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Your Answers To A Difficult Question: What Do You Do If All Roads Lead To Bleak?
Ask the collective
I like this idea of people sharing their wisdom and experience the way they did on the Love Tips blog. Let’s call it a Jupiter conjunct Pluto in Sagittarius thing (the collective shares their perspective or philosophy) so here’s another query.
What if there is no good option?
I find this situation with my son a lot. Most of you know he has a Sun Saturn conjunction which I feel indicates a difficult childhood. And though I try mightily in my son’s case this has definitely manifested.
I frequently find myself having to make decisions that impact him being fully aware he is going to be hosed regardless of what I do. I think of that old song… “Clowns to the left of my, jokers to the right…” It is sort of like die by knife or die by gun? Ultimately what difference does this make? So how do you handle something like this?
What do you do if all choice suck?
16 Responses to “Your Answers To A Difficult Question: What Do You Do If All Roads Lead To Bleak?”
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Tough it is when it seems that everything sucks.The only way to deal with such situations /quagmires is (as you say) by going to the the XII house. We need to believe that current choices don’t necessarily mean terrible outcomes. If there is truly no better choice then ride with it and see where it takes you. Life is not static and even when it seems it is, it leaves behind a learning. The challenge is thats its not easy going to the H12 and maintaining this constant faith that god exists and things happen (or don’t) for a reason. Also I am not sure how you explain this to a child or teenager
All four of my kids are growing up with horrid circumstances and all I can do is let them know is life isn’t about how horrid things are around them it is how they deal with it. We live in horrid situation yet if we woved things would be worse for them so we stay where they are. They live with negativity around them but I am constantly showing them how worthy they are of so much better because of who they are and try to show them their potential every step of the way.
I don’t think our job is to put our kids in a box but to stand in front of them to sheild them as they peek around so they know what is out in the world and they see how I handle the crap as well as the good that is thrown at me.
No matter how we sheild our kids they will always come out the end askew…..my belief is our job is to teach them how to keep their head about them. To make sure they know where they can come to have a safe place to vent, cry or rage….and that is with me and hopefully they will also cultivate friendships where they can have that as well.
Sometimes when all options suck, you just have to let the experience happen. If you go with it, it will drag you down at first - but then you’ll see that it washes over you and you come out the other end much stronger. Your son’s options suck now, but when he works his way through all the muck, he’ll have the confidence that comes from having toughed it out and made it. It’s not such a bad trade-off over time
it’s a lot more difficult when it’s your kid getting the short end of the stick rather than yourself. in my experience.
i try to help him learn how to cope with disappointments and unhappiness. try to find a useful perspective. but it can be hard when it doesn’t seem right to you, the adult, either. kids will pick up the things you’re not saying too.
I don’t know .. I’d be kind of worried you’re promoting the idea to him that all roads lead to bleak. If he had Moon-Saturn I’d be inclined to say ok…an emotionally difficult childhood, but Sun-Saturn? I just think of a serious person, like a Capricorn, who may not have a father figure around. Sun-Saturn sees the world as very serious, perhaps more serious than they need to .. and then that brings up the idea of ’self-fulfilling prophecies’, what you put your energy into becomes reality .. Fear of difficulties = here they come.
“What do you do if all choice suck?”
If all choices suck, choose nothing for the time being.
Continue teaching himself, above all, to be compassionate to himself. You know…
Go easy with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack.
Contrary to what some people think, Sun/Saturn types can re-charge their emotional batteries by flying solo, as long as their mothers are in the wings.
Your son’s options suck now, but when he works his way through all the muck, he’ll have the confidence that comes from having toughed it out and made it. It’s not such a bad trade-off over time.
Ana has a good point here. I have Sun sq Saturn and had to do a lot of hard work as a child with no choice in the matter, my folks made sure of that. Even though I didn’t like it at the time, it gave me a bed-rock sense of self-confidence and that has been invaluable ever since.
My Sun is the apex of a T-square with Saturn & Ceres. I grew up on a farm, milking cows, working in the fields, year in, year out. The awareness of seasonal cycles is in my bones . . .
It mostly amounts to “suck it up.” Or “pick the option that makes you feel the least amount of bad, if that’s even possible.”
I had this go on last week and I am still feeling miserable about it. I wish I hadn’t done what I did, but I could not bring myself to do the other option. Especially since either way, the other person was going to get his feelings hurt, and I was going to feel like shit for rejecting him. It was a no-win, but the awful option I chose at least might lead to less wheedling and whining and having to reject a few MORE times.
