The soldier has Saturn in aspect Mars… very apparent here

The movie went on and on and on. It wound up with a snatch mission which I hear are pretty common. They send some gal to seduce the target and then bust in on then when they are having sex and snatch the guy. It’s all pretty lurid. It is extremely lurid the more you think about it but apparently effective because the movie is Vietnam era, filmed in 1967 and they still use the technique.

“Well, jeez,” I said. “That was a lot of war. I’m glad we watched that. It’s the closest depiction I have seen of what you have described to me and it makes me understand it better. You may think all this would be easily understood because you’re steeped in it but it’s not. I have been working on getting this into my head for four years and although it’s sort of in there, I get this better than ever today.”

He didn’t say anything so I kept talking.

‘Well you say you did this for 16 years and a person says, oh. It’s very different when you think about having to put your foot down in the jungle, but not in a trap, over and over and over and over. You know. Another day out there, try not to die.”

“Yeah, well that’s what it’s like. And I never took it for granted. I always approached every mission… I approached every day as if could definitely be my last.”

“Well I have a better understanding right now. I have been becoming more and more aware as time passes but I especially understand better, the set of skills it takes to be able to survive this. On all levels, that is. It is more internalized and less intellectual for me at the moment. I mean, I had already internalized this to an extent but it’s been driven deeper.”

“Well I didn’t do much. The guys who died, those are the real heroes,” he said.

“What? What does that mean anyway? Why do people always say that? That the dead guys are the heroes? What the hell does that mean? It makes no sense.”

“Well they made the ultimate sacrifice, P. They gave their lives.”

“I understand that. I do understand that but why are they more heroic than you? I am telling you it makes no sense to me so help me. Is it supposed to be polite?”

“Well, P…”

“Well there is no sense saying polite things that make no sense and this makes no sense, at least it makes no sense to me. Say two of you fight for months and months and months and say you are both very brave.”

“Uh huh.”

“So now it’s time to go home, but on the way, just as you’re about to leave, this other guy steps on a mine and is killed. So he is dead and you are not. And because of this, he is a hero and you are not? How is it you lose status because this other guy stepped on a mine?”

He laughed.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. It makes no sense. He’s dead so he’s a real hero and you’re what? Does that make you a fake hero?”

He stared at me.

“I understand ultimate sacrifice but one guy’s dying should not diminish what the other man has done. How can that be? It makes no sense but you can keep saying that if you want. Oh, they are they real heroes, the dead guys. You can say it until you’re blue but you won’t hear me saying it because I think it’s stupid. If you act heroically, then you are a real hero. Dying is a not a requirement to being an actual hero. In fact, not dying should count for something. Going out and not dying again and again and again and again. Don’t you think that’s something?”

He just shook his head like he didn’t know this lecture so I waved my hand to wave it off.

“Okay then.” I said. ‘I say both men who acted heroically are real heroes but we don’t have to agree. You’ll be using a phrase I won’t be using and you’ll know why I am not using it. But mostly I just want to tell you that I am getting this more and more and in ways and on levels I never have before. I am really starting to understand what you’ve done here and it’s astonishing. It is just so many years. It is way too many years of doing this and doing it and doing it and not dying and I think I’m just a little shocked.”

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