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What’s The Deal With Scorpio Freezing You Out, Or Amputating? What Is Their Motivation?
Astrology in real life…
Selkie writes on the Triple Pisces blog, regarding the stereotypes of the various signs…
“…lots of Scorpios are harsh people who actually greatly enjoy judging others (even people they’ve never even met or talked to); insist on playing seemingly inexplicable games with people for years on end; take pleasure in seeing “certain” (or “certain sorts of”) people punished, and in freezing out the “unworthy,” and who are stubborn to the point of harming both themselves and others - even the people closest to them.”
The comment is out of context so check the rest if it offends you but I wanted to address the phenomena of Scorpio freezing people out because it definitely happens and it’s never been addressed on this blog.
I have been frozen out by a Scorpio and though I am not a Scorpio, I have enough in the eighth house I can do a pretty mean impression and I have learned to freeze people out myself. The act is act but I would argue the motivation.
Though games are played and Scorpio withholds to manipulate and so forth, most times when Scorpio freezes someone out… amputates I would say, it is almost always an act of self-preservation. I learned this the hard way, which is probably the best way and here’s the story:
Some years ago I had a Scorpio pal; we were friends, not lovers. He was super-educated and very generous with me. He shared his knowledge, told me jokes, listened to me, kept me cheered and just in general supported me in many, many ways. He was an outstanding friend and while I always appreciated him, I taxed him greatly. I was far more immature at the time. I was very high maintenance and I just didn’t seem to be able to understand his agony although it was expressed.
See, he was Jupiter rising like I am and people think we’re buoyant to the core when this is simply not the case.
But anyway, he told me and told me and told me that he was suffering but I just kept coming. I cringe when I write this but whatever. This is what I did and eventually he pulled the plug.
And he didn’t just pull the plug, either. He wrote me a passionate letter to let me know he had thought long and hard about what he was going to do. He said he had been up nights tossing but felt he had no choice but to let me pass… he just could not deal with me.
He apologized though there was not one reason why he should have, other than I am sure he knew I was going to feel pain due the separation. And he said nothing at all derogatory. He simply stated his truth. He was in a lot of pain and he felt he needed to isolate himself so he could work things through.
That was almost 15 years ago. It still hurts when I think of him but I have really come to understand his position. You can be a kind, generous person and he was. He was mentor type and I know he liked me and valued the interaction as much as I did at one time but I was killing him. I was pretty much his entire inner circle, and while it was not my intention, I was sucking the life right out of the guy. In hindsight I would say I was freakishly greedy and insensitive. In short, this was a friend I deserved to lose.
I have since learned to consciously amputate myself and when I do I always recall the example this guy set. I make sure there is no other option for one thing because while I know the other person is going to bleed, I think it comes back on you twice as hard. In other words, though I don’t know, I am pretty sure his pain was beyond mine.
Speaking for myself, it’s so painful when this happens in my life I don’t ever want to reattach to anyone who has pushed me to this edge. I just don’t trust them which is the same thing that happened with my friend. I know because I rattled his cage now and then for a number of years. He never responded and I know why. But here’s the point I want to make:
I could go on and on and about how cold this guy was shutting down the way he did. Pooooor Elsa. I could put lipstick all over the pig but fact is I did something that provoked his actions. Matter of fact I did 100 things that provoked his actions and I’d just say if you find yourself amputated by Scorpio, you might want to check your own stuff. This is especially true if you know them to be an above board type.
Because Scorpio doesn’t (generally) talk it is very easy to call and consider yourself their victim when you are anything but. People are human and they have their limits and so many people ask to be cut. They beg and beg for it. They won’t stop until they’ve completely done you in and when you finally make a defensive strike this is their cue to cry injury. Whatever. I have little sympathy. I have seen the movie only about a million times.
Have you ever been frozen out by Scorpio? Or if you are Scorpio (or a reasonable facsimile) have you ever felt yourself forced to amputate? How’s this feel on your end?
More on this topic - Why Is Scorpio Vilified For Doing The Same Thing The Rest Of The Zodiac Does?
49 Responses to “What’s The Deal With Scorpio Freezing You Out, Or Amputating? What Is Their Motivation?”
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as scorpio moon, i know when i am ‘done’ with someone, i’m ‘done’. usually after being stretched beyond limits. struggling with a friend right now who is juggling multiple life issues and cannot see anything beyond her own pain. our friendship has disintegrating into her unloading and my commenting. not sure she even sees me as anything more than a free therapist. when i try to distance myself in a gentle way, she reaches out saying that she never lets her friends ‘go’. *eeek* nice for her, but it’s getting more and more difficult for me to continue. at this point, i could easily just cut ties and walk away without a second glance, leaving her wondering, i’m sure, what happened to her nice friend. in other words, in this rambling post, i think my scorpio moon nature allows me to absorb a lot more than usual,emotionally, until like an overfilled balloon i pop. then it’s too late.
I have Venus in Scorpio and a lot of Virgo, so I like to serve and I have can handle a lot of dark stuff. But, it does get draining and I have had to let a few people go because I would hold all of their crap and they would leave me hanging with it. Most of the time that’s fine, but every once in a while, my life takes a noise dive and you are right, in self-preservation mode, I have to reserve some energy for me and they get cut off.
