This is meant to continue the video, “Could It Be Logical To Deny Your Spouse Is Cheating…”

Having presented the story of circumstance where I think denial serves (Virgo/Pisces), I feel obligated with Libra in my chart to present the other side, so here it comes: The high price of denial and one good reason to break it down.

The soldier has his Moon conjunct Neptune in Scorpio in the 8th house and if you have anything similar, you know the level of sensitivity this denotes and the depth at which pain registers. So you might say he has something to protect and this is what he did.

When we were kids he was in profound denial about who I was. There was no telling him anything and he saw no problem with this because he loved me anyway, no matter what. No matter whom I was where I came from or what I did or was going to do, he was going to love me regardless, so if you understand that you can see from his perspective everything else is irrelevant.

However, I am not him and I did not live in his reality. So things that were irrelevant to him were enormously relevant to me and there was one event in particular that racked me to my core.

And I came home that night… we lived together, and I tried to talk to him. I tried to get him to listen to me but he just blew me off. He did a total Jedi wave disregarding the fact I was deeply disturbed and he did this repeatedly over the next couple weeks as I continued to try to get him to talk to me about what had devastated me which was a conversation he was just not going to have.

Struggling mightily but finding myself unable to process what happened that night with him, on my own or with anyone else, I gave up and folded in on myself. And when I did that I knew I would not / could not marry him and that was that. He lost his wife, right there… even though we ran together for another 2 years.

So then he spends his life the way he did (The Soldier and P). We got reconnected in 2003 and he wants to know what? “Why didn’t you marry me?”

So I come up with the story. ‘Well, there was that guy….”

But did he listen? Hell no. Absolutely not. The last thing he wanted to find out is that the whole thing would have come out differently had he sat down and taken me seriously all those years ago. The loss is too grave, see? It’s just too overwhelming for both of us so four more years pass.

And then a few nights ago, I finally broke through. He’s got the story now and it hurt us both, profoundly. The ring was there and we didn’t grab it but now the connection is made. The illusion is replaced reality and we have to cope with the waves of emotion that accompany something like this, both of us shook to our core.

So this is an example of the price of denial and here is the reason we are working so hard to be rid of it:

The soldier wants a marriage in the Catholic sense, where two become one. He feels we can achieve this and I agree. But in order to do this, all the boundaries and lies we tell ourselves and each other have to be broken down so this is what we are doing. We are in the welcome but painful process of integrating. We are putting this thing right but I am here to witness…

Nothing in the world like trying to figure out how I can end up in one room, heart in my throat, blood running cold wondering how I will ever live without him while he sits five miles away, writing a song for the only woman he will ever love who he believes does not want him.

It’s unfathomable, really. We don’t know how this happened. We also don’t know why so we ust sort of stare and wonder.

Has denial ever cost you, big time?