I don’t see Sun/Saturn this way. I see that the childhood offers tremendous limitations to overcome, but that Saturn gives the native the wherewithal to actually overcome them with work, discipline and time. I think it’s a gift.
All roads lead to bleak only in your perspective. Kids are made out of rubber and sometimes they bounce just to see what it feels like. With Saturn as your child’s teacher, you can trust that what your son is learning is to be responsible, sober and persevering in a way that you or I could only dream of being. He’s got to live his chart, yanno.
As a parent I guess I would approach it this way. I would realize that there is no way I could personally shoulder everything this life has planned for my son, because I am not my son. I would encourage him, shore up his self-esteem and give him, above all, respect for his space and his choices. Also, this might be hard to do, but with Saturn one thing you have to make sure you don’t do is baby such a person — it’s patronizing. If you are freaking out and feeling guilty he will redouble his efforts to try to take care of *you*, so you feel okay about making decisions that leave him screwed. He knows what’s going on, and I’m sure he’s sure that you are doing the best you can.
One thing about Saturn is, even though it looks tough to you, the life cut out for that native is endowing him with tremendous reserves of courage and strength. By the time he reaches his Saturn return, he will impress the hell out of you no matter *what* you two have been through.
When all roads lead to bleak, you gotta figure you must have missed at least one.
>>>>All roads lead to bleak only in your perspective. >>
You’re exactly right, eva and thanks for making the point.
“Pick the consequences you can live with.” That line always gives me clarity when I’m forced to choose between several bad roads. The best consequences — not the easiest.
For when there are no consequences you can live with, well, that’s when you need to MAKE yourself another option. With brute determination, if that’s all you’ve got.
I was thinking about this (more) after your comment, eva and what gets me is I have 2 kids. With my daughter, there is always a best choice. This makes it so easy as a parent. You do what is best for your kid! But with my son, this is never the case. It occurs to me now it may be all his Libra. Can’t decide shit!
For example, right now he is faced with a decision… this school or that. He is 8 years old! Who should make this decision. he is the one who is going to have to live with it but I am the one with more perspective.
My perspective says it makes no difference. There is no right choice. And it would never be this way with my daughter.
So do I make the choice and take the blame and responsibility for the difficulties he incurs (which will constellate regardless) or do I have an 8 year old pick his own poison and perhaps berate himself internally for the choice as he goes on to suffer?
So imagine that and again, contrast it to the other kid in the house who has no struggle like this of any kind.
My son is one year ahead in school. I made that decision with a bunch of administrators advising me. The upshot was this:
Put him ahead, he’s screwed.
Hold him back, he’s screwed.
After that they all stared at me. And no kidding, we relive this scenario over and over and over.
I am thinking now this must have something to do with that Libra. One choice always makes the other look appealing.
Anyway, thanks everyone for their thoughts. He is an awesome kid.
When I have to make really tough decisions I will ask to be given a dream to help me decide.It never fails.There is a part of you that knows everything and your dreams are a solid bridge to access that info.Ask for a dream Elsa,tell your kid to ask for a dream.
Hmm this a tricky one. I myself have a tight sun-saturn-pluto conjunction and I have had many cases where all options suck. I guess the way I have dealt with it is just to do the best I can with what I have, believing somehow I going to be a lot more stronger and wiser in the long run.
If you keep getting bad cards you just make the most of what you can knowing with all that losing you are later going to be a more appreciative and gracious winner.
When it happens to me I aim for what I think the best. It may not be best by much, and I may spend the consequences wishing I’d done the other, and it could very well be libra y’know? Sometimes there is no winner? Its just compromise. Who knows.
I do think it is at least somewhat sun saturn though. I have a sun saturn square, and my brother has a moon saturn square, and I defintely took/get more shit out in the world, and still do, however he’s still back at home trying to navigate his way through some really really crappy situations with my mom and my dad. In fact over the last year he has pretty much become the family dumping ground, Nothing else to talk about? Dump on Declan!
Good luck to Vidroid.
If both options are bad (and we know this how in regards to the school choices???) then I’d go with the path of least resistance. For him it may be that one or the other has more of the ‘feel’ that suits him, or maybe one is closer to home so he could bike to it himself. Have you both gone and taken school tours to let him get a true sense of what they might be like?