Another thing I’ve noticed recently, if I can’t make the cut, sometimes the universe will step in and make the cut for me. I have one particularly draining friend that after 30 years of friendship and 10 or so years of talking to her daily, got mad at some advice I gave that she asked me to give and quit talking to me. Cold turkey for 3 months. It was at the exact time that I thought I needed her most, but now I think it was for the best. She’s recently started calling again, but I am reluctant to answer. I feel a lot better about life without her daily dumping on me.
“… if you find yourself amputated by Scorpio, you might want to check your own stuff. This is especially true if you know them to be an above board type.”
I have a friend of years and admire her ethics and ability to just Know people (she’s a scorpio with pisces moon).
She’s amputating me since the last time I was with her. I was being way to friendly with her boyfriend, but not on purpose! (Sag moon - I smiled to much). Her boyfriend completly monopolized the conversation and kept calling my attention when what I really wanted to do was - Just be with her alone and talk to her only. I never liked him but always lied and said yeh, he’s ok. I think my friend ended up with him for fear of ending up alone. I never told her this - maybe she knew and did not like being judged - I don’t know what else could I possible done wrong. She wasn’t treating me with the same respect since, maybe, a year or so.
To tell you the truth I don’t think in this situation I’m the one to blame, the one who did something wrong: I think that what is at stake here are her insecurities, deep ones, a jealous nature - and her venus is at the early degrees of capricorn. I don’t wanna say “it’s her fault!” - I think she’s dealing with, maybe, paranoia, jealousy… and maybe I’m being blamed. I don’t know. Anyway, my friend is really amputating me. Everytime I try to contact her she doesn’t even try to be nice. It’s ok, it hurts, but what can I do? Nothing and just accept
Maybe this is a sign of Saturn aproaching my venus… I don’t kown.
((D.))
I feel for you. Arrrgh.
I have Lots of Scorpio including ASC and finally had to amputate a friend of 20+ yrs for exactly the same type of reasons Heather & Elsie mentioned. It was painful but the friendship had deteriorated to long phone calls where she would go on & on about people and situations I knew nothing about. (I ended the relationship the day Pluto turned Direct . . .)
Another synastry aspect was her South Node is conjunct my Moon/Neptune. I’m very, very cautious when I see South Node aspects with others in synastry. Usually someone ends up getting dumped on unless both parties establish boundary rules right up front.
Thanks for pointing out the synastry aspect, Neith. The people who’ve hurt me most emotionally have their Sun/ASC in aspect with my SN. Interesting.
I amputated a Scorpio in the last year. She greatly enjoyed making fun of me to see me react. Me being the type I am (I grew up the youngest of 4 kids and as a result do not take relentless teasing well), I finally had enough after 4 years. That and the constant betrayal of my secrets, and every detail I told her about my relationship getting ‘leaked by accident.’ (That’s why I always shrug when people talk about Scorpio being the gatekeeper of secrets–maybe some; not this gal).
The last incident came when she was making fun of me in front of someone else, who said “I remember when you guys were friends” and she laughed heartily and said “Me too!”
“Me too,” I responded and walked out the door. I haven’t spoken to her since and don’t think I ever will. Because I work with her and we have many mutual friends, it has been more than awkward.
The friendship will never be repaired, and frankly, I don’t want it to. I learned the hard way to stick up for myself, and the upshot is I don’t think I’ll ever make the error of being friends with someone who is cruel to me for kicks every again.
Wow Kashmiri, that truly sucks. Sounds like you were dealing w/one of the unevolved Scorps.
I am a Scorpio w/Scorpio Rising & Jupiter in Scorpio as well. I have done the amputation thing - it has been with 2 long time friends who began to just take me for granted, it was always about them, and my thoughts and feelings were always either ignored or negated. I got tired of being the third wheel in my own friendships, ya know?
I just walked away with never a word or confrontation. Just DONE.
Horribly difficult to do and not conceived lightly, but the time was right.
There are certain Scorps (just like other signs) who give and give and give and are very generous, and it takes a considerable amount of energy and thought to feel comfortable enough to make friends to begin with (I’m talking a HUGE EFFORT here to open up), so when one of those treasured ones that you’ve poured so much of yourself into begin to go south, it is horrifically painful to detach, but I think most of us Scorps are of the ‘rip the bandage off’ mode of thinking and try to get away in one clean tug. I think Elsa has it right in it being an act of self-preservation.
I recently got rid of a co-worker who I thought was a friend. I have Moon conjunct Pluto with Saturn in Scorpio.
My co-worker thought she could play me and use me.
I gave her a taste of her own medicine and she’s still feeling the burn. I cut people off when they least expect it.
I am a scorp and I amputate all the time. I never do it maliciously nor do I judge. Too many people have judged me and done so so wrongly that I just don’t. But I amputate and if it feels like I am freezing someone else out…why? am I not allowed to keep close to me those that I like and those that I don’t like keep them away?
I find this the only way to deal with very clingy and/or needy types. I do attract them. Often, they will instinctively know when you’re pulling your energy back from the friendship and they’ll push even harder. Earlier this year, I did this with someone I had been good friends with for a few years but I couldn’t take it anymore. I have Jupiter in Scorp/7th but it’s probably part of my moon/uranus either/or mentality.
I’ve frozen out many people in my life. I’ve just got rid of a recent batch of so called friends whose constantly increasing needs for attention and energy from me was literally making me ill. I couldn’t take any more. Scorpio freezing is SELF PRESERVATION folks! We give more than others, that’s why people take more and if the taking becomes excessive and unbalanced, your health and sanity could be on the line.
