4
Like Attracts Like? Meandering Thoughts On Relationships… And A Poll
Ask the collective…
I was back on my beloved cross-trainer today after nearly a 2 week moratorium. With Saturn in Virgo placing restriction on my daily routine for health reasons… well I don’t know what to say except I was sure glad to get back on that thing because I think best when I am moving.
I was thinking about similarities between people in relationships. I was also thinking about the differences because I have Libra and I have no choice but to see both sides which as far as I am concerned means twice the work for me! But anyway, my own situation… the soldier and I have much in common. For example, he’s seen nothing in his career, 16 years in Special Forces that I have not seen myself. He doesn’t like knowing this. He avoids knowing this or at least he postpones it until it hits him between the eyes via some agent or action of the universe which is a story for another day and also makes another point.
I am only responsible to say the thing. I have to represent but whether the information is internalized or even how it is interpreted is completely out of my hands. After nearly seven years of blogging daily, I have learned this for sure.
But anyway, the soldier and I are both what can only be characterized as “wholesome” people and I have no idea how this could be considering what we have been exposed to and spent our lives doing. It’s a real phenomenon and I asked him how he thought we could be the way we are.
“How can we be so wholesome?” I asked. “I am embarrassed to be this wholesome,” I said, but he had no idea either. Point being we are two very strange peas, from strange pods that came out matched and I think this is true of most couples whether they know it or not.
“She’s not sexy.”
Well dude? Chances are, either are you.
“He’s not romantic.”
And you are? Probably not.
Like does attract like. After all we’re attracting people who trigger our childhood but there are exceptions and when they occur it seems the people tend to be very opposite each other which seems to provide another way to learn.
In my case, the soldier and I are very, very similar. Even on things where we think we are wide apart we discover this is not really the case. It may be a morphing together sort of like those people who start to look like their dogs! In fact, I think that’s exactly what it is but never mind all my disjointedness, here’s my question:
7 Responses to “Like Attracts Like? Meandering Thoughts On Relationships… And A Poll”
I read a book once by someone who proposes that we choose people with similar values but complimentary personalities, which makes sense. My SO and I have never even disagreed with each other in the year we’ve been together because our values match so perfectly. But he is very outgoing where I am shy, which has expanded my horizons tremendously, as I am not an initiator, but I love to do new things. In return I have given him safe haven from the emotional instability that he has had in all his prior relationships without being clingy or needy. So our personalities are very complimentary. I never knew it could be this easy, but it really is.
that’s exactly it: similar values but complimentary personalities. hit the nail on the head. i don’t find people exactly like myself particularly attractive, friends yes, but no attraction. it’s when they have the same issues but approach them in a different way that excites me! i like feeling challenged yet completed in their presence…like we balance each other out but there is still that delicious tension there to keep things interesting 
Yeah, I think Kathy expressed it most eloquently.
My man and I are disturbingly alike in what we value but have vastly different means of getting there. As an additional bonus, we’re only six weeks apart in age.
A balance of both. We have very different personalities (he’s very Fiery, I’m very Watery) but it complements the other’ missing element. We have very different ways of dealing with the world and our feelings, but that’s OK.
Fundamentally we have the same values and have been shaped by the same experiences (war, death, exile etc).
The challenge has always been to not become mired in our oppositeness but to try and draw the other in to make some kind of balance. For example he is not romantic in the same sense that I am, and it’s been some work to get him to do the sort of things that I enjoy even if they don’t come naturally to him. I reciprocated by doing the sorts of things that he enjoys even if they wouldn’t have occured to me to do for me. etc.
In my experiences of working with families and couples though people often DO get stuck, they get assigned into a role and they can get drawn into rigid patterns about it (so ie. The Romantic gets drawn into doing the ‘romance work’ of both people, and The Aloof One does the separation work for both and so on.)
I can only repeat what the others are saying and that is “similar values” as we are true complements (Aries & Libra). We have some shared interests but many differences too. He says he loves my bone deep sanity and tells me almost every day how grateful he has me to come home to. Smart man, no?! 
i voted similar because, in many ways, we are. but we are also different in other ways, too. our values are similar, and our backgrounds have many parallels. but in other areas, we compliment one another. as the other folks have said here…
he’s a double virgo and worries, worries, worries. while i’m a virgo, too, i have other influences and i trust, trust, trust. he’s methodical in his approach, and i’m more intuititive. he approaches life step by step, and i just jump in and get started.]
we’ve been happily together over 18 years now. so something is working pretty darn good!
Get A Consultation
I'm available for consultations! You can schedule a consultation by phone or a consultation by email. You can also read what clients have to say about my consultations. Thanks, I look forward to working with you. :) - Elsa P
More
Recent Blog Comments
- Neith: Yes, there is a clear difference when you show up and when y...
- Tree Frog: Yes. I am very aware of this....
- omie: oh yes! I notice.I would miss you very much!...
- Lesia: I would be very disappointed. I'm just getting to know you, ...
- Lupa: Most definitely. You are the driving force here and it defi...
- opal: Elsa, this and the Saturn Pluto post are, I think, the most ...
- lindsey: great song...hope we all find the ace in the dark......
Recent Board Posts
I have no idea. Well maybe I do. I’m a fan of the idea that the more ‘opposite’ people are, the more alike they are…your shadow self is yourself. Not an entity separate from you.
I know that my SO and I were deff attracted to our ‘opposing’ ways. Eg. he to my flightiness, me to his solidity.
But even that gets turned on it’s head (he’s a Gemini ASC so likes flightiness…I have Capricorn Moon and Taurus Sun, so in fact I require solidity)
and on and on she goes