m just not very evolved in this arena, but it hurt like hell when he left without a backward look.
How do you quantify love? There are so many ways of showing it. And everybody expresses it differently. So I find it hard to answer this question.
But there can be an imbalance of attention or energy or focus, as well, which is easier to notice.
Sometimes the person who “loves the most” is the one who leaves, too. Rather than get used up.
I have a friend who loves someone more than he loves her. He’s extremely rational, (they both believe in rational self interest/selfishness) even loving his work (Virgo) more than he loves her. And she, Scorpio, takes a while to care a lot about people and the fact that she loves him so much is a big deal. It kind of sucks.
I think saying someone loves more than the other is odd….no one loves in the same way. E.V.E.R.
I love my kids but I love them different. I love them different because they are different people just as the love that goes out of me is different so is that love that comes back to me.
For the intesity that I have the capacity to love…I don’t love enough. But my level of love even in the smallest bit is more intense than someone that doesn’t have the same heart.
My history from teenaged/20s years was being the person who was ‘loved less.’ I had multiple partners say what one said directly: ‘You knew you’d love me more.’ I was always emotionally struggling to get more and get what I thought I deserved.
It is hard to quantify emotions, but basically the less/more idea is brought into play with the lack of choices in the lexicon. And I do believe it exists, but people stay involved from fear and weird obligations.
I can see from my 20/20 vision that I was forceful in love with the wrong people (Venus in Aries).
Hm, Venus/Neptune trine. Don’t mind me, I maybe delusional.
You can’t put love in a jar. I think it either exists or it doesn’t. I see love as a verb rather than a noun. Your love is as much as you are capable or else it’s perhaps not love. Perhaps the expression of love is what is being weighed up here. I think it might hurt if you are trying to judge whether you love someone more or less than they do. I just love to the best of my ability. I used to hold back when I was younger and afraid. I realised what always hurt was that I hadn’t given my best, no matter whether I left or he left.
I think Joh is right about love being a verb rather than a noun… at least, you have to “do” the verb (make some love) before you get the product (love).
And I think when people don’t understand that concept, you end up with a struggle for “who gets more,” whereas when you have two self-aware people who understand how to make a relationship work & survive, you have more verb to go around.