It never ceases to amaze me how oblivious others are to the mechanism of their relationships with scorpio types. If you always feel like a massive weight has been taken off your shoulders after a heart to heart with a scorp, that’s because you’ve simply downloaded your burdens onto their shoulders and they are now doing the intense and painful job of processing your crap for you.
And you scorps out there, stop the free therapy sessions for all your thankless so called friends. Let people take full responsibility for their problems and learn to work them out on their own or with the help of a fully qualified psychotherapist who is PAID to do that job.
Scorps, you think you’re doing people a favour but you’re sooo not. You’re simply supporting them in their refusal to take their emotional issues seriously enough to seek expert professional help. Why should they when they have you on tap.
And the karmic repercussions on scorpios as they misguidedly take on problems that other people refuse to shoulder themselves are substantial, often leaving them weak, exhausted and depleted, often without a word of thanks or appreciation from their beneficiaries. It’s funny how they all remember how incredibly important you are to them when you’ve finally cut them off for good.
My scorpio rising bowling league friend foze me out of her life last spring. Stopped sending me emails, stopped calling, quit bowling,everything. I still have no idea why and I will probably never try to find out because I hate confrontations (Pisces asc). She was a bossy Leo sun who thought she knew how everyone else should live their life (even though her life was fucked up on the verge of divorce, overwieght and miserable unless high or drunk) I say Who needs that bullshit!! (Capricorn sun)
I have Sun/Venus/Saturn conjunct Pluto, and I definitely pull the amputate/freeze on people who consider me a close friend. This generally happens when I am feeling overwhelmed. Either I am overwhelmed by someone’s neediness and vulnerability, or I am overwhelmed by my own.
Regardless of the rights and wrongs of Scorpio ‘freezing’, I just want to say, it’s still scary as hell!
I’ve been on the end of one and yes, it was partly brought on by my own behaviour, and it may be self-preservation on the Scorpio’s part, but it doesn’t negate the fact that the reluctance to talk things through before freezing gives the other person no option. Self-preservation it may be, but it’s also a power thing, a way of having the last (non-)word, if you like. I’ve loads of Sag and Gemini and Scorpio freezing is scary, frustrating and debilitating sometimes.
I’ve since re-established contact with the Scorp (partly cos he has has Libra rising and is a bit more conciliatory), but the old issues are never raised, and consequently never resolved. I’ve learnt to accept it and to accept my own need for resolution without projecting it on the other person.
This is a dilemma I’ve never been able to resolve - when is talking too much, and when is not-talking too little? Ah well, we fumble through the best we can.
I’m not a Sun Scorpio, but I have Venus/Pluto conjunct (in Virgo). I’m the same way with overly needy people. I amputated one a few years ago. Frightening because the woman was, unfortunately for me, dense, and I had to plunge the knife in without any painkiller to finally get rid of her.
She craves drama and having people around her, and, well, I don’t. I’ve also amputated a lot of strongly Cancerian types right out of my life for the same reason. All that ickiness makes my skin crawl. I’d rather not deal with it, so I freeze those kinds of people out.
jj — you are so right about scorpios stepping back and suggesting to people that they seek professional help. i’ve mentioned it to my friend, time and again and she has a gazillion excuses from ‘not wanting to do the work’ (YOU don’t want to do the work, you just want ME to do it for you…) to ‘i can’t afford it’ (this from someone who is set for life *sigh*), it’s too bad, we’ve been very close over the years, and of course, there’s that scorpio loyalty, but i just can’t take it any more (and ironically, one of her biggest issues is that she’s alienating family and friends and can’t/won’t understand why)
I’ve been frozen by a scorpio friend - she was an internet friend and I also had visited her once for a weekend. Online I cut her bad, inadvertantly hitting her most sensitive spot. So she wrote to me about how it hurt her and never talked to me again.
I have a really good scorpio friend now. And she had to cut out all of her friends at one point. Then years later she met me. And the things she worried about bothering me due to her past, didn’t bother me a bit. Apparently her old friends would put her down and drain her energy.
My husband has a stellium in Scorpio including the sun. What I have noticed is that he doesn’t suffer fools easily, unless they’re his friends! Then he suffers them for way too long! (some of the stellium is opposite Saturn in Taurus, maybe that’s why)
I’m thinking of one guy in particular who was a total loser. Treated his wife like crap. Treated my hubby like crap too. He stuck with him until one night it got so bad he just said “you are RUDE!” and dropped him off at his house and never ever spoke to him again. That guy deserved it.
Well, gee. I cut out my ex- after many years. I pushed and worked and took care of her and listened to her and blah blah blah. She decided at some point that she didn’t like me anymore, and stopped having sex with me (she had an excuse) and the relationship continued until finally it was so ridiculously obvious that she wanted to be rid of me that I split up with her; I could at that point, since I had given her my word I wouldn’t leave, but if she wanted me to go that was ok. She was fine with that, but she wanted me not to abandon her, and I didn’t. I waited until I finally found out how much she had been lying to me, and she was off to hook up with this other guy.
Then I stopped talking to her. Returned her stuff, haven’t spoken to her since. In the interval I’ve steadily cut off the friends that were actually her friends, like the guy I moved nine times (who never helped me move), and so on.
I can be neglectful, but I never cut anybody off unless they fuck me over. If they do, well to hell with them, why should I stay?
max
[’I invariably never hear from them again, since I’m once I’m not useful, I’m not wanted by that type.’]
