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18 Year Old Double Sagittarius With 13 Years Of Therapy - What The..?
Dear Elsa,
I’ve been going to psychologists and psychiatrists since I was five years old. I am now 18 and I feel it has all been for naught. I have a very obsessive nature, I have an addictive personality, and I am easily blinded by futile causes. I jump from one extreme to the other, on a daily basis. My mood swings are intense and volatile. I do things impulsively, almost as though I am being controlled by someone else and even if I don’t want to do something, I end up doing it. I lack self control and stability in my life. I am basically a trainwreck waiting to happen.
I believe it’s a part of growing up, but I am constantly in a state of sexual transformation. I identify with different sexual orientations on a daily basis. I jump from asexuality to pansexuality in a matter of seconds. Sagittarius is supposed to be opinionated, but I am too scattered brained to even hold down convictions. I have passive-aggressive tendencies which are quite frequently mistaken for laziness. I abused heavy drugs for about a year and stopped in January, but there are times when I believe I’ll do them again and at other times I despise them.
I feel like there are two forces working within me, stretching me apart, pulling me in completely different directions - and I can’t decide which way to go. I fear that this will not change with age and I fear that I can’t find the solution. I believe the answer is in my chart and not in neuropsychology. Please help me, I know the answer is in there somewhere.
Thoroughly Thera-pized
Cuba
Dear Thera-pized,
You are certainly educated and it sounds to me as if you’d like to graduate - so how about some permission to do just that? 13 years of therapy is enough for anyone, especially for the brainy - so how about considering closing this chapter and moving on to the next?
If you wonder how to do that, it’s really very simple. You just decide to stop tagging your behavior “pathological” and instead identify yourself as human. You may be a more obsessive human than some other humans out there, but who is to say that their ability to detach is superior to your ability to focus?
Who is to say a person should or should not be scatterbrained and/or opinionated, when virtually every single one of us finds yourself in both states at various times in our lives?
According to my observations, the person with convictions is heading towards having those convictions challenged and altered and the scatterbrained is on a path to clarity. Should we call this pathological?
You’re a double Sagittarian with a packed 6th house and guess what? You’re going to think a lot. And you are going to morph and mutate.
You have a Cancer rising so you’re moody. What should we do? Sue you?
You have Venus conjunct Pluto in Scorpio and you’re sexualized… but get this loud and clear:
SO WHAT!!!
Here’s my advice: quit trying to fix something that’s not broke and just go live. We need you out there in the world. You are here for a reason and surely it’s something beyond taking up space in some therapist’s office who I would bet knows less than you do.
Good luck.
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7 Responses to “18 Year Old Double Sagittarius With 13 Years Of Therapy - What The..?”
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RIGHT ON, ELSA! Thera-pized, try reading James Hillerman’s 100 years of Psycotherapy and the World’s Getting Worse book (not sure if that is the exact title) and look up this letter http://www.joebageant.com/joe/2007/06/years-of-needle.html
on joebageant.com. I’ve had a similar experience in trying to fix myself not for the same issues but whatever and after the saturn/neptune experience, I finally said phooey on therapy and guess what, I hired an organizer to help me deal with a long time insanity-inducing clutter problem and doing that helped me solve a real issue, no therapy involved, more cost effective and results, I got results. I was doing a little more therapy at the same time and I quit the therapy because it didn’t do a fucking thing for my issues. don’t forget, like doctors, therapists have a financial stake in your “problems.” Good luck!
Yes, exactly right, Elsa! And Thera-pized, you still feel the urge to tweak yourself, get a copy of Donna Cunningham’s book, “Healing Pluto Problems”. She gives some great tools for doing that. Hey, I’m considered very sane by my friends and family and when I was about your age, my grandfather tried to talk my mother into having me committed…..she didn’t, I eventually morphed into my version of human and went on about my life . . . end of story!
I have a friend who has been on psychoanalisis for 15 years, twice a week… I think he doesn’t quit it because he has a taurus moon and needs the routine of it. Otherwise it doesn’t help him.
I don’t know about therapized thgouh. I’d say move on, expand to other ways to deal with your problems or find an effective therapist, interview a few before you decide. If you are takind medication don’t quit it on your own, that is very dangerous.
Being a teen is a terrible thing for most healthy people so be gentle on yourself.
What makes you think you’re a train reck waiting to happen?
right on!
the world gets a lot bigger and it’s a whole lot easier to express “unusual” energy positively once you’re out of high school and have more room to explore…
my experience anyway.
Thera-pized, this most certainly can change with age. The fact that you’re conscious is a wonderful, helpful thing.
I wonder what it was that caused your parents to put you in therapy for such a young age in the first place–don’t answer that; it’s none of my business–and I’m not surprised that if you’ve spent most of your life trying to figure out ‘what’s wrong with you’ you feel the way you do!
I completely agree with wyrdling, the world does get bigger. I’m doing things and feeling things and happy about things I could NEVER have imagined when I was 18. Many people here have lived through similar experiences as you and are alive to tell the tale. Jeez, I was pretty happy at 28 and two years later, I STILL can’t believe some of the stuff I’ve gotten up to–again, I couldn’t have imagined it!
For yourself: compassion, compassion, compassion. And if I could be so bold, I’d suggest thinking of eliminating or at least reducing the role of every single person in your life who tells you that you are a malfunctioning human being. Every last one. It seems you’ve never had the opportunity to feel as though you are adequate as you are. Now’s the time!
SO WHAT!!
this was SO GOOD to read.
all the best Thera-pized
Cancer rising? Maybe should take a look at this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=i1_VmPqPErs
(You Tube: SoulGardenTV, Cancer for Tuesday 9/18/07)
Elsa, you turned us on to this guy, the “stand-up astrologer”.
Anyway, this particular daily ’scope talks about how Cancers tend to draw their philosophy from their day-to-day life (Sag is their sixth house–note this would be true for Cancer rising!), and how whatever background/childhood they’ve come from–difficult or easy–has been coloring their philosophy toward life. And then he talks about how since about 1996 the Universe has been helping us reform our ideas (Pluto in Sag) in this arena…
So, if *I* had been put into therapy in childhood, I would DEFINITELY hold the philosophy that something is wrong with me! But, would that necessarily make it true? Could I adopt a new “philosophy”? Such as, “I am perfectly normal for who I am, it’s too bad others haven’t always accepted me for myself”?
Actually, with my mostly mutable chart, I have gradually discovered that allowing myself to tweak my philosophy regularly helps keep life fresh and engaging. I am less apt to feel “stuck”, and then I can relax and simply enjoy the process of living as it unfolds (and discovering myself, too!) instead of fighting to stay on some “path” I’m not even sure about. My goal-oriented family doesn’t “get” me, but since they AREN’T me, why should I let that bother me? ‘Cause it did, for way too long…
Hang in there, kiddo!