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Gay Man In Long Term Relationship Wonders If He Should Cut Losses With His Inattentive Partner: Astrology-Based Advice
Hi Elsa,
I have been dating a guy for 3 years and we just split up last week. Since meeting, we clicked from day one and have been great the whole time. The problem is that from my point of view, he never puts in enough effort into the relationship and any time we do anything special it’s because I arrange it. Weekends away, movies, dinner, holidays, even going to the beach! For the first 2 years he was clueless enough to forget birthdays, Valentine’s day and even recently asked what date our anniversary is on (coming up next month). It’s on the 15th, the same day of the month as my birthday.
I am guilty of putting him down which I regret doing and I know he doesn’t deserve that but little things he does frustrate me and I told him I needed space and that was it. I know he loves me, and I love him, but I just don’t know if I’m expecting too much or if I really am just asking for a little more respect and caring in the relationship. I know we could get back together, but have agreed not to communicate and give each other space for a few weeks. Move on or go back???
Gay Man
Australia
Dear Man,
This is a great question and while I can’t make a decision for you, I am happy to offer my opinion - and in my opinion you should definitely go back. Go back because you love him and he loves you and this is not all that easy to find.
As to whether you are asking for too much, well you are not. But you asking him to give you something that does not come easy for him and making yourself miserable in the process. In other words you are focusing on the lack, which while it may be real becomes insignificant if you opt to refocus.
The idea of refocusing on the positive goes without saying but you can go much further if you like. You can opt to raise the bar on yourself around what kind of lover you are - and rather than looking to how he can improve, make yourself better than ever.
Make yourself better than ever by being the kind of lover who does not ride their partner’s ass all the time and you will be in demand and loved like never before. And oddly enough, when your partner perceives your higher value, he is very like to start hitting up those birthdays which he knows damned well are important to you… before someone else decides to do it for him. So this is my advice:
Get off his ass, get on your own, watch the result and marvel. And the astrology?
You have hard aspects from Saturn which does give a tendency towards seeing the glass as half-empty. Thing is you can turn this around with work and I promise that if you do, you will see everything in your life improve.
Good luck.
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hoooooooly cow that is good advice. Both my SO and I have a 7th House Saturn (house of partnerships and relationships).
Our relationship improved hugely when we decided to ‘get off each others’ asses.’
It takes some teeth grinding, but it can be done!
lol, this sounds a lot like me and my bf. I used to do most of the work, and he would just sit back and receive it. I think Elsa is right about getting off your partner’s ass - when you stop the criticism it gives the other space. He’ll start to notice all the ways he’s coming up short because you won’t be there to do everything. If he wants you he’ll have to start doing something already. Also, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, criticism doesn’t work. It just causes the other person to feel inadequate and ruins their motivation to work harder. However, distance is remarkably effective. Stop doing so much and let him make the next move. If he cares enough, he will muster up the courage to do something, otherwise things will naturally come to an end. Besides, aren’t you worth working hard for? Anyone who cares enough to do the things you’ve done for him is worth keeping, don’t you think? he needs to learn to deserve you, so let him.