I’m trying to remember the last time I spoke to any of my friends. I have gotten far apart- but it’s not on purpose! damn saturn.
oh well, the family is calling me tonight.
back to essay writing for now.
i don’t know if it’s my 8th house (i don’t have personal scorpio planets… just uranus.)
but if someone is wounding me and i don’t have any expectation of them stopping, i will cut them out.
sometimes only until i can feel i can bear it again. depending on whether it’s something malicious or just crosswired needs (i can’t always hold those sorts of pain against someone.)
i usually don’t say why. unless i actually see a hope that they’d actually want to resolve the situation. or if it’s a final close and i want to make it extremely clear that they’re unwelcome in my life (which i try to be nice about but there’s not many gentle ways of saying that.)
my scorpio stellium friend likes to understand people. it’s an obsession, i guess, to dissect how people tick. she’ll focus on someone for awhile, and then, when she’s reached a certain point she might realize that they’re… toxic, or dangerous, or projecting all over her, or whatever, and tries to pull back, and people get upset, feel they’re getting cut off (since they’re used to that scorpio focus and can feel the bounceback when it lifts) overreact, and make her feel like she has no other choice but to cut them off completely. (and she can get harsh. likely too harsh.)
anyway, that’s how she describes it.
Lis- I just laughed my ass off at your comment-does that make me a jerk?!?!
DreamsAReality: thanks for saying that, because I think you’re right. I’ve met a lot of beautiful Scorpios, and my SO is Scorpio Moon/Venus/Neptune and a very lovely guy.
Scorpio ASC….I’ve done this to a handful of friends. I’ve said in another post I get these friends who end up being clingy/needy/jealous, it just drives me nuts. I try to stick it out with them, and I’m even honest about how they make me feel (like I have a super-jealous boyfriend on my hands), but if they don’t get the point then I have to let it go. I never related it to my Scorpio ASC but wow, it’s true, each one drained the hell out of me. When I reached a point of maturity, I realized that as much as I hate to hurt anybody, these relationships were very toxic and flat out unecessary. I never have intended to freeze people off completely, but instead wait until they mature themselves. Oh yeah, and my Saturn is in the 11th.
Kashmiri–No, it makes me look like an insensitive clod.
Now I know why I never attracted Cancer or Pisces men. (Scorpios, that’s another story. Hubby is Scorp rising.) Not only am I blunt, I’m not a cling-on.
I honestly don’t think male Cancer or Pisces types would go for a Leo Sun, Sun conjunct Mars, and Aries rising.
Just generalizing, of course, but it’s telling that I never dated any.
I couldn’t have put this anymore eloquently than you have, Elsa. Thanks for the post.
Xin
(Scorpio/Scorpio)
“…most times when Scorpio freezes someone out… amputates I would say, it is almost always an act of self-preservation.”
Maybe so, but I have to question the validity of Scorpios’ every perception that they NEED to preserve themselves. Sometimes they’re just afraid - yes, even a Scorpio!(I mean, I know one who, after hearing about the film, “I Am Curious [Yellow]” way back in 1967 has flatly shunned all things, ideas and people Swedish - because they’re “sexually immoral”! And I’m NOT exaggerating.) Sometimes it’s flat-out selfish - an attempt to control someone else. I have a choice example; I apologize for its length, but I’m hoping that Elsa and/or any of you out there can tell me if, or where, I’m wrong!
If you’ve ever seen or read Edith Wharton’s “The Age of Innocence,” my mother-in-law is the same type of person as the character of “May,” who was surely modeled on a Scorpio woman. (In fact, if you want an example of what the Scorpionic freeze-out can do to the lives of everyone around them, without the Scorpio ever once being anything short of gracious and polite, read “The Age of Innocence.”)
When I was first introduced to my boyfriend’s mother (now my husband since 1992) she came into the room, barely shook my hand, was very polite - then disappeared into the back of the house for the rest of the evening. My husband mentioned (-only then! He hadn’t thought it important..)that she didn’t approve of people who were overweight, which I was. OK; everybody’s entitled to their own opinion. Between that and the fact that she clearly sensed that her son was serious about me (first woman he’d brought home who fit that description), from that night on, I DID… NOT… EXIST. No, seriously - even when we went on to live together, my existence was never even referred to, period. For more than a decade! (BTW, I got along great with his father, who was as nice as could be.)
I knew I certainly hadn’t done anything wrong - in fact, this lady had never even talked to me beyond polite intros, so I went along with it. Whenever she asked my husband to come for holidays & birthdays (always with no mention of me, & very pointedly, so both he & I would “get it”) I encouraged him to go; I think family’s important.
Eventually, we moved about 120 miles away; in the first couple of years, it was still the same deal with her. Just before one Thanksgiving, out of the blue, my husband’s FATHER called up to apologize for “their” awful behavior toward me and to invite me for Thanksgiving dinner that year.
I went; my “acknowlegement” by my husband’s mom consisted of her acting as if nothing had ever happened,as though I’d always been warmly welcomed by her, and certainly with no hint that her husband had called and actually apologized. And so it’s been ever since! My husband and I never acknowleged to her that she had frozen me out from first meeting through the ensuing twelve years, and neither did she. I wish I could say I was always perfectly gracious, but I did have a bit of a reservoir of anger built up about being judged & frozen out like that for so long, and in the first couple of years it came out every so often in stupid little indirect ways I now regret. But I’m long over it. My in-laws have been wonderful to me in so many ways for years now. Everything’s been fine for a long time… well, as far I my husband and I can really tell with a Scorpio. (Just a JOKE.)
