Newly Immigrated Single Mom Struggles With 10-Year-Old Son Who Will Not Accept Her Boyfriend: Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
My son is 10 years old, his dad never wanted to take care of us and as a single mother I decided to come to the united states to get a better life, I left my son with my parents for about 1 1/2 years and he is living with me since then, he never accept anybody really close to me “like a boyfriend” .
I have a boyfriend but my son doesn’t know him he hates when I’m on the phone so I don’t talk to my boyfriend with my son around, my son is not doing good at school actually he’s doing bad and I try to check his homework everyday and go with to the library and I talk to him about responsibility but it seems like everything I tell my son it bothers him and he thinks all I want is just for bothering him, if I want white he will pick black even if he things white is fine. I hope is not confusing for you, the other thing I wanted to mention is that I have one bedroom apt and my son still sleeps with me.
Thank you,
Struggling Mom
Columbia
Dear Mom,
I just knew when I looked at your chart I was going to see a whole bunch of Libra and sure enough, you have your Sun, Moon, Mercury and Pluto in Libra and bottom line, you do not want to be alone. You were born to partner and I do not mean to upset or insult you but you have got to get your son out of your bed if you want any hope whatsoever of solving this.
You see, by sleeping with him you are treating him as if he is your man… your partner so no wonder he hates the idea of you with another man. It’s as if you are cheating on him! Do you expect him to step aside and have this other man take his place? Why in the world would he do that? He may be 10 but he is a 10 year old man and you are his territory!
You absolutely have to get this kid out of your bed for his sake and for yours and beyond that, establish clear boundaries where you are the parent. You are the the adult, who perhaps sleeps with an adult man. He is the child who can sleep with a woman when he grows up and finds one that is not his mother!
I am sure he will raise holy hell when you send him to his own bed (the couch, a blanket on the floor, whatever) but the longer you wait the worse your problem is going to get. I am very sorry but there is just no other way to begin to put this right because the reason he does not accept your authority is because in his mind, you are his woman and I bet you you’re dealing with some machismo here as well.
I appreciate the two of you are here together and need each other very much but you must recognize your own need a partner and your partner CANNOT be your son.
Good luck.
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2 Responses to “Newly Immigrated Single Mom Struggles With 10-Year-Old Son Who Will Not Accept Her Boyfriend: Astrology-Based Advice”
Hi Struggling-Mom,
I can hear how much you love your son and I understand how tough it is for you being the sole-parent/bread winner etc. etc. BUT you do have the right to a relationship with another adult.
You need to sit down with him and explain to him that you need other adult friends’ and, yes, even benefit from it. If you are firm about your boyfriend’s place in your life then your son will have to accept him eventually. Kids are funny like that…they pick up very quickly whether or not you really mean something.
Good luck and God Bless,
Carrie
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Elsa’s right, get that kid on the couch.
If money isn’t too tight, you might help it along by buying him a cool new sleeping bag. Or, if you have a television in the living area, could you allow him to stay up late a couple of nights on the couch watching TV in the hopes he’ll start to fall asleep there and get a pattern going?
It sounds as if your son has a very strong personality and that’s great — he’ll be able to look after himself in this world.
But, even though he’s contradicting your choices, I’d keep after it. I have one son like this. No matter what, if “I” choose it, he’ll go the other way just because he can. It would appear that what your boy needs is you to be a strong woman. Get ahead of him and use some reverse psychology.
Keep sticking to your ‘guns’ by staying true to your parental knowledge of what’s best for him. You are the Mom and he needs to get some inkling of that - you aren’t buddies, but parent and child.
Good luck to you. Listen to Elsa, she’s got it right.