Dear Love,

I am very sorry for how the way you are hurting and I do not think that because you are young (almost 18) that you do not know anything about love. It is clear you are a sensitive young woman with an open heart and that is all it takes to feel love. That said, you’ve got a real problem with your Dad.

Now it’s not clear if he is typically violent. I don’t know if he beats you, if he beats others, or if he went off on some kind of crazed attack in a misguided attempt to protect his daughter. What is clear is you are not going to be able to date with your father around, unless some changes are made.

If you have some semblance of a relationship with your father - which is sounds like you might - then please try to reason with him. Try to get him to see that you are growing up and he must step aside and allow you to develop. Perhaps this is possible. Does he have remorse what he has done? If he does, then you probably have a chance to reason with him.

On the other hand, if he is beating you and if he is just an incorrigible controlling tyrant, then I am afraid you are going to have to plot your way out of there so that you can conduct your life and have a boyfriend without fearing violent attack.

There is a third scenario. It is possible this boy broke the rules of your culture by seeing you without first securing your father’s permission. If this is the case, your father obviously overreacted but it is worth noting.

As for the boy… people may not like it but I am disappointed in him for abandoning you. I acknowledge it is possible he did it to protect you. You did not tell us if your father beat you or not, see. But let me answer your direct question:

Is there a chance the boy will come around? There is a chance. If you are meant to be with him he most certainly will, but his not answering your calls suggests he is not as serious about you as you are about him. And let’s not forget this boy reported having troubled relationships in the past. He seemed to be telling you in advance there was going to be a problem.

Will he forgive you and your father? You are not responsible for your father’s violent act so you do not need to be forgiven, you’ve done nothing wrong. As to how he feels about your father, it does not appear he wants to negotiate this, but rather he would like to escape the situation, leaving you holding the bag.

You sound like a very nice, very loving young woman and your chart is grand. I say figure out how you’re going to manage your father if this is possible, or otherwise how you are going to get out of that house and have a life.

And if this is cultural… well the next boy you meet, please tell him what he’s got to do to garner your father’s permission to date you. And if he won’t do it, you will know he’s the wrong boy.

Good luck and again I am very sorry for your pain.

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