My mother-in-law lost years of what could have been a close relationship with her son and his wife - for what? Unlike some Scorpios, I don’t think you can or should try & control who your kids decide to love, what they decide to work at, etc. (and that’s a whole ‘nother story about this lady and her family). I mean, offer parental opinions, talk with them, etc, but when you have to let go of it, let go - right? (Wrong?)
But she still runs constant Scorpionic “scams” on her own family, though apparently I’m now exempt. Example: She’s extremely afraid of anything new but won’t admit that, even to herself, so when her husband got a cell phone & wanted to get one for her (for safety’s sake), she sweetly pronounced that NO ONE needed a cell phone - and just as sweetly refused to take the phone # of her own husband’s cell! She still refuses - on some “priciple” is all my husband & I can figure -and recently had a plan to force a family member into a completely arbitrary event of her creation, that he’d SAID he did not want to (and what’s more, couldn’t) attend - and ended up screwing it up HERSELF all because she couldn’t call her husband on the road when she needed to!
Scorpios (& those who are heavily influenced by the 8th house and/or Pluto) are often incredibly wise, loyal people, and have traits that I admire greatly (and wish I had!). But, like May Welland Archer, they often have a self-induced, hard blindness and resistence to admitting the very existence of anything - or anyone - not to their liking! Other signs all have their failings, too. But Scorpio can really make sure it HURTS, if so inclined, though when done out of selfishness, it often ends up hurting them just as badly. I just wished it could be mentioned among all the praise, that’s all.
Am I wrong?
Ah now I feel like a bastard.
I do think Scorpio’s are, when above board and solid, generally right when they cut. But I also want to stick by my projection thing, because I’ve seen scorpio’s even above board do that too.
I mentioned being cut twice by the one scorpio in the other post and its true, the first time I was told (years later) it hadn’t actually happened (although that leaves me rather confused about the unanswered calls and emails), and the second time I was told I was right about what I’d thought/felt/the situation and it was the closest to an apology I got.
In the end in that particular case I still get so much richness out of the relationship that I opt to continue even at risk of being taken down again, in fairness I don’t think going down either time did me long term harm because I was right (whereas if I had been wrong I think it might have done me good) but its definitely made me super cautious about how I communicate with this person. I have an even higher degree of paranoia and fear of judgement and unless I can communicate face to face and see and feel her reaction I pretty much toe my way like its eggshells.
Selkie - it sounds to me like your MIL may be a little crazy. People with all kinds of defenses like this are usually driven by a voice in their head. I don’t mean that literally, you know what I mean. She just sounds disturbed and probably tries to cope with all these hijinks.
One she froze you out for no reason, how to un-freeze? Oh, I know. Just lift the restrictions as arbitrarily as you created them. People who are crazy can do this no problem.
She may be malicious… what she does is definitely going to hurt people but from the way you describe her she sounds pretty well insane to me.
An insane Scorpio acting insanely.
Next time you deal with her just ask yourself, is this a bitch? Or is this a crazy bitch/
My Scorpio freeze-out story goes like this….I am having breakfast at the company cafeteria with a table of women,one is a stunning Swedish Scorpio,just having given birth to her first child several months before.She is tall,dark,looks VERY much like Ingred Bergman.She is nursing so her curves are extra curvy,she is at the height of her feminine powers.The guy who trains the bomb sniffing dogs walks in and says a happy hello to her-now comes the freeze-she straightens up in her cafeteria chair,shoots a look at him out of the corner of her eye,kinda sideways,with this kind of seething vibe and turns her back to him,without a word being spoken.Full-on,turning away,freezing out,and as she repositions herself,she kind of sways hers hips in this kinda seductive exclamation point at the end of the sentence.No one else at the table is noticing this little beheading going on except me and the dog trainer.She has the tiniest little smile on one side of her lips.I look back at the dog trainer and he is devastated.I know this guy and he is a pushy Leo type,now completely wilted.If I had a Geiger counter it would be going off.She has just fried him.He is speechless.No one else is seeing this but me.I know her husband was friends with the trainer,but I never did ask what it was all about.I was in awe of the whole energy of the exchange.It stays in my memory as an example of the Scorpio freeze out.This happened 15 years ago and I still remember this vividly.One other thing,so many Scorpios out there!Who knew you were all watching so quietly until your question was asked.
Thank you, Elsa! I wasn’t tryin to villify Scorpios, just balance out what I’d been reading for several months! My MIL really isn’t crazy; she’s just a very extreme version of the negative Scorpio’s tendency to judge too quickly then stubbornly stick to it because, well, she sees it as a sign of weakness to back down & admit she was wrong (or even that she MIGHT have been wrong)! She’s actually turned out to be a very good-hearted person who just has a rather extreme & overly fearful reaction to anything (or anyone) she considers a threat, for whatever reason.
Having had a negative Scorpio mom who ended up cutting herself off from everyone in her life (except me) via that same stubbornness, I’ll admit I’m a bit oversensitized to the overly quick judgement and almost gleeful freezing out that can be found in a negative Scorpio/8th house/Pluto-influenced person.
