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A Venus Saturn Relationship Story… Elsa and Ben and Their Mismatched Sexualities
Astrology in Real Life…
My friend Ben and I are a good example of Venus with Saturn. We have been very close friends for about 25 years. The relationship (Venus) has its limits (Saturn) based on the fact I am a heterosexual woman and he is a gay man. And if you think that doesn’t matter, it does.
Ben has always been wildly popular with other gay men. And though we hit it off from the minute we met, his other friends were not very welcoming. Because gay men don’t really like me as a rule.
I am not their type. I am not Cher. I am not Bette Midler. I am this other sort of entity that does not appeal so when Ben would invite me to his house, which he would do constantly, almost daily, well the men who hung out there would be very cold.
And I could see why. I disrupted them! I’d go over and there would be 8 or 10 men in his house, and 3 or 4 more on the porch just hanging around. And then here I’d show up and it would be like parting the gay sea! Who the hell is that? What is she doing here?
Well I didn’t like it. I felt uncomfortable and Ben could see how I was being treated so he moved to protect me by ushering me into his bedroom as soon as I showed up. Great, except it didn’t work. In fact this further pissed them off. It was like I stole their King or something and you have to try to picture this.
The house would be overflowing with men. Ben is an Aquarius rising and he’s magnetic so there were always, always people around. And he’d call me almost every day wanting me to stop by and I would want to see him so I’d go over and have to walk up the steps to his house being glared at by whoever was hanging around the stoop.
They would all glare and I swear it was all they could do not to hiss and then I’d have to walk by them and then through the living room, also jam-packed with men, so many I’d have to step over them sitting cross-legged on the floor while they all looked up at me as if I were some kind of pariah.
And I wanted to scream, “Piss off, I am invited you jackasses!”
Because most of them were not! Ben is like that. Men just show up and bang on his door whether he wants them to or not and in fact when he took me into his bedroom so we could have a private conversation this was his main concern. “How can I get rid of all those people out there?”
So we’re in the bedroom… and odd place for a gay man and a heterosexual woman to be, with gay men listening in, ear to the door and maybe you get the idea. Maintaining a relationship (Venus) was problematic (Saturn).
Skip to Elsa and Ben…. Part 2
Have you ever found yourself motivated to befriend someone in spite of the challenge?
6 Responses to “A Venus Saturn Relationship Story… Elsa and Ben and Their Mismatched Sexualities”
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I’ve never understood the phenomenon of having lots of random people at your house all the time. Once in a while, sure, but my house is not Starbucks. You don’t just drop by for a cup of coffee and to lounge.
Anyway, I’m a gay man and *I* like you, Elsa.
And yes, motivated to befriend someone in spite of challenges? You’ve just described my love life.
Marc, I appreciate that!
And Ben hated all the people at his house. He had no idea why they were there. They just showed up day in and day out and they still do.
To this day I can be on the phone and hear him yell at people who are knocking on his door, “GO AWAY!”
“I don’t want to hurt their feelings,” he used to tell me back in the day, “but I don’t understand why they come here. Don’t they have somewhere else to go? I never invite them. I have not invited one person who is out there to be here today or any other day. They just come.”
“Why don’t you tell them to go away?”
“Well, Elsa… I don’t want to be mean. I don’t want to be rude. And they bring their own food. I have gotten them trained to that…”
Ha ha ha
But these days, he does not open the door. And if someone is especially persistent and continues to knock or bang on the door he yells out.
“Go AWAY! If I have to look out and see who you are I will never speak to you again so just go away!”
I am serious… this is a routine happening at Ben’s place to this day.
I have chalenges trying to visit my best friend. Her husband doesnt seem to like me and at my house I have my mother butting into every conversation I have with anyone!
i had a similar experience as yours Elsa back in the late 80s.
in the 90s i stopped attending an annual glbqt film festival not because i felt unwelcome, but for the fact that it dawned on me that this is someone else’s space. in addition, just a few years ago someone from one of the trans communities told me that outsiders who venture into her community are oftentimes viewed as voyeuristic. afterwards i felt compelled to ponder on what part of me, if any, was playing into that role of the voyeur. i still question myself in other outsider/insider situations.
not saying this is your case, since you and Ben are long established friends. just that i think i can understand a little of what those guys in the past might have been thinking. then to add plum to the pudding, you’d end up with the prince…
…life is not fair
> i can relate. one of my few friends is engaged to someone i simply do not like. i don’t hate him, but no matter how i try i cannot like the guy. it’s been three years. for the sake of maintaining a relationship with my pal, i suck on this circumstance even though it tastes sour at times
MahEggo the last paragraph is in response to your post. somehow the name got cut off in transition oops
yes. often. usually i don’t notice people until challenges occur. somehow. eh?
massive introversion, maybe?