BTW, just for the heck of it, yesterday I asked one of the other Scorpios I mentioned in my post (… who’s been despising/rejecting all things & persons Swedish for decades now due to what she HEARD about the film “I Am Curious[Yellow]”) whether she’d consider ever buying anything from IKEA - she said she absolutely wouldn’t; it’s a SWEDISH company!
Selkie - She’s a freak! Wonder what she thinks of fat Swedes, LOL. I am telling you, she’s a nutcase! She would be just fine in an Italian family. Fit right in.
Umm - this may be surprising - both my Scorpio mother and step-mother have done the same, shunning / making a scene over houseguests. It’s kind of funny from my perspective because I could see how they acted (including those times they were civil to houseguests) and what they said / really felt after they left. Reality: they don’t want dreaded outsiders who haven’t passed a security check in their homes. It added a special spice (read: distrust) knowing my step-mother was doing the same thing (racking me and my sister over the coals) when we weren’t in front of her.
Well, come to think of it, she did it when we *were* there too, when she couldn’t contain her venom…
Venus, Moon, Neptune conjunct in Scorpio for me. I think that most (not all) Scorpio’s have this ability to see straight through a person’s facade thereby eliminating the need to build relationships based on superficial needs. They just don’t have the ability to live on the surface so when it comes time to end a relationship there is no other recourse but amputation. I mean, really, what is the purpose of hanging on to an arm that has gangrene? I can see that is is rotten beyond reform. The person next to me can smell it and the next door neighbor has already alerted the neighborhood to my condition. What’s left to do?
Ahhh, Scorpio’s are realistic and not afraid of the truth I’d dare to say. I don’t see it as “freezing” one out or even being mean. It is just not a healthy habit to hang on to parts that are causing the rest of the body harm….and a Scorpio understands the effects of festering decay like no one else.
I like amputation. It is clean, quick and healthy for all involved…whether they know it or not at the time.
While I feel for those on the receiving end of the scalpel I can only wonder what compels them to put themselves “under the knife”?
What do you think, Elsa?
Nobody asked me but I decided this topic isn’t dead.
Part of the issue with this amputating phenomenon is there’s other people involved besides the two in a relationship .. like, children. I remember the quiet tow-headed boy of one of my friend’s married to a Scorpio looking out the window waiting for his dad to come home .. and his dad wasn’t going to come home, he had wandered off and impregnated another woman. (Or was it two? I don’t remember all the florid details of the relationship unraveling - but eventually it dispersed with a bang.) First he put them into debt via his purchasing ’services’ at s&m sex parlors.
Still .. that friend wanted to keep the Scorpio. I don’t understand it either. They leave a void and I think it’s natural, human, to take the step into it and towards them.
Who has tips / techniques for not stepping into the void (I suspect they’re getting energy when you do that you know)? Think I’ll need them for Pluto transiting the 7th.
i have a scorpio ascendant, sun in scorpio conjunct pluto in the 12th house. i had to cut off people from my life from time to time, most of them i was able to heal, although things were never the same as they started.
jesus helped me to open my heart to possibility of almost complete forgiveness. when i found my life was lacking direction, it was by calling jesus into my heart that things started to lighten up. i bagan to think and pray for those who dont eat, those who are ill, etc. yes, i do find this corny when i’m back to my normal state. but in these brief moments, i seem to no longer think about those who have done me wrong or i dont like, etc. it is like i’m temporarily released from all my hatred and all i want is peace.
Just curious: Why does scorpio tolerate so much crap that they eventually need to amputate in such a dramatic way? Why not just ask for the offensive behavior to stop when it occurs, and save themselves a lot of abuse (and the other person the pain of amputation)? It seems that scorpio tends to create the ideal conditions for amputation to be an appropriate response. Cause and effect?
Goodness this is so true, your statements and how Scorpio will eventually cut off the ties to those who have caused them enough grief. And in answer to the last comment from Ana, as to why we tolerate so much that we eventually need to amputate in such a dramatic and final way?
Because we must. Sensitive water signs can absorb so much shock, so much upheaval, so many intrusions and acquiesce seemingly forever without end, like the rivers which unceasingly flow into the ocean, or the lake where you can throw rocks and more rocks and still the lake stands unhindered after the ripples subside.
Yet there is a limit to everything. At times it is necessary to dam the river to keep from drying up. And the dam once erected will not give way so easily as much thought was given to putting it in place.
It is wise to not push your luck with a Scorpion since they keep tabs on the factors weighing against your favour and once a bridge is burned, there is no turning back.
I am in the process of freezing someone out at this time, and yes, it is difficult on my part.
A new-found cousin, about four years ago,from Sweden who has visited already twice, announced a few days ago, via internet, that she was planning a “one week or so” trip to us in May. We didn’t mind meeting the first or second time, but it is really an inconvenience on our family. She didn’t even consider that we didn’t want her to visit and put us out again, and now for a whole week.
Besides the inconvenience, she (She’s a November Sagittarius) is totally obnoxious. She brags, isn’t interested in a two-way conversation, and is quite insulting to me.
I think part of her problem is that “European Snobbery” so prevalent over there. While here, she made a plain ordinary chicken dinner, held it up on a platter, and acted as though we had never seen real food. When she stopped at my house, she asked me to turn my computer on, then proceeded to teach me how to use it; I had had a computer for over 12 years at that time. I politely let her teach me. In fact, I have been politely letting her be who she is. She emailed me to have me clean up an English version of her bio. It took me 12 hours. Then she informs me that she writes English very good. Grrrr! Could have fooled me. She bakes bread, sends a pic, and the recipe–of course assuming I had never baked bread, which having been a house wife for 30 years, I have and do bake quite well thank you.
Anyway, my father was really upset at the thought of her visiting again. He would have felt obligated to pick up her hotel costs and commented, “I feel like this just fell out of the blue and the worse part, I’m the one who will have to entertain her for a week.”
What did I do? After a day or so of fretting about this, I just decided to be honest (well not entirely honest–that would have been really cruel). I e-mailed her and told her that this trip to the US is not possible at this time and gave her a variety of honest reasons. Told her that if our situation here changes at some point in the future, we could maybe plan a trip for her.
Afterwards I deleted her from my e-addresses. I will no longer answer her e-mails. She cut off!
I forgot to say that I am a little bit Scorpio, just my Sun and Mercury. I have an Aries Moon and Mars and Jupiter in Sagittarius with Jupiter sitting on top of my Ascendant in the 12th house opposed by Uranus.
Also the difficulty of freezing someone out is I still feel guilty, even though it had to be done. I would have liked to have told her exactly what I thought, but why? I also will not let it go for quite a while or at least until I talk or write it out and everyone I know hears about it.
Just found this topic (I need to spend more time exploring this site)….
I have the ability (as I think most Scorpios do) to compartmentalize aspects of my life: things get stuffed into a compartment and left there until I have the time (or desire) to open it back up and deal with it. Some compartments stay sealed up for a very long time. It is a coping mechanism I learned (discovered?) while very young.
I have placed several people/relationships, including family members, into sealed compartments. It was never something done impulsively. As Victoria stated, there was no other alternative: I felt my survival — emotional and mental — was at stake.
As far as it being done abruptly… well it may appear so to the other people involved but there’s always significant history behind the decisions. And yeah, we’d drag all the crap out and re-hash it over and over and never get anywhere. When people are irrational and can’t hear what you’re saying, what’s the point in continuing?
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. –Albert Einstein
Wow!! I had no idea Freezing was such a universal Scorpio technique. I guess I have seen my mother(scorp sun, pluto in the 8th) freeze people out of her life for years, but I never connected it with what I do. I have Sun, moon, mercury, venus, and mars in Scorpio, so it’s hard for me to define were the Scorpio energy is coming from sometimes.
Freezing is most defiantly a tool of survival and self preservation. I use to feel guilty about doing it, but I have grown to realize it’s best for everyone involved if I do what I need to do.
For me, Freezing gives me the time and space I need to cool down, and sort out the feelings that lead to the freeze.. The time and space help me to refrain from descending into petty power trips, or doing something I might regret, etc… when the wounds are still raw. It also allows the Scorpio time to re-define themselves…..
I like to think of it as putting myself in cold storage. Most people I have frozen over the years were only blocked out of my life wile I healed and came to terms with my feelings. In recent years I have warned romantic partners and very close business associates at the beginning of the relationship that complete isolation and cutting off all communication is how I operate when I am extremely wounded…. But I also add that I am usually open to re-defining the relationship down the road, when I am ready…… I am close friends or on speaking terms with most of my ex-lovers. Good friends are hard to find and life is too short to hold a grudge forever(is that Jupiter in the 1st speaking??)…..
So I read many of the comments here and although there certainly are some valid points being made, I really don’t think this general “rule of thumb” applies to all Scorpions. As they say, it all depends on the specific chart and personal transits.
“Freezing out” is a final tactic reserved for when totally finished with someone because you consider them a wasted investment of your precious time and energy as in a total write-off. So you cut your losses, and carry on with your life as if they never existed in the first place.
I don’t think that “freezing out” is a temporary measure at all. Leave this feeble cop-out manoeuver to the unevolved Scorpion who is not yet aware of how to deal with a hurtful situation in true Scorpionic fashion.
As a triple Scorp with Moon, Pluto and Scorpio rising I haven’t too much experience with people wasting my time but admittedly have been hurt a couple times very badly.
I didn’t “freeze” those ladies out. That would have been too easy. Plus it would have been the easy way out for them. Do you really think a Scorpion would let someone who has hurt them badly off so easily? Hardly.
When people hurt you, betray your sacred trust or abuse your love and friendship, the thing to do is hang around the sidelines in the shadows for awhile. Let them think that you froze them out by making yourself somewhat scarce, yes, but remain everpresent and in control behind the scenes. Your spirit lingers. Your invisible presence and ominous energy remains unscathed. Your ghost succumbs to wreaking continual havoc veiled in at times subtle, at times outrageous, activity executed at inopportune occasions.
For it follows that when these offending parties expect you to freeze them out, you are doing them a favor by doing so. This is not revenge, this is foolishly fulfilling their expectation!
The evolved Scorpion never plays to another trumpeter’s tune. A true lone wolf, the Scorpion marches to the beast (beat) of his own drummer. They devise their own strategy and avoid the obvious. They lurk in the shadows of subtility and seductive selective madness.
The whole idea is that your traitors and abusers feel false security in thinking you will not bother with revenge and that you will forget the matter by simply “freezing them out.”
No, as a bonafide certified triple Scorpion (quadruple if you include my ascendant) I believe the best way to deal with such horrible people is to torment them. Aim below the belt. Knife behind the back. Get them where they deserve it, when they least expect it.
Get these mortal offenders so paranoid, they are constantly expecting you to pop out of the shadows and out of the murky water like a gator lurking in the slime of their subconscious ready to devour.
This is the time to disappear and do more important things and carry on with your life with more worthy individuals. You can always return to check up on the abhorrent offenders at a later date and more convenient time. At which point you can monitor their stress and anxiety-o-meter and devise an even more poisonous and deadly arrow to hit the mark, again, waiting for the moment they least expect it.
This cycle can continue for however long you wish. Remember, the true Scorpio is a master of manipulation and control. I will never date or ask a Scorpio woman out for this reason. No matter how attractive or sensual or sexual she may be it is simply not worth the headache.
And because she is a woman, she will beat the Scorpio man at his own game as she is master of it. Women do not play fair. To the male mind, the female response is entirely emotional and frequently irrational. Simply put, she will catch you off guard and manipulate you to fulfill her own pleasure in beating you at your own game.
(Re: Jupiter in the 1st house, well that just means you are big on yourself or have an exaggerated overinflated self-image)
“Remember, the true Scorpio is a master of manipulation and control.”
First Degree Burn,
I don’t disagree with your statement I quoted above, but I think the expression of manipulation and control can take many forms in expressing Scorpio energy.
I love to manipulate material objects and transform them into art or functional objects. I prefer to bend people to my will using genuine kindness and honesty.
As for control, I prefer to exert control over my self, and my reactions to hurtful situations.
I have preformed a few perminant amputations over the years. I have no regrets because the people I froze out of my life were holding me back or damaging to me.
When I freeze someone at the end of a relationship it’s for the purpose of coming back to myself and giving me space so I don’t act out in a way I might regret. I have great respect and love for most of the women I have had romantic relationships with. In most cases my love for my ex’s has never gone away. It just transformed from romantic intimate love, to universal/friend love. For me, holding a grudge, and seeking retribution or revenge is a waste of my energy. It does not feed my soul to punish people for hurting me. The way I see it, it takes two to tango and when two people choose to be in a relationship they are choosing to open themselves up to each other. If you end up getting hurt, or betrayed, those are consequences of choosing to open up to that person. Betrayal sucks, but we have a choice in how we react to it. I do have instincts to punish/sting people when they hurt me, but my experience has taught me it’s an inefficient use of my energy, and does more damage than good…
I also believe “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” -Mahatma Gandhi
“(Re: Jupiter in the 1st house, well that just means you are big on yourself or have an exaggerated overinflated self-image)” quoting First Degree Burn
No doubt! I do think highly of myself!!
“complete isolation and cutting off all communication is how I operate when I am extremely wounded…. But I also add that I am usually open to re-defining the relationship down the road, when I am ready……”
Does this occur when someone intentionally hurts you or when their presence triggers pain in you for some unrelated reason, past issues, etc.? Just curious, as this happened to me twice last year. As much as I have thought it over I cannot find anything I could have done to either of them. Both wanted to be close to me for a long time and I was slow/cautious to let them in and once I did things were great…then they both got scared or something, shut down and left with no explanation. Perplexed me (and hurt me) to no end. But I guess it is to be expected as I currently have Pluto transiting my moon in the 7th.
Re: Jupiter in the 1st - it’s good to think highly of oneself
Ana,
I have amputated people out of my life without communicating anything, but when I do this it is someone who seriously wronged me.
When I freeze someone out at the end of a romantic relationship I communicate my intentions and reasoning behind them.
When it comes down to it, we all handle things in different ways. I was raised by pacifists, and my dad encouraged me to study Buddhist and Sufi philosophy starting at age 12, so a lot of my coping mechanisms are rooted in a philosophy of non-violence and not harming others……
I really think this is a more complex issue than simply freezing someone out. Eventually that ice will melt(metaphorically), don’t forget Scorpio is a water sign. I think the hard task is figuring out when people should be forgiven. I have experienced having people really hurt me, unintentionally or no, and then try to come back in my life, no communication whatsoever for many years, once I was doing really really well, and I assume they wanted somthing from me… What more could I possibley have that you haven’t already taken?!! The funny thing is I usually let them back in, as long as there is no foul play… that is I errect firm boundaries and then don’t allow them any closer. I can admire your seek for answers on a spiritual level, as somtimes i feel that this is the only place answers will be found.
I guess i’ve made alot of enemies by association. I like the part elsa said about people making the wrong call about the scorpio, cutting you out because they “don’t talk”.. when this is a far cry from the truth… then it goes they “beg and beg”, “they wont stop untill they’ve completely done you in, and when you finally make a defensive strike, this is their cue to cry injury…” I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Des,
I learned how to forgive and let go and process my anger over a 15+ year period. I know what it’s like to sting people and take revenge when someone betrays me, but I never found these effective tools in getting my needs met. Hurting people that hurt me just made me hurt more… I have a lot of empathy, it’s a blessing and a curse… I feel pain I inflict on others, and it sucks… The empathy also facilitates forgiveness, because I can understand were the other person is coming from, or at least I try to. I also strongly believe in the golden rule, “treat others as you would like to be treated.”…..
I don’t allow every person I forgive back into my life. I won’t forget what the person did, But I won’t hold on to the anger associated with the incident…. we are all human and we all fuck up, so it goes….. unprocessed/repressed emotions are like thrones in my being, I will feel it until I deal with it…
No doubt! I do think highly of myself!!
It is clear that you do
Pride goeth before